Epsilon gave out a deep sigh as he understood what was happening to him and what his destiny would be in the future. More and more he realized his sighs and long breaths had increased in this new world, and if he ever to put it all together, it would be enough to fill in an entire planet’s atmosphere.
Not that he liked this but there were no options available to him to change his situation or what he was experiencing. It was most likely that he believed he needed to change how he thought about his predicaments even though he knew he was helpless to some extent in choosing it.
His thoughts were complicated and did not have any correlation with the meaning of life or its fulfilment. He knew there was nothing he could not do but he also believed it would be best for him to understand what he could change. If he could not take what he wanted, then he also wanted to find options that would match his desire and be accessible to him at the same time. Who would have thought that things would turn out like this?!
Epsilon gulped as he thought about the future and felt something amiss in his heart. It felt like a dull ache, or maybe just a feeling that ensnared him with the loss of a beloved or the pain of not having what he wanted. It was not like he did not want it or that he did not know what he was looking for; it was just that this feeling of loss was very new to him. These were not the emotions he was familiar with, and perhaps even welcomed. But he was feeling it at the moment nonetheless.
Epsilon then noticed something different in his surrounding. He was still in his courtyard but it appeared stranger than usual. He let out a cold breath and started watching his thoughts unfold. Why did he suddenly feel a sense of hopelessness in his heart and mind? Why was he feeling like he lost something that he always had? It was just like a man who had a crush on a girl and was seeing the girl with another man, feeling desperate and unworthy.
It was not like the man did not have a girlfriend or a lover. It was just that the girl he wanted, chose another over him. There was something problematic with this version of his feeling. It was not about love or crush; it was about self-esteem. When he thought about it a little more, he realized the problem was simpler — in one word, it was his ego.
This confused feeling in Epsilon made him think about his inflated ego. He could not accept the things he wanted but could not get. He believed that the girl he wanted should rightly choose him because he was the better option. In his mind, there was no logical explanation for being passed over.
Epsilon was getting caught in a quagmire that he could not extricate himself from. Even if realized this, knowing the problem and feeling something was not the same. One can know many things but without feeling it, it lost its realness. It would just degrade to a thing that could not be understood. The ego was activated here. The one who knew a lot but did not feel emotions was suffering from a different kind of handicap.
It was just like someone reminiscing to a friend that he loved a girl too much. His friend knew what it meant to love but never loved someone. Such people could advise to not care and move on. But even if the friend knew what it meant to love, that was not the same as loving someone. Knowing the concept was not like understanding its meaning. Epsilon felt let down and right now, he felt bad for himself.
Without stopping to care about others and their viewpoint about his character and his demeanor, nothing would change. Epsilon gave out another sigh and started accepting the feelings coursing through him right now in all its vividness. Having to not think about the feeling was not the same as not being affected by it. It would only make the feeling dormant momentarily, waiting to rear its head in his moment of weakness.
However, if he accepted that nothing would be always the same and there would be things that he could not take and might have to let go of, that in itself could be a source of strength. No matter how precious, there would always be something that got away.
Only by letting himself feel the full blow of his emotions, he could comprehend life and let go of the feeling he harbored towards the desired target.
“What power can I gain that would have got into my pocket and my mind?”
Epsilon asked himself. He started feeling too evil as time passed by, surfacing in his eyes. He was too arrogant and had a bad attitude. He was in a state of power-drunkness even if he did not want to be in it. It was like power had anchored itself onto him, dragging him down while giving him delusions of grandeur.
He felt that he was the most powerful of all, the one who stood at the top of the value chain and could command others. He could point his finger at anything and would want it to obediently come to him and sit on his lap, waiting for instructions.
However, that is neither life nor reality. No matter what kind of power or money anyone had, even if it was worth no less than an ant in his eyes, there would be times that the target itself would not want it.
Arrogance was poison for people. It killed its host slowly and painfully. Not to mention the reason behind the arrogance of the user would only damage their thoughts. But what could be done to eliminate arrogance from the soul of a person?
