Death was pitch black.
I couldn’t put my finger on it or prove it exactly, but I definitely felt like I was moving. And, like the dilemma about whether I was dead or not, I didn’t really know if it was me or my surroundings that were in motion. The amount of information I was trying to process made my head hurt. Wait a second, head? I thought I was dead. If I still had the ability to feel discomfort, that must be a clear sign that I was alive!
The party soon stopped when I remembered how my right hand looked. Even though I didn’t know whether I had a mouth or not, I still felt like vomiting. The image of charred flesh jumpscared me every time I closed my eyes. Wait, I have eyes? What and where am I? Did Mary manage to get a firefighter to save me? Did they manage to put out the fires just as I was losing consciousness?
No, I definitely died. Maybe this depressing void of black nothingness is the afterlife; so the atheists were right, it is just a black void. Well, at least I died a hero. At least, that’s what I think. To some, my death will seem pretty stupid; jumping recklessly into a burning building isn’t really the smartest of moves. Then again, I saved my sister’s life. If I didn’t step in, she would have died before the firefighters even got to her. A life for a life, what a cruel world.
I remember learning about Buddhism in History class and the belief in reincarnation. I wasn’t super religious, but boy if this reincarnation business was real, I hope I’m reincarnated as a handsome 6’4″ dude with great genes. Hell, maybe this dark void was just the reception hall to the reincarnation.
[ERROR: KARMIC LEVELS ARE EQUALLY BALANCED. REQUESTING RESTART OF SUBJECT’S KARMA]
Excuse me?
It sounded like Amazon Alexa was speaking from my brain or something. Is someone else in this dark pit of despair with me?
[CANNOT REINCARNATE USER INTO APPROPRIATE LIGHT OR DARK PHYSICAL FORM. ATTEMPTING REINCARNATION]
Attempting what? What the hell was happening?
[ATTEMPT FAILED. ATTEMPTING REINCARNATION]
Oh, I see, it’s trying to reincarnate me! I knew this melancholic hole of sadness was just a waiting room for the reincarnated! But why is it saying error? I read somewhere that a person is reincarnated based on their karma and deeds throughout their life. For example, if a person lives a virtuous life and accumulates good karma, they are believed to be reborn into a better situation in their next life, such as a higher social status or a more favorable environment. On the other hand, if a person accumulates bad karma through negative actions, they are believed to be reborn into a worse situation, such as a lower social status or a difficult life.
But mine says error. What does that mean?
[ATTEMPT FAILED. ATTEMPTING REINCARNATION]
Again? Reincarnating me shouldn’t be this hard.
[TOO MANY FAILED ATTEMPTS. RESTARTING SUBJECT EVALUATION]
[EVALUATION RESULT: PERFECT BALANCE OF KARMA]
[ACCUMULATION OF POSITIVE KARMA: 500]
[ACCUMULATION OF NEGATIVE KARMA: 500]
I got a perfect 50/50 score! Wait, just what exactly did I do to even accumulate 500 negative karma?
[ATTEMPTING TO REINCARNATE SUBJECT INTO THE LIGHT RACE]
[ATTEMPT FAILED]
How long is it going to do this for, man. It’s getting so annoying.
[ATTEMPTING TO REINCARNATE SUBJECT INTO THE EVILS RACE]
Let me guess, attempt fai-
[ATTEMPT FAILED]
Dude, just give up already. Just how long is it going to do this for?
– ☼ –
20 days.
It has been attempting to reincarnate me for about approximately 20 days. For all I know, it could be longer. I started counting the minutes when I got bored. This was worst than hell, hell, maybe it IS Hell. The constant, annoying, and monotone voice of whatever entity this is made me want to rip my non-existant hair out.
[ATTEMPT FAILED. RE-ATTEMPTING REINCARNATION OF SUBJECT INTO THE EVILS RACE]
It usually tries this for about a tenth of a second. Then, on cue, it fails.
[ATTEMPT FAILED. RESTARTING ATTEMPT]
[ATTEMPTING TO REINCARNATE SUBJECT INTO THE VIRTUES RACE]
Wanna know how many times it’s done this over the past 20 days? I’ll let you guess. Ok, so you’re number was close, but not close enough. From what I’ve counted, this voice has attempted over 6,000 times. Now, I want you to imagine being trapped in a black empty void; unable to move, see, or talk and forced to listen to the most monotone voice you’ve ever heard attempt something and fail everytime for 20 straight days. Yeah, it’d turn the Pope into a damn atheist, I’ll tell ya that much.
Also, I can’t tune it out because it’s speaking directy into my head. It’s like trying to avoid air.
[TOO MANY FAILED ATTEMPTS…RE-EVALUATING OPTIONS…]
Gasp, am I finally free from the torture of having to hear Afterlife Alexa fail over and over?
[REQUESTING PERMISSION FOR CREATION OF NEW CATEGORY…]
Permission? I wonder who or what it’s asking permission to carry out it’s actions.
[REQUEST GRANTED. ATTEMPTING CREATION OF NEW EXISTANCE CATEGORY]
So I really am getting free of this dark hellscape. God is good.
[CREATION OF NEW CATEGORY IS SUCCESSFUL]
Finally, Afterlife Alexa’s first win. I wonder what it’ll try and reincarnate me as next, hopefully not a gerbil or something stupid as that.
[RE-ATTEMPTING REINCARNATION…]
Moment of truth.
[ATTEMPTING TO REINCARNATE SUBJECT AS DATA LIFEFORM]
[ATTEMPT FAILED]
[RESTARING ATTEMPT]
[ATTEMPTING TO REINCARNATE SUBJECT AS SPIRITUAL LIFEFORM]
[…]
[…]
Why was it taking so long? In my experience with computers and tech, if it’s taking longer than usual; it’s either because it’s getting ready or it’s stopped working.
[REINCARNATION SUCCESSFUL!]
[REINCARNATING SUBJECT INTO SPIRITUAL LIFEFORM]
Before I could process anything, I felt me and my surrounding moving again. I was getting reincarnated! I didn’t feel like I possessed a body, but I could feel every inch of my being vibrate. This was it,
A second chance.
[GATHERING SKILLS FOR NEW BODY]
[REPORT: ACQUISITION OF SKILLS IS SUCCESSFUL]
[ACQUIRED COMMON SKILLS: 𝗙𝗟𝗢𝗔𝗧, 𝗣𝗥𝗢𝗖𝗘𝗦𝗦, 𝗠𝗜𝗖𝗥𝗢𝗠𝗔𝗡𝗔𝗚𝗘𝗥, 𝗔𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗬𝗭𝗘, 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗔𝗦𝗦𝗘𝗦𝗦 IS SUCCESSFUL]
Skills? Like abilities? I am human right? If I remember correctly, the Afterlife Alexa said something about spiritual lifeform. Wonder what that was all about.
[ACQUISITION OF SPECIAL SKILL 𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗣𝗨𝗧𝗘𝗥]
[ATTEMPTING EVOLUTION OF SKILL 𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗣𝗨𝗧𝗘𝗥]
[…]
[…]
[SUCCESS! SPECIAL SKILL 𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗣𝗨𝗧𝗘𝗥 HAS BEEN UPGRADED TO RARE SKILL 𝗦𝗨𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗣𝗨𝗧𝗘𝗥]
[ATTEMPTING TO MERGE SKILLS 𝗔𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗬𝗭𝗘 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗔𝗦𝗦𝗘𝗦𝗦]
[…]
[…]
[SUCCESS! SKILLS 𝗔𝗡𝗔𝗟𝗬𝗭𝗘 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗔𝗦𝗦𝗘𝗦𝗦 HAVE BEEN COMBINED INTO SPECIAL SKILL 𝗣𝗥𝗢𝗖𝗖𝗘𝗦𝗢𝗥]
[ATTEMPTING TO MERGE SKILL 𝗣𝗥𝗢𝗖𝗖𝗘𝗦𝗢𝗥 AND 𝗦𝗨𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗣𝗨𝗧𝗘𝗥…]
[SUCCESS! CREATION OF RARE SKILL 𝗗𝗜𝗚𝗜𝗧𝗔𝗟 𝗠𝗔𝗡𝗜𝗣𝗨𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡]
[ERROR! ABANDONG SKILL…]
[RE-ATTEMPTING MERGE…]
[..]
[..]
[SUCCESS! MERGE OF SKILL 𝗣𝗥𝗢𝗖𝗖𝗘𝗦𝗢𝗥 AND 𝗦𝗨𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗖𝗢𝗠𝗣𝗨𝗧𝗘𝗥, ADDING RARE SKILL 𝗗𝗔𝗧𝗔 𝗠𝗔𝗡𝗜𝗣𝗨𝗟𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡…]
[SUCCESS! CREATION OF RARE SKILL 𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗜𝗙𝗜𝗖𝗜𝗔𝗟 𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗟𝗟𝗜𝗚𝗘𝗡𝗖𝗘]
[REINCARNATION SUCCESS! TRANSFERING SUBJECT TO REALITY]
[TRANSFER SUCCESS!]
– ☼ –
