-CLANG! CLANG! CLANG!-
Finally! Aw man, it felt like forever!
I was happily hammering a piece of metal without giving it any form as I simply wanted to hammer something, feeling like this pause was just too long for me.
After we returned from the trip, I immediately started hammering the metal as all that socialization and playing around made me feel like I was just wasting time and energy. However, the fact that I was relaxing only while working and I found playing and chatting with others as bothersome and stressful, showed just how screwed up I became after a whole year of separating from others.
I’m wondering whenever I lost a screw here and there… Sigh~ well. Whatever.
“Oy kid, what the heck are you doing?”
Seeing me work with such a wide smile kind of creeped my uncle out, looking at me weirdly while waiting for an iron plate to turn red inside his furnace. I looked at him and showed him my hammer,
“Hammering?”
“No s***, I’m asking for WHAT are you hammering? Creating something?”
“No, not really.”
“If so, then build me a hoe.”
“20 Euros and it’s yours.”
“Good joke. You’ll need it as well.”
“… 10 Euros?”
“Stop being greedy, you damn brat!”
He waved his hammer at me and then I asked confused for what I would need it as well,
“I accepted a project and we’ll have to both work on it, the customer needing it in around two months.”
“Oh? Is it an armor?”
“A XIVth century full body European armor. A germanic armor, more exactly.”
“Hmm? I don’t craft armors. How could I even help?”
“Oh, don’t worry. You will need to craft the piece of armor that has the easiest mechanic to it.”
“… It’s the chainmail, isn’t it?”
“It is the chainmail.”
“Pass.”
“You can’t pass.”
We hammered away while chatting and I felt how my blood pressure rushed to my head the more we talked,
“And why I can’t refuse?! That s*** takes forever until it’s finished! I hate that type of work the most.”
“Oh please, you will get 40% of the price, what are you whining there for?”
“40% my ass! 70% or nothing!”
“What?! You f****** brat! 50%!”
“65%!”
“55!”
“60! And nothing less! Otherwise, I won’t accept it!”
“Bah, fine! You damn greedy bastard.”
“I’ll have the most time-consuming work, shut up!… And what is the total?”
“More than two thousand euros.”
“Damn~.”
“Indeed.”
Hearing the total price I felt how all my irritation vanished in a moment, nodding my head approvingly while pursing my lips upwards satisfied. I then continued on hammering until I created a rather more basic hoe, finishing when the sun was about to set.
“What a shitty hoe…”
“If it’s not a sword, I don’t care. Say thanks that I at least crafted it. Now see ya.”
“Where are you going?”
“To my father. It’s Monday.”
I already washed for a bit, enough to not smell too bad, then changed clothes and prepared to leave. I smiled satisfied and grabbed the food I made for him then went on my way, my uncle looking at my back with a rather neutral gaze. He then shouted at me out of nowhere,
“Oy brat.”
“What?”
“… Do you respect your father?”
“Yeah?”
“Even after he did what he did?”
“… It was either us or them. I can’t really blame him.”
“So you agree with his vendetta?”
“Yes.”
“I see… Be sure to lock the door once you get back.”
His neutral eyes flashed a sad amusement for a moment, then he instantly turned away to leave for a shower, waving his hand at me to leave.
What was that about?
I looked confused at him for a moment then just went on my way to the prison. After I arrived, the policemen that already knew me greeted me with a smile then let me in after a few basic questions and answers about work and life. I sat down in the waiting room and after it was finally time for me, I went to the bulletproof glass and picked up the phone.
“Yo dad, just got back from a trip.”
“I expect many great stories from you.”
He smiled gently and we chatted for a while, but I didn’t say too much as we barely had any time left.
“So you got a girlfriend now? Son, you surprise me.”
“Y-yeah… Even I’m not sure how it happened…”
“I guess it was destiny.”
I scratched my head confused while dad laughed amused. However, the next moment his eyes turned sharp and the mood turned severe, father changing the subject in a moment.
“However, son… I heard the name of the one who came up with that dumb law one year ago.”
“… You’re still searching for them, father?”
My smile also died down and a pained expression appeared on my face. I simply hated it whenever dad talked about what happened one year ago as if he was unable to let go of the past.
I can’t say I’m any better either…
What was more annoying was that I couldn’t help but be interested in his words while anger and pain resurfaced inside me whenever we talked about this, showing that I wasn’t able to let go of my past just yet either.
“I will forever search for them, Leon. Until they pay…”
“… Alright, what did you find?”
I sighed then turned serious as well, both our eyes showing the same razor-sharp edge.
“His name is Darius Kurosaki. He’s half Japanese it seems. When he was in the parliament, he was a rather just person, but then someone close to him has been imprisoned for stealing around 9 thousand euros, a trifling sum, but still punished with good years of prison. He tried to do everything in his power to take his friend out. After more failed attempts, he was able to take him out by applying this kind of law when he got the signature of everyone in the parliament. Many said that he convinced them all because they also had allies imprisoned for the same reason, or some say that he bribed them. But how he did it, this doesn’t matter. What matters is that he is the bastard who came up with this f***** up law.”
“I see. And why are you telling me this? Is not like I know that person.”
Being a former officer, father had many connections and people he could ask for information. The reason why he didn’t ask his buddies to take him out was because it would cause a lot of trouble and, while free, he would still end up being supervised day and night, having no real freedom.
I thought about what he said with a deep frown and couldn’t help but feel like I heard this name before. Unable to recall anything, I continued on listening.
“The thing is after his law has been lifted, he quickly retreated from politics and moved somewhere in this city, but nobody really knows what he does now. However, what we do know is that he has a daughter and she goes to the same school as you.”
“Oh?”
“And I want you to find out as much as possible about this.”
“…Why? It’s not like your people can’t find her after digging out so much already.”
“Son, I want you to do your share as well. Don’t you wish to avenge your mother?”
“Father, I got work to do.”
Hearing that his daughter might be at the same school as me didn’t really surprise me that much, but the fact that father wanted to use me for his vendetta made me angry. He saw this and became more restless,
“Son, Leon! The bastard that did all of this to us it’s roaming freely just like that. You can’t just simply be indifferent about all of this-“
“Father!”
I shouted loudly, my heart beating fast as I breathed heavily.
“Don’t… make me an accomplice to… murder… Please…!”
I begged him while trying to control all the chaotic feelings inside me, father looking at me troubled for a moment. He sighed then said one more thing before closing, time being up already,
“Alright, son… but, just think about it…”
“…”
I said nothing and stood there in a daze for a while longer, another cop coming and telling me to get up and leave. On my way back I was swaying left and right as if my legs were made of lead. My mind was muddy while my body was heavy. My heart was beating quickly and I couldn’t help feeling like throwing up.
Just forget. Please, just forget! I don’t have to do this! I don’t want to! I won’t be the cause of a destroyed family! I don’t desire this for anyone!
I tried to stop my shaking hands. I didn’t feel fear because of the person that caused all of this, neither because my father wanted to kill him. But because he offered me the possibility to help, and the first thought I had was Let’s kill them.
I won’t kill anyone, nor will I be the cause of someone’s demise. I don’t want to be like father. I won’t be like him!
… So you do hate your father?
Waves of chaotic thoughts rushed inside my mind while I was strolling down the dark street, my eyes empty while conflicted feelings were making me feel like I had a fever.
No, I don’t hate him… But I don’t want to…
To what? To kill? You won’t be the one killing.
Stop thinking such b*******! As if it won’t be the same even if I’m using a borrowed knife! You know this well!
Does it matter? That bastard made you so miserable! Look at you! Screwed up to such a point that you can’t handle social events where you participated before with ease. Even worse, you began talking to yourself! If you’re like this, imagine how crazy your father must’ve become!
Haah~! F***…!
I respected my dad and I was able to understand his mad actions as it was a matter of life and death. But I still can’t agree with his desire for a fulfilled revenge, and nor do I want to. I can’t agree with murdering more innocents. Just how are we better than them? I couldn’t agree to it… Yet… something was telling me that, if I didn’t resolve this quickly, all my irritation and pain I was able to forget and subdue till now, would suddenly resurface a few times stronger than before, turning me into a monster sooner or later… just like father.
After I arrived home, my uncle was drinking continuously while gazing at the starry sky, glancing at me once then back at the sky. I said nothing as I sat down beside him, not saying a word. I stared at the clear starry sky as well and then asked suddenly,
“First time we met… you said that you would have done the same as my father… So you would resolve to murder as well?”
“If I was him, yeah. If I was an officer, if I had a beautiful wife, a smart kid, a fulfilling life. I would have murdered the first bastard that would even touch this perfect life.”
“… What if you were you?”
“Then I wouldn’t do it…”
“Why?”
“… Because I already lost everything once and understood that, humans can’t do justice, they can only become like the evil, and pay evil with evil.”
“Humans can’t do… justice? What do you mean?”
I looked surprised at him then he stared at me with eyes I never saw before. They appeared so deep and wise as if he already lived through everything, as if he was an old hermit in the body of a middle-aged person.
“Evil has its roots in a human’s emotions and thoughts. When a human can no longer control these two, the Evil comes out and makes them do bad things… Now, tell me, Leon. What is justice?”
“… It’s the punishment of Evil.”
“Exactly. But tell me once again… How can a creature that is the root of all Evil, be also the bringer of Justice? Isn’t that just hypocrisy? Isn’t it just a fake justice that’s used only to satisfy our own uncontrollable feelings legally? Uncontrollable feelings that, in the end, are only another form of Evil.”
“Then… how can we combat Evil? Do we just leave it to do what it wants?”
“We can’t combat it… But we can defend ourselves from it. Evil is not to be purged from the others, but from within.”
“… So that makes father a person worse than those gangsters he killed.”
“Kids, women… old or young, he massacred them all, Leon… I can’t agree with such a mentality, and neither should you.”
“B-but then, just what is Justice?!”
“Humans are unable to bring justice. God can, Karma can, but humans? We cannot. This might be one of the very few factors that differentiate us and them.”
“…”
I didn’t say anymore and just sighed, feeling no more fear or anger, but only depressed, my shoulders falling heavy.
I think… I’ll just focus on working on that armor… Just put everything else aside… Not worth it…
