Chapter 25: Aftermath

I groaned. It felt like a dozen men had punched my stomach at once. Even my breath was temporarily stopped. What happened?

I shook my head in an attempt to regain my senses. My right hand clutched solid ground, but it felt like I was seeing the world sideways. I slightly opened my eyes, and everything was spinning. It felt like I was being swung like a yoyo. There was also no sound other than a sharp ring. 

“Ugh!” Even the sound of my own voice was barely audible from the noise. With what strength I had left, I struggled to stand on my feet, fumbling more than once. When my vision had slightly returned, what greeted me was a crater of black ash where the Spiked Firebears once were. The only thing left was a crater and a thinning layer of black ash gradually drifting in the air. 

A sharp pain suddenly hit the back of my head, almost making me fall to my knees once more. But before my knees could wobble and hit the soil, I managed to regain my balance.

“Are you okay?” said a female voice close enough for me to hear, then a wave of warm energy rushed to my body. It was like being splashed by warm water. It’s surprising, but refreshing. Slowly, the world seemed to straighten. My vision was sharper and wider. Now, I could see bits and pieces of fur, bone, and flesh scattered around the area. When my dizziness had dissipated, a strong smell of burning meat hit my nose. Only then had my senses registered. Looking further around, a few green figures wriggled as they struggled to stand up. A few were rubbing their heads, while the others were fumbling. Despite how they looked, none of them seemed to have suffered serious injuries. 

I looked further, searching for the Nighthowls, but it was no good. My eyes could see them. Finally, I whipped my head behind me. Bria was staring at me, slightly scowling. Shiki was beside her, as blank as ever. My heart raced. This time, it wasn’t the typical fear. It was anxiety. I was afraid of what they would tell me. I was afraid they would scold me. It was like a vice grip was clasping my heart.

“Are you injured, my liege?” Shiki’s metallic, husky voice broke the silence. 

My eyes refused to meet theirs. Not that Shiki had a pair in the first place. I felt like a guilty child avoiding his parents’ gaze. Still, I hadn’t actually checked myself after the blast. I ran a quick glance at myself. Aside from a few scratches and tears on my clothes, I was unharmed. 

I didn’t lift my head and mumbled, “N-no… What happened? Cough.”

The explosion seemed to have rattled me more than I thought. 

“The firebears self-destructed,” this time, it was Bria who answered. I bit my lip, fighting the urge to shrink from embarrassment. “Did you try to subjugate them?”

“Yes,” I half-whispered my admission, and a flash of heat rushed to my ears. 

“I see,” she responded in a tone that wasn’t blaming, but also wasn’t comforting. It was… flat. It was as if she didn’t care. My heart sank. I couldn’t explain the feeling. It somehow felt that I was disappointed I wasn’t scolded, but I knew I was supposed to be relieved. It was confusing and conflicting. I didn’t know what to feel. Then, Bria added, “If that’s the case, then they preferred dying more than being slaves. Interesting. Unfortunately for us, though, these Spiked Firebears were strong enough to overload themselves with mana and self-destruct. Such a waste.” She sighed. Finally, I mustered the courage to look up only to see her shake her head and shrug her shoulders. Her facial expression screamed of disappointment, which was rare even for her. 

A moment later, she was back to her normal playful self. She grabbed a vial from her spatial storage, then handed it to me. “Drink this.”

After handing it to me, she brisk walked towards the War Orcs, who mostly had regained their footing by now, and slid what looked like the same vial she gave me.

I stared at the vial at my hand, looking through the almost transparent yellow liquid inside. I tipped the vial to my lips, and the thin liquid poured into my mouth. As the vial’s contents passed down my throat, my thoughts started to wander. Not the good kind of wandering.

***

“Kaito, the humans are moving!” Bria’s voice mixed with the loud bang as the wooden door slammed on the wall behind it. Without waiting for my response, Bria briskly walked in and reported, “Their setting to move out of Castel. The Golden Sun told his army to prepare to depart tonight. But he didn’t say what their target is.”

My heart sank deeper into the abyss, and my stomach churned like a meat mincer. Damn it. If only I…

Bria looked at me. It was like she could read what’s going in my head. She patted my head, then said in the most comforting tone I had ever heard from her, “Don’t worry, Kaito. You have Shiki and me.”

Hearing that broke me. A seed of hope sprung within me, but the dismay was bigger. I subconsciously nodded. In an almost inaudible way, I asked, “How are the War Orcs?”

“I’ve already given them health and debuff potions. Give them a few more hours and they’ll all be set.”

I nodded again. Status. My eyes wandered, waiting for the blue window to pop up.

Staring at the numbers that had now been familiar, it hit me. I’d only been using it to gauge how stronger I got, which was exponential given my initial stats, but how strong? I hadn’t bothered to compare with anybody. Am I really strong?

“Bria.”

She bobbed her head in response. “Yes?”

“What’s your stats?” I mumbled, a bit embarrassed to ask.

“Stats?” She tilted her head and furrowed her brows.

I stuttered a bit, but decided to continue, “Y-yes. Your strength, intelligence, agility, and wisdom values.”

“Oh! Nothing extraordinary. I’m not a brute like Shiki so both my strength and agility are subpar being less than two hundred each, and my wisdom is around 250.” She stated like she was reading a report card, then tilted her head upwards. “But my forte, my intelligence, is a slight less than 300. Why do you ask?”

My shoulders sagged, realizing how minute my perceived strength had completely shattered my self-confidence and self-worth. “Is that so…” 

I fumbled on my chair. Why… My brain told me that I was weak, that I was worthless. I sighed, horribly fighting the urge to hit my head. 

“Bria, go and gather everyone. Ready or not, we have to face them,” I instructed in passing. At this point, I almost no longer cared about the outcome. My mind was blank, and my fighting spirit nil.

“As you wish,” Bria replied, then chanted a few words. The familiar portal appeared behind her, and she was gone the next moment.

I sat there staring at the ceiling. My hand mindlessly played with Rihoku’s soft, fluffy fur. My eyes were open, but my mind was elsewhere, constantly replaying the firebears self-destruction over and over again. Agh! Damn it!

My fingers clawed my hair, tightly grasping each strand. No matter how tight I clasped, I couldn’t feel pain. The image still replayed again and again. I put my knees near my chest, then buried my head in it. Before I knew it, two streams of tears were already flowing down my cheeks.

A wet, leathery feeling touched my arm, trying to force its way to my face, but I didn’t let it. Instead, he whimpered and put his head above mine, gently caressing my back. I wanted to reach out and hug him, but my strength was simply gone. It didn’t feel like I deserved it. It didn’t feel like I deserved anything good. 

I felt weak and unmotivated. I sat there curled up in fetal position. I was weak. I am weak. I haven’t changed a single bit.

I sat like that, sobbing, for who knew how long. My thoughts spiraled, and my brain constantly reminded me how worthless and how weak I was.