Those memories that I thought I have already forgotten, they’re coming back again.
“Mrs. Kismet, your son has been constantly getting in a lot of fights. And what makes me feel concerned is that his way of fighting is too violent for his age. Last time he tried to beat his classmates with a metal bar while laughing. To be honest, we are starting to run out of ideas on how to deal with him. Especially knowing that the only reason he’s still studying here is that you and Myrtle’s parents begged for us to take him in because there were no other schools willing to accept him anymore.”
My homeroom teacher pressed her reading glasses while looking at me with visible concern on her face.
“I am very sorry for what just happened. I will have a proper talk with my son about this incident. It will never happen again.”
My homeroom teacher slowly exhaled. “You promised the same thing last time. Furthermore, He is just 10 years old, and seeing this behavior at his age is quite alarming. I hope he didn’t learn these violent behaviors at home.”
Mom immediately shook her head. “He didn’t. My husband and I are doing our best to teach them good behaviors.”
“Then, where did he learn that behavior?”
Mom didn’t answer and just looked down.
After they were done talking, mom took me home. While walking down the street towards our home, I looked up and stared at her face. Of my parents, the one I had a resemblance to the most was my mom, she had back-length wavy black long hair and a gentle face that always had a gentle smile on them. Except at this very moment.
She stared at me with sadness in her eyes. “What happened this time, Casimir?”
“They were making fun of Myrtle.”
She stopped walking and sat right in front of me and patted my head. “Look, Casimir. Protecting your friend is a great thing, I will be very proud to hear that my son saved his friend. But you should know that violence is not always the answer to everything. At least, try to talk your way first before doing something so reckless.” With her frustrated voice, she chuckled. “I can’t believe I am saying these words to my 10 years old son.”
The next day, a visitor very close to me visited our house. My grandma Lucia.
“I don’t know what’s happening. Don’t all the members of our… family no longer act that way? Even Irina not even once acted like that. What makes Casimir different?”
I was in the living room standing at the door of the kitchen while they were in the kitchen. I could hear their weak voices.
“Should I and your father take care of him for a while? Maybe a different environment could change him.” Grandma said with a voice full of concern.
“No, mom. I should be the one taking care of him. I don’t want him to get distant from us, I will deal with this issue on my own.”
“Well, if that’s your decision, I can’t do anything about it. Anyway, what did Axel think about this?”
“I haven’t told him yet.”
“It’s already been happening so many times, you haven’t told him yet?”
“I just don’t want to stress him out. I just told him Casimir wants to go to school where Myrtle is.”
“My goodness, Frida! Don’t bottle it up!” The sound of grandma’s sigh echoed throughout the room. “How about Irina? Where is she?”
“She’s still in school.”
I sat back on the sofa as I heard their voices coming near.
While shaking her head, my grandma walked toward me and revealed a gentle smile. I was sitting on the sofa in the living room in front of the television.
My grandma had wavy shoulder-length black hair. For a grandma, she still looked young, old but not that old.
“Mind if I sit here, Casimir?”
I nodded and watched her sit next to me. She stared at the television first and shifted her gentle smile at me. She touched my cheek and pinched it a little.
“Look at you, you have my and your mom’s eyes and lips.” I couldn’t help but smile at my grandma’s tender praises. “You haven’t given your loving grandma a huge hug yet.”
I hugged her and felt her gentle hand gently rubbing my still small back. I felt her gentle exhale before rubbing my head. Afterward, she gently pushed me away.
“Casimir, I want you to listen to me. Can you do it?”
I nodded and smiled. “Yes, grandma.”
Her gentle smile became wider as she kissed my forehead. “Good. Now I want you to understand that causing pain or suffering to someone or something is never a good thing. You are a very kind child that is why you should never cause any suffering to someone. The only thing that you should do is to stop one’s suffering, not to cause them.”
“Stop their suffering, not to cause them?”
Grandma smiled as she gently pinched my nose. “Yes. Can you do that for grandma, Casimir?”
“Yes, grandma.”
She hugged me again. “Good, good, that’s my Casimir.”
Days had passed since grandma visited us. I learned my lesson, at least that’s what I thought.
“Mom! Mom!”
I watched my 8-year-old little sister Irina as she ran away from me while crying.
After a few seconds, she came back while pulling mom towards our backyard where I was. With tears in her eyes, she pointed her index finger at me. “Big bro Casimir killed my rabbits!”
I clearly saw how mom’s concerned face turned into anger as she darted her eyes to the things I was holding in my hands.
“Casimir! What have you done?”
I raised my hands while holding the two corpses of white rabbits and innocently stared at her. “These rabbits were sick, they were suffering. I just ended their suffering.” I smiled knowing that I did the right thing, just like what grandma told me.
Instantly, mom’s outraged face turned into a face of fear. It’s still vivid in my memory, of how mom slowly walked back while staring at me with great disbelief in her eyes. Ignoring the innocent Irina just crying because her big brother killed her rabbits, unaware of what realization occurred around her.
The way she looked at me at that very moment. She was not looking at me as to how a mother should look at her son. She looked at me as if I was something else. Something terrifying. It just happened in a very brief moment, but that stare was engraved in my memory as a child.
As if a switch was flipped inside her head, her eyes widened, and immediately ran towards me and hugged me so tightly. “Forgive me, Casimir. I didn’t mean it. Forgive me! I didn’t mean it!”
But it’s already happened.
I dropped the two rabbit corpses I was holding in my hands.
I finally learned my lesson. Those eyes. I don’t want to see her doing that expression while looking at me ever again.
