Chapter 25 :: Heartache

The boat slowly docked. As Zhao Chong and Huanniang took their leave, Shen Zhen was left to stagger around, almost smashing to the ground. Before she had the chance to break something of hers, Lu Yan quickly grabbed onto her body. That is when he saw the blood on her sleeve.

Foraging through, he retrieved her arm and glanced at it. Sure enough, there were several thin wounds on her palms. Just by the look of them, one knew that these had been made willingly. His heart sank, obviously misunderstanding the reason behind her actions.

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“Why did you do this to yourself?!”, he sharply hissed.

As the alcohol finally took a hold over her whole being, Shen Zhen’s ears started buzzing, completely blocking Lu Yan’s unkind questions from reaching her. She was left to blissfully ignore him. Her face getting redder by the instant, she could only whisper two words, hot and uncomfortable in the smallest of voices.

Observing her strange behavior, Lu Yan immediately turned around and shot the offending wine flask an irritated glare. He poured himself a cup, brought it to his nose and slowly shook it in his hand. He stared at the wine flask for a long time, the veins on his hands bulging in rage. And then he threw the cup aside, grabbed onto the flask and smashed it to the ground, holding onto Shen Zhen all the while.

Two drugs had been mixed with the wine, one being Longquezi, which could lead to addiction and was used as an aphrodisiac.  Had Shen Zhen not slashed her own palm a few times, she might very well have been consumed by its effects.

Raising his hand, Lu Yan caressed her little face.

“Can you walk?”

From irritated and blaming, his voice became soft and attentive.

First, she nodded her head. Then, she shook it from side to side. Seeing as she was perfectly out of it and no communication was possible, Lu Yan had no other choice but to drag her off the boat. But as soon as he tightened the arm around her waist, Shen Zhen started aggressively struggling, the fresh wound on her palm opening up and leaking blood.

The beads of crimson blood on her snow-white skin were truly dazzling.

He had to admit it. He did feel distressed. Had he said otherwise, he would have blatantly lied. He occasionally left marks on her delicate and tender flesh. However, he did not do so by intent. In fact, he tried to restrain his strength as much as possible when handling her. Thus, the sight of her lacerated skin left him deeply perturbed.

Finding a handkerchief about her, he simply wrapped it around her hand.

“I want to carry you off the boat. So stop tossing around.”

The drunk Shen Zhen had her understanding completely obliterated by the drugs she had been fed. No matter what Lu Yan said, no matter how he spoke to her, she either kept silent either just shook her head in negation. He had no other choice but to hoist her up his back.

After haphazardly getting off the boat, he walked all the way to where the carriage had been parked, with Yang Zong awaiting. Seeing as his master had a handful, the servant rapidly opened the door to the carriage waiting for Shen Zhen to get off Lu Yan’s back. However, she did not see it with that eye. On the contrary, she tightened her arms around his neck, refusing to let go.

At a stalemate, Lu Yan had no choice but to give up taking the carriage. He would have to carry Shen Zhen back home. In the snow. In the cold. Through a dense forest.

He did not think she would refuse him the most elementary politeness, by leaning onto his back with all her weight and kicking her legs back and forth as if she were on a swing. She even muttered against the nape of his neck, from time to time. Lu Yan preferred not to pay attention to her at this very moment.

After a long while, Lu Yan squeezed her body in fear it would slide from his grip. Shen Zhen for her part, took advantage of his movement, to bury her face into the crook of his neck.

And of course, to top everything, snow started falling. It was nothing like the snow in Chang’an. The capital’s snow was light and feathery. Whereas Yangzhou snow was freezing cold and turned into water as soon as it touched a surface, drenching both Lu Yan and Shen Zhen. Wonderful.

He was walking so slowly, fearful he would slip and make a foul out of both of them. The sound of prostitutes singing and playing could still reach them. They had barely moved.

Once the sound of pipa had faded into the night and the moonlight had been swallowed by clouds, Shen Zhen started crying, her tears sliding down Lu Yan’s neck. The more she cried, the more he felt uncomfortable. He would never have admitted it to be guilt. Guilt for having dragged her into this situation, with the obvious results. He kept silent for as long as he could, but eventually had to ask:

“Why are you crying?”

Shen Zhen was drunk and drugged. What did she know?! Thus, Lu Yan could only endure the pain and walk on, hoping the effects of the drugs would abate sooner rather than later.

After a while, Shen Zhen stopped with the sobbing. Lu Yan assumed she must have fallen asleep. He could not have been more wrong. Before he could do anything, she jerked upward and bit his ear. This had nothing to do with his seductive, affectionate bites when he wished to take her to bed. This was an assault of pure, unadulterated anger. A row of neat, white teeth had sunk into his ear’s helix. Had she tugged her head, she might have bitten a piece off!

“Shen Zhen”, Lu Yan calmly warned, cold as ice.

Shen Zhen either did not hear or did not wish to hear. She did not let go, clamping her teeth tighter in fact. It was truly painful. She started gnawing at it too!

“Do you think I will not let you fall to the ground unless you stop?!”, he threatened, overcome with ire.

Seeing as his threat was completely useless, he had no other choice but to negotiate with her.

“What is it that you want?!

Finally, the anxiousness in his voice sliced through the haze in Shen Zhen’s mind. She sneered and laughed at him.

“So you can bite me and I have to bear it, but when I do the same to you, you get angry?!”

She had slurred those words out in all seriousness. But her voice was so soft, that her annoyance sounded like sorrow. He smiled in ridicule at her words. That one kept her anger bottled up and bore with everything in silence. But as soon as she got drunk, she grew the courage to be quite outrageous.

As her two legs hung from his arms,  he freed a hand and pinched her calf as a warning.

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“Shen Zhen, be reasonable! Have I ever bitten you that hard?”

He was unable to refrain the twitching of his mouth. He must have gone insane to be reasoning with a drunk!

The wind was getting colder, he had no choice but to pick up pace, hoping to be able to put her down once they reached the main road. But with the sudden jolt, Shen Zhen felt her stomach lurch ominously. A liquid fire seemed to be rushing over, making her almost eruct in a most inelegant fashion.

Seeing as he was about to finally get out of the dense forest, Lu Yan paid more attention to the one on his back. As there were no movements, he assumed she was asleep.

“Wake up”, he whispered into the night.

Shen Zhen’s forehead was covered in beads of cold sweat and she was desperately trying to keep her mouth shut and endure it. But the more she tried, the less she could bear it. And thus, she gagged.

Hearing the sound she produced from the deepest part of her throat, Lu Yan paused in his tracks, an ill-omened sensation numbing him down from the tip of his toes to the top of his head.

“Shen Zhen. If you are planning to vomit, get down. Now.”

His voice was trembling. In ill-concealed rage. And fear. Mostly fear.

On one side, Shen Zhen was not planning on getting down at all. On the other side, she was overwhelmed by her desire to just let her stomach relieve itself. She gagged once more. What she meant by it, Lu Yan understood it too well.

All the muscles in his body tightened. He was furious!

“Shen Zhen, I am warning you. If you dare vomit on me …”

He did not finish his thought.

A warm, slippery sensation travelled down the side of his neck, past the collar of his jacket and into his undershirt. Lu Yan motionlessly stood as a stone statue, battered by the winds and snow of Yangzhou.

He wished he could throw her to the ground and tear her apart, he really did. And suddenly, the corner of his mouth twitched into a smile. A self-deprecating smile.

Shen Zhen. I carried you for a whole hour, through snow, ice and wind. And this is how you thank me.

Once they arrived at Luyuan, Lu Yan had no other desire but to get rid of the breathing calamity on his back. Thus, he pulled Shen Zhen into Chunxi Hall, bypassed all the screens and headed directly into the bathing room. He simply could not bear the stench that emanated from his body. Or from hers, for that matter.

Seeing the Lu Yan’s savage expression as well as the stains on his clothes, Tangyue’s heart quivered in fear. In order to permit their charming master to wash the remnants of their mistress’s gastric juices off of himself, she heated water, prepared soaps, towels and other bathing instruments as quickly as she could, not daring to delay the slightest bit. The whole bathing room was filled with vapor. The hotter the bath, the better.

Once having cleaned the whatever Shen Zhen had eaten that day off of both their bodies, he grabbed onto her injured arm, doing his best to wipe it as softly as he could. As he washed her with care, he still frowned and gritted his teeth. It had taken half a soap bar to eliminate the disgusting stench that stuck to them. It seemed nonetheless to adamantly linger in his nose.

After playing around the whole night, the sky had started brightening slowly.

Lu Yan carried Shen Zhen back into the bedroom and she immediately curled up on the bed, defeated by exhaustion. He stared at her sleeping form, the frown never leaving his face. There was seething anger in his heart, but what use was it? Lu Yan could only sigh silently.

Having no time to sleep, he opened the door and threaded out, welcomed only by the clouds covering a fading moon and the tree shadows at his feet.

- my thoughts:
He deserved it. Every bit of it. The melting snow. The cold wind. The savage bite. The one hour of walking with her on his back. The vomit. My only regret is that it all ended so quickly. Had they met a skunk on their path, it would have been perfect.
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