The silvery moon was covered by dark clouds while the Chinese parasol trees rustled in the yard. The bells hanging from the roof eaves swayed under the wind, ringing softly twice. Shen Zhen did not remove her hand from the door but did not dare step out either.
She was full of regret as she closed her eyes in irritation. Having no other choice, she turned her head, her face as soft as ever, not betraying any of her inner turmoil.
“Does Your Lordship need anything else?”, she asked in the softest of voices.
“Come back”, Lu Yan whispered in return.
Shen Zhen would have wanted to cry in anguish. Nonetheless, she knew she could but to walk back in submission. Seeing her obey, Lu Yan motioned toward a place by his side.
“Light the lamps.”
She did as she was told, seating herself at the spot he had indicated, pulling her legs under herself. Lu Yan leaned in, staring at her, his eyes colder than the wind in winter. They pierced through her, digging through her soul. She could not hide her thoughts from such a man.
“Go prepare water. I wish to take a bath”, he unexpectedly ordered.
Shen Zhen was most happy to obey, so much so she appeared to be fleeing. Recalling the look in his eyes just now, as he ordered her to prepare water … He was clearly sending a message out.
Do you think I will let you go?
Once Lu Yan came back from bathing, Shen Zhen was still on the room. She was much more obedient then when he had appeared to her. This was the perfect example of how far silent teaching at the hands of a man like Lu Yan could go.
He made his way to the bed, lying down by himself. In the Jin Dynasty, when men and women shared the bed, the women faced the door while men lied in the inside part. And this applied to wives and concubines alike. Therefore, as soon as Lu Yan went to bed, he took Shen Zhen’s former spot, reminding her who the master was with his actions.
Seeing that he was intent on sleeping, Shen Zhen asked in something akin to relief:
“Your Lordship, should the lights be put out?”
Lu Yan simply confirmed. And thus the room fell into darkness once more.
Seeing as Shen Zhen was still dressed as neatly as when he had come in and seated with her back as straight as a rod, Lu Yan mocked her mercilessly.
“When you were still at the Marquis’s mansion, did you make it a habit to sleep in your outerwear?”, he sarcastically asked, biting her heart cruelly.
Shen Zhen clenched the hand resting on her knee.
“Your Lordship, I am afraid of the cold.”
In her situation, she could only remain gracious and polite.
As soon as she had given such a ludicrous, Lu Yan sneered at her in contempt. Although no outsider had visited Chengyuan in the past two days, Lu Yan was quite sure that she had not lacked in charcoal to keep the fires in the residence burning. He was dressed in nothing but his inner clothes and yet, he was far from being cold. Shen Zhen however tried to convince him that she was freezing.
Lu Yan had no energy to argue with her. He couldn’t be bothered to expose her. The ridicule of the situation was self-evident. However, still not seeing her making any moves to lie by his side did irritate him tremendously. Where he was concerned, whether she wanted it or not, she was his belonging. He had paid for her, and dearly at that. It was too late to play the prude now. Thus, he spoke once more.
“Are you going to sit like that the whole night?”
His voice was heavy with an unspoken threat. The silent warning was one she better heed. Hearing the arrogance behind his words, Shen Zhen would have wanted to hurl all her anger at him. But truth be said, he was a man of power in front of whom no one dared cry, let alone herself. All that she could do was obey, biting her lip to the point of blood.
This was a girl who had lived in the Yunyang Mansion for sixteen years. And for sixteen years, there had never been a man to approach her, let alone lay by her side in bed. The sleepiness she had felt barely a few seconds ago dissipated in thin air. Shen Zhen’s body was stiff, how could it not be? She did not dare to disturb the atmosphere in fear that he might decide to touch her body if she were to move.
She would not have borne for him to address her again. Every one of his words was like a knife being stabbed right into her heart and soul. Yet she would bear it. She would bear it all with no thought for herself. Because Shen Hong, her beloved little brother, was in the hands of others.
As the breathing of the person by her gradually evened, she could finally let a sigh of relief escape. Shen Zhen tried to close her eyes in turn. However, she was not used to sleeping away from the homes she had organized for herself, by herself.
Thus, every quarter of an hour, she would turn around, desperately trying to find a comfortable position. It reached such a point that Lu Yan could not help but wake up, his eyebrows tightened. However deeply he slept, her tossing and turning would wake him up.
Extending out his long, it made contact with her body.
“Stop making trouble”, admonished her sleepily in a hoarse voice.
This action had made Shen Zhen feel like a fish on a chopping board. His arm around her was like a sword piercing through her. And for the rest of the night, she remained indeed in one position, never moving again.
***
The sky was covered in fluffy, white clouds. The soft morning light filtered through the windows, its warmth making Lu Yan slowly open his eyes. Once Shen Zhen had settled, this night of his had been the best he had experienced in recent years. And there had been no strange dreams to plague him during his rest to boot.
Shen Zhen had not shared his agreeable experience. She had a skull-splitting headache, dark bags under her eyes and her legs were numb. It was in a less than good mood that she slowly sat up on the bed.
They got out of bed one after the other, not saying a word.
Lu Yan was thirsty, thus picking up a kettle. However, he soon found out there was no water in it. But that was not the only thing that was lacking. There was no hot water and towel to wash, let alone breakfast. He shot a demanding glance at Shen Zhen from the corner of his eyes. She was obviously still very drowsy. He was quite close to make her snap out of it with an acerbic remark.
He was most unhappy. He had finally understood that the woman he had chosen himself for mistress was nobler and a greater lord than he would ever be. Asking her to serve was losing one’s breath. He decided to dress himself to finally walk out and call the two maids of the courtyard in. One was called Moyue, the other Tangyue.
The two maids had been chosen by the housekeeper of the Ducal Estate. Naturally, they were more than aware of Lu Yan’s identity, addressing him in unison as “Young Master” upon seeing him. Tangyue was the type to take the lead.
“These slaves did not know the Young Master was awake. We shall immediately prepare water.”
Moyue followed suite.
“The kitchen retainer has been given a day off. These slaves are unfortunately very deficient in the art of cooking. They can only prepare some light dishes. We fear they will not be to the Young Master’s taste.”
Lu Yan nodded in acknowledgment, pulling at his cuffs.
“It is of no importance.”
“Does the Young Master wish to partake of his meal in Lanyue Pavilion?”, Moyue quickly inquired.
“Rather, take me to the West Room for a rest.”
Once both masters had washed up, the breakfast was served. The dining table was covered in porridge, picked winter mustard, stir-fried nuts and sauce as well as a plate of steamed twisted rolls and white gourd soup.
Shen Zhen seemed to have learned her lesson. Seeing Lu Yan sitting down for a meal, she followed on his footsteps. She might not have been good at much more, but she could serve at the table very well. When her grandmother had still been among the living, Shen Zhen had often served her out of affection. She picked the wooden chopsticks up and started putting nuts into Lu Yan’s bowl, observing him eat. First walnuts. Then almonds. She also offered him a bowl of soup.
Shen Zhen was doing all of this to keep him from speaking to her and believed herself to be quite successful at it. However, she had spent a sleepless night, also not having eaten for more than twelve hours. She was so hungry that, albeit she did not address Lu Yan, her stomach very well did, growling twice.
He was seated. She was standing. And that most insistent sound had rang right by his ear. He had had no choice but to hear it. Now, a considerate man would have ignored this little outburst and spared a woman’s pride. Lu Yan was not such a man. He immediately stopped the movement of his chopsticks and looked up at her. Their eyes met. Shen Zhen’s face rigidified, turning completely red. She averted her glance at once.
Why was she so desperately trying to conserve something, namely her pride as a lady from a noble family, that had been trampled underfoot over and over again. Seeing he was going to finally address her, she raised her hands to cover her ears. She really could not bear more!
Her sudden, irrational reaction stunned Lu Yan. And his own actions stunned her in turn. Instead of mordantly make a fool out of her, he just patted her back and whispered for her to sit down and eat alongside him whenever she was hungry.
Shen Zhen truly appreciated this show of mercy and let a bit of her anger settle. She picked up the wooden chopsticks and caught a piece of winter mustard with no hesitation. When it entered her mouth, she had to contain a gagging reflex. She could not chew what was resting against her tongue at that instant.
She did force a bite, however, her eyebrows wrinkling in anguish. Comparing this to the craft of the kitchen retainer or even Qingxi was like comparing heaven and earth. Her chewing movements slowed and she took a bite from a steamed twisted bun. That is when her adorable face completed contorted in horror. Even looking at the food became a sort of torture.
Shen Zhen frowned, forcing herself to swallow two mouthfuls and then, put the wooden chopsticks down with a trembling hand.
None of her actions went unnoticed. Lu Yan had seen each and every one of them.
Lifting an eyebrow at her, he asked indifferently:
“Are you always so fastidious where food is concerned?”
Hearing him, Shen Zhen felt she had been struck by thunder. She did not dare tell the truth. She could only do her best to humor him.
“Your Lordship, I just … I don’t really have an appetite.”
Lu Yan could not help smiling, but without any scorn this time, and immediately got up. As a matter of fact, he himself had been a very picky eater when younger. He could not have borne the smell of meat or fish. The poor cooks at the Zhen Ducal Estate had been tortured by his fastidiousness more than once. However, when was it that he had started eating everything and anything?
It must have gone back to that year he had been made magistrate in Yangshan County. The officials appointed by the imperial court had might have been sons of the nobility, but when a case ran for a day without a break, once they were done, they would eat anything that would let itself be eaten. There was nothing like hunger to defeat fastidiousness.
This was a rare occurrence. Lu Yan actually understood where Shen Zhen was coming from. After sixteen years of having lived in a noble household, having had the best of clothes and food and never having suffered from loneliness with all the servants surrounding her, how could she not feel fazed by such a severe change in living conditions?!
Lu Yan wiped his hands with a towel and extended it to caress the top of her head, neither in a heavy nor light motion.
“Even if you do not like it, at least it is hot. If you wait until you become dizzy, not only will you have suffered hunger for nothing, but the food will also be cold. Eating cold vegetables and rice is not agreeable, believe me.”
When Shen Zhen heard this, she uncovered what she believed to be a double meaning behind his words. He was using her pickiness to remind her she was not a person anymore, but a belonging. One that had no right to choose even the food it ate. Cold rice, cold dishes. That is all she would get, even if she could not stomach the food in front of her. The Shen Zhen of old would have gotten her food switched so it matched her tastes. The Shen Zhen of today was not worth wasting delicacies on.
She could try to hold it in and not eat. But how long would she truly last?! Sooner or later, she would have to bow her head. Hadn’t she learned as much until now?!
Shen Zhen’s eyes met his. She did not know what got into her, but she stretched out her hand and grabbed onto Lu Yan’s sleeve, speaking to him in her soft voice.
“Your Lordship is teaching me to be more sensible and know my place, is he not?”
To say the truth, Lu Yan had not thought as far as that. He had just noticed she was hungry but refusing to eat. Nonetheless, he was a man to seize every opportunity that presented itself. Who was he to refute her own understanding of the situation? Especially if it only went to his benefit. Nodding his head more in approval of her behavior than in confirmation of her words, he could not but praise her clear-sightedness.
“It is only for the best if you understand it as such.”
