Having reached some semblance of a solution, Epsilon smiled. He believed the answer he was looking for was gratitude. The only way to break arrogance was indeed humility, which comes when people are thankful for what they have and accept what they do not. This itself was progress for evolved human beings. However, this was not even the issue in Epsilon’s current problem. That was because the problem was never there. These were all just ramblings of his mind, perhaps a shadow created due to the long period of his overachievements.
These thoughts were still crisscrossing in his mind, creating diversions. He could no longer be sure of what he was thinking or what he had experienced. However, he realized there was a change in his mind and feelings towards several concepts. It may be retribution for his wrongdoings. If not for the simple understanding of these events, then there should be no problem in the long run on his mind and soul.
Epsilon focused on calming his breathing when a pyramid-shaped building, that was hollow inside, manifested from nothing. Following this, he entered deep meditation with a slightly more peaceful mind. What he was seeing as a problem that must be solved to progress forward was indeed nothing more than the feelings coursing within him.
What would he be if he were to see his feelings as problems? Probably, nothing good. He did not believe that if he were to solve these things they would vanish from existence. He can’t do so for the time being or ever.
However, if he accepted these feelings and used his own emotions to stop them from taking over his body and mind, things would be different from what he expected. This would also change his understanding of the events that take place around him.
Epsilon did not look away or shy away from his feelings. He accepted and watched them go on. Was it easy to watch your thoughts progress and take shape?
The answer for someone like Epsilon was that it was not easy at all. It was hard and energy-consuming. But what can be done if the answer was gratitude and to accept it, the only possible way was to watch your thoughts?
Not overthinking, not scaring away or brushing off his feelings, but just observing and opening up his mind. At that time, as he was immersed in observing his thoughts, a word appeared in his mind.
“Krizantem”
The Krizantem. What was the meaning of this word? What was it? Why did he suddenly remember or think about it?
Epsilon was not aware but Krizantem was the one who created everything about his life and the world that he was living in, the universes even. Everything about his existence. It was the author. An unknown being with no limit to his power but there was no chance for Epsilon to know that. Even if he did find out about it at some point, it would only be because Krizantem wanted him to.
This was a different notion from usual. Would it be different if other things would change his life’s position? What would be the changes if he were to just nod his head to this as a gesture of understanding? Why would people sometimes just nod their heads even if they did not understand what was being said? These were social behavioral patterns. These showed that they were listening. Epsilon took a deep breath and whispered.
“Talking does not mean speaking and hearing does not mean listening.”
“There were fundemental differences between talking and speaking or hearing and listening.”
Epsilon gave out a cold breath and noticed something. He could not remember the name that had just come to his mind. He clearly remembered he had thought of a name within his mind just a moment ago, but right now, he could not recall it at all. He was even forgetting the broad contour of what he forgot.
This was yet a different problem that attacked him now. Why could he not remember what was the name? Was it really just a dream or something more? He did not understand. Epsilon stopped thinking as he noticed that things would become more complicated if he continued down this path. Things were not easy, to begin with, and he could already feel that the worst was yet to pass.
He once again watched his thoughts pass by. What would be the problem of thoughts? The thought forced him to work his mind and the mind manipulated itself to understand what kind of thoughts opened in his head.
This kind of rampantness was not the best thing for Epsilon. He was still lost in the fact that he could not accept what he could not have and wondered the reasons behind it. Searching for a reason was also thinking and thinking needed answers. It was a loop, as he could not find the answer.
Because of that, the dilemma would still go in his head in circles, becoming almost painful after a point. He watched his thoughts intently and yet could not remember the forgotten name. He stopped all his attempts now in searching for it. He just kept watching his thoughts. Thinking would not resolve this pit he had gotten in any way.
Even at the time when the name appeared, it had not helped or comforted him. What would change even if he did remember the name? Epsilon took a deep breath and gulped. He opened his eyes and noticed the pyramid shape around him.
“I am certain things are no longer the same.”
Epsilon understood what the pyramid and the triangle shape symbolized but did not think about it. He looked at the pyramid just as he watched his thoughts. Thinking about it would open other possibilities but the possibilities needed answers. The ending would be that he would not find an answer and it would impel his mind to explode.
Ordinary humans forcing themselves would result in a severe headache. But for Epsilon, forcing his mind would mean the use of magical energy and too much of it would mean exploding his head. Very similar to the way the Plasma Bullets exploded the heads of his many targets in the past. He did not want that to happen to him. The only way for him to avoid such a fate was to find a simple and basic reason or not look for an answer at all.
He did not need questions and not all questions needed answers. Indeed, some things were better left unanswered.
