You f*****!
Furious beyond reason, Shen punched the golem right into the face, damaging his own fist, covering it with bruises, but breaking the golem into boulders. With a heavy breath, Shen thought to himself while a deep frown covered his forehead,
That was Miha’s voice… Tsk, just what was in my mind to tell her back then that my life was ending?! Just because I had a crush on her and we were on friendly terms? God, I was f****** retarded.
Dark memories resurfaced into his mind but this only made Shen’s hate ignite even more, being now able to ignore the pain in his hands and all over his body.
Right after, more such golems of different dimensions and with either manly or womanly traits tried to push him back down with cold eyes and no facial expression.
[I heard you might die, so does that mean I can stop being your friend?][Johanes! Where is your homework?! I don’t care if you’re sick or whatnot! Next time you don’t bring me your homework, I will fail you!][Pfft, not long ago that old hag of a great grandmother said you might become a great genius but look at you, already looking half-dead. Here I thought you’ll bring some benefits to your family that bothered with raising you.]
Former school teachers, colleagues, even his own family members, all of them bombarded him with nothing but ridicule and Shen couldn’t help but also blame himself for at least trying to believe in them. Although he was but a child and still naïve at that time, he couldn’t help it but want to also punch himself.
More and more such words resounded from every golem and Shen’s sharp gaze stared with blood-shot eyes at all of them, clenching his fists and stabbing the walls with his bloody fingers.
Marius, just as I said back then: “Then piss off, you fake!” Teacher Marry, you failed me anyway so go suck it. And aunt Lara, just f*** off! Maybe I don’t remember my parents, but I do remember how you only nagged me for being a “useless brat”!
With each punch, Shen would destroy every golem that appeared from inside the wall, but each time his arms would get more bloody and numb, giving him a hard time to control his fingers and muscles.
Gah!
Because his arms were too damaged, Shen’s finger slipped without power and after being pushed once again by other golems, his back was slowly nearing the road which was already starting to collapse.
As if!
Just as he was about to grab back onto the wall and start punching onto the golems once again, something unpredictable happened.
[You can do it.]
Huh?
Shen’s rage reached the boiling point and was ready to explode, but a hand suddenly pushed him back up from the back while an unfamiliar voice resounded kindly in his ear.
[Don’t belittle yourself, Johan. Don’t forget about yourself and don’t let yourself be pushed around like this, my child. I know that once you’ll grow up, your path will be filled with greatness and honor. But for now, please bear this burden of being different. Although you are different, that doesn’t mean you are the only one. Many more will appear before your path and you’ll be able to finally find your place. Until then, please stay strong… my child.]
Looking behind, Shen saw another such golem that continued to push him back up, making Shen feel through that palm a foreign feeling.
….Eh?
Unable to understand the bursting feeling that was making his heart as if tear and heal at the same time, Shen’s eyes started to tear up and a feeling of comfort and warmth extinguished his rage and let the frustration flow outside him through rivers of sour tears.
Guh! Damn it!
Unable to control his own feelings, Shen continued to cry his eyes out while the golem that continued to push him up with one arm, also pushed the arms of the other golems away while also continuing to say kind words as to block the mean ones from the other golems.
[The world is wide while life is long, you yourself are the one to decide what to do with it. You won’t die, nor will you end up disabled, but you will turn out into a champion in life. I do not say this just to be said, but because I know I’m speaking the truth. If you can’t believe in your chances of survival, then please believe in my wish for your wellbeing. Even if the world will turn against you, please remember that you will always have an ally right here, forever by your side, dear child.]
Shen grabbed a hold onto the wall once again and, although he was trembling, he was doing so simply because of the strong feelings flowing through him, at the moment having a hard time even moving.
Why… Why did I have to forget about you…? Just who are you…?
With tears in his eyes, Shen gazed back at the kind and warm golem that continued to push his back as if telling him to continue climbing.
Sighing out to calm his heart, Shen shook his head and continued to climb while the golem from behind him prevented him from falling again.
His blood stained the wall while his sweat dripped from all his pores, but he continued to push forward and climb amidst the storm and tremors until he finally reached the top of the building. With heavy steps then went toward the other end of the building and got down with incredible ease. Just as he touched the ground, two shadows appeared in front of him. It was a woman who was crying her eyes out on her knees, while a young boy stood tall and with a healthy posture in front of her, patting her back and trying to help her get up.
[You went through…! You really went through this…!][M-mother! What are you crying for?! Please get up! Are you hurt? Is there something wrong with your stomach?!]
The child seemed completely oblivious of the hardships he went through and the great help he received from his mother, but Shen who observed everything from another perspective understood almost immediately as he froze in place after recalling the golem,
My… mother…? So it was my mother who helped me so much…? I can remember all those hardships and pains I had to go through, but I simply can’t remember how in the world I was able to go through all of that! At first, I thought it was because of my mentality of simply forgetting the painful memories and keeping only the useful ones, but it was actually… because of her…?
While stepping forward, his body turned back to normal as his clothes also changed to the same messy lord-like ones after the battle. While thinking to himself, he looked in front of him and saw the shadows disappear in smoke and Kaveh’s voice resounded again.
[You finally became aware of the hardships in your way, but even so, you still decided to continue fighting for your survival, not necessarily for yourself, but for someone else who would dare give their own lives for you.]
… Why would they do so?
With cold and confused eyes, Shen still asked the easiest question which for him had the toughest answer, unable to understand how could a person think so much about someone else.
[You will find out eventually. Until then…]
Seeing that Kaveh won’t answer his questions, Shen simply shook his head and continued forward. Doing so, more roads appeared before him and connected with the main one, making him stop and look around.
Choices in life…
Shen looked around with a frown and thought to himself which way to go, only to finally observe that right beside him, there was another pair of golden footprints.
… Kaveh? Is it you?
Shen waved his hand above the footprints but there was nothing. Even so, the two footprints continued forward on the main road, as if simply ignoring the other roads. The footprints then stopped for a moment and appeared as if he or she turned around.
… Is it waiting for me to follow?
Shen couldn’t feel any danger and simply continued forward. While doing so, around him on left and right, fences started to raise as if protecting the road from any and all external elements. The more he continued, the fences became of 2m height, then barbed wires filled the top while the base was of strong concrete. A few moments later and the fences were looking now just like those from a high-class prisons, with lights that monitored the one inside, with video-cameras watching over him, with no gate or door that would let him go outside from that world.
… Age 15 to 18 when I became aware of just how limited the world is. For quite a long period of time, I fell into the trap of thinking that if the world is limited, then automatically I’m also limited… A lie that, in a way was rather beneficial as I couldn’t help but grow tougher, the mentality of “me against the world” slowly growing inside my mind and forcing myself to grow more detached and to accept whatever happened around me.
Shen continued forward and while doing so, a body suddenly appeared in front of him, laying down in a pool of blood while from his blood the following words were written:
[…maybe from now on, you might be able to dare and give out a helping hand, at least to those who truly need it…]…John.
I frowned while a stabbing feeling made my heart jump in pain. I bowed in anguish in front of the corpse, trying to keep my calm, then continued on forward while observing how the walls and fences around the road started to collapse while the light-poles and cameras continued to monitor me.
[A child had to die for you to learn about kindness. You had to refuse a pained soul first so you could open up later on. Indeed, many have been helped and even saved by you afterward, but this one will forever remain a lost soul. Guilt forever to haunt you.]
Continue.
Shen growled through clenched teeth as his feet rushed forward, already sickened of this weird story which was talking about parts of his life that changed him the most and turned him into what he is today.
As Shen continued forward, a light wind suddenly attracted his attention as he felt it like a light cold breeze on his cheek. He immediately froze in place as he recognized this feeling immediately.
Mana…?
It was the thin and barely sensible mana from Earth.
-BOOM!-
The cameras collapsed, some of the buildings self-demolished and in their places tall trees started to grow while imposing mountains were now visible beyond the blocks made of concrete. Mysterious flowers bloomed around his road while dancing little leaves surrounded his road.
We exist-exist..-exist….
See us-us..-us….
Feel us-us-..us…
While looking around through the tall trees and huge blooming bushes, Shen heard quiet whispers in his mind and ever so slightly, a little grey mist would appear and disappear here and there behind the bushes and trees, as if trying to attract his attention but at the same time, to hide from his gaze.
This… An experience I can’t remember…
Shen focused his gaze around and observed how through the urban corners, there would suddenly appear a little flower, a green patch of grass, while a mysterious mist would cover all the tips of mountains behind the city.
[You finally understood that even if your era has forgotten about the unseen, that did not mean the unseen has vanished. It remained there, the same as before, only waiting for humanity to awaken once again and recognize their existence just like before. Maybe you did forgot now, but many natural spirits caught your attention when you went into an excursion inside the mountains, learning from them many tips and tricks about mana, about the law of nature, and about the wonders of life. Although not directly, you were able to get enlightened about all of these simply by feeling them, hearing them, and sometimes even seeing their shadowy forms. A sudden growth in your spiritual powers appeared in that one day and slowly after, you also advanced in your mana-control together with chi-manipulation.]
So that’s how everything started… I had a huge gap in my memories because of this.
Shen couldn’t help but feel conflicted feelings. Kaveh tried to find many faults in him, but now he was as if helping him gain back at least bits and pieces of his own history that he forgot because of the devil.
-RUMBLE~!!!-
Suddenly the entire world started shaking and everything collapsed. Darkness engulfed him then-
-BOOM!-
From the ground, humongous trees pierced the skies with their wide green, yellow, brown, and even purplish crowns, while far in the distance gigantic chains of mountains surrounded the forest that was now surrounding his path, together with colorful and mysterious foreign plans and flowers unknown to Earth, but still so familiar for Shen.
This is… Sario.
Shen observed the differences from this world to the one from before and just as he stared around relaxed-
GROWL~!!!-
A humongous Infernal Gorilla slammed the ground furiously, shaking the earth under Shen and dashing towards him in rage. Shen looked somewhat confused but at the same time having a familiar feeling while staring at the monstrous beast dashing towards him.
I think I’ve met you before… Ah, yes. It was inside Gabriel’s cave. Haha~ that old soul actually left behind such a troublesome thing.
The beast then rushed right through Shen as it turned into smoke, looking as if a ghost and not the actual thing, slowly disappearing into nothingness.
[Your first life and death experience, your first thrilling battle, your first real fight, and your first real victory. You learned so much of both this world and of yourself from this one battle alone, that even we remained surprised by how much you’ve grown. If only things remained like that, then maybe now your fate would have been much quieter and tranquil. But-]
-RUMBLE~!!!-
A great mountain suddenly erected through his path and nothing but sharp stones filled his road.
…God damn, another test.
Shen scratched his head annoyed and started walking forward. His every step, unable to penetrate his leather boots, smashed the sharp stones under his feet, such letting him continue toward the tip of the mountain with close to no difficulty.
Hmph, this is much easier in comparison with how the first one was.
Shen harrumphed somewhat confused as he continued onward the rocky mountain.
Ten minutes, one hour, one day. Time passed by as Shen continued forward, confused about just how tall the mountain actually was, and a sudden feeling struck him.
Damn this is depressing…
Looking around, Shen saw nothing but rocks and dust, the wind lightly blowing through them as an eerie, almost maddening silence surrounded him for god knows how long now.
This test… I underestimated it…
Tiredness enveloped him as a feeling of grief and loneliness invaded his heart. His fighting spirit was slowly dissipating as a feeling of emptiness overwhelmed him.
F***!
-CRACK~!-
With one strong step Shen smashed a good part of the mountain as web cracks surrounded him now, trying to reignite his own spirit. With one irritated gaze Shen sharply rushed forward toward the tip, already sick of these sleepy feelings.
What the f*** man?! Suddenly feeling alone and such other crap like that! Ain’t got no time for loneliness when I’m in this crappy world where Kaveh keeps on screwing around with me for who knows how long now! Oy Kaveh! Drop the b******* and bring some real tests, damn it! Lemme fight some kinda dragon or s***! F****** Hell!
Annoyed out of his wits, Shen rushed with all his might toward the tip of the mountain and after almost feeling his tank emptied, a little light shone in front of a shadow, the light having a feminine silhouette, while the shadow having a male one. The shadow seemed quite apathetic and dejected. Seeing this, the light gently caressed his cheek with a tender touch, her eyes smiling as if trying to communicate with him. The shadow gazed faltering at the light and, timidly he reached out and caressed her cheek back, feeling her warmth and looking somewhat surprised. He couldn’t help but continue staring into her shining eyes, slowly reaching closer and, unable to hold himself back, to hug her gently, the light answering by doing the same, shining with a warm and pleasant glow. The next moment, this image disappeared before Shen, showing him the path toward the tip.
… Another memory I can’t remember…
Feeling a torn in his chest, Shen continued onward as his climb was no longer that long. However, these last minutes of climbing felt the most painful as he was unable to feel the warmth from that light, tiredness and a dejected feeling of loneliness still making his feet heavy.
God, how I hate this…
After he reached the peak of the mountain, another shiny silhouette appeared before him with his back toward him. The light turned toward Shen and he understood that the shiny silhouette was no one but himself. The light looked as if smiling at Shen then waved his hand and disappeared in globs of light.
I can’t…. remember…!
Already frustrated, Shen clenched his fists to the bleeding point while saying this through clenched teeth.
The mountain then suddenly disappeared as his road forward turned back to the forest road like before, the only difference being how another pair of steps were now glowing by his side, walking forward with confidence. Shen stared at those steps for a while, having them then disappear like the ones from before, but this time being able to understand that those steps were no one other than his but from the past. Kaveh voice then resounded once again, such hinting to Shen that he has to continue forward to continue the story,
[When everyone was going after your riches, after your life, only one person was going after your heart filled with thorns and enveloped in shadows as it was. She gladly embraced your weak beating heart, helping you to finally grow as a person and reach another level of maturity.]
How nice. Too bad I can’t remember any of that crap!
Irritated by all of this, Shen continued forward without even listening to Kaveh’s continuation of the narration.
Afterward, his path continued while having other minor changes such as a lake which represented the oceans, bright stars with visible galaxies and constellations, together with Sario itself that was enveloped by a humongous tree, all of them being visible on the night sky, all of this representing Shen’s travels toward Alfheim and his judgment. Some trees would turn uglier, with no leaves and a dry trunk, this showing the dangers of the miasma, while some clouds would appear in the sky with a few pieces of flying stone through them, this representing the wanders that he felt but yet to be able to see. However, the glowing steps appeared before him once again, but no longer with the same confidence and energy as before, but rather weakly going forward, as if tired and weakened, the glow also slowly fading its shine.
… This part… I remember.
Shen observed the footprints lose their shine with no more power, then a sound as if someone collapsed resounded and a dimming shining silhouette of himself appeared on the floor, while another shadow of himself hastily tried to bring him to his feet but to no avail.
[Wake up, Omisus! Get up! You can sleep and relax, but not to collapse! If you do this, then I’ll also-bzzt-…]
At the next moment, that shadow’s arms suddenly started to dissipate like smoke. Shen was able to observe a little string connecting the two, but the string was now slowly dissipating as the second shadow was now helplessly trying to wake up the shining one, but with no chance as the other one wasn’t even able to hear him. Slowly but surely, the second shadow disappeared while the shining one collapsed unconscious, only to be suddenly awakened by a dark and eerie mist.
[Hehehe~ the moment for mine revenge is near.]
-RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE~!!!-
Suddenly from the ground, another obstacle appeared as his path was blocked once again. However, this time Shen couldn’t help but shudder at the humongous deadly wall in front of him.
Is this… what I’ll have to climb now…?
He asked in disbelief as the wall in front of him was even taller than the tallest tree, with black and red stones sharper than any knife, while here and there, incandescent holes would erupt with fire and burning red stones. Spears protruded here and there in an uneven manner, while darkness was taking the form of Rosabhi here and there, haunting the hellish wall like a dark ghostly smoke.
[No chance for salvation…][Revenge will be served…][Nothing for you, just like there’s nothing for me…][Kekeke~…]
Dark whispers of an eerie and as if broken voice resounded from the darkness that was going around the wall.
[Exhaustion took over you as you overestimated yourself. Saving thousands of people, suffering deadly tortures, and even almost dying two times. Your spirit and mental strength couldn’t keep up with all of this happening in succession, such weakening your aura and together with it, your A.I. that held the devil down. From this experience, you should have learned this: A mortal will always have limits.]
Kaveh’s voice was domineering as sweat fell down Shen’s forehead. Even so, a defying smile was etched on his face as with a confident strong step he walked forward and immediately started climbing.
Limits? They exist only to be overrun, no? Otherwise, why am I still alive here and now? I went through this once, I can do it again.
Shen started to climb from one stone to another, to dodge or resist the incinerating flames one after the other, while repelling back the dark smoke by creating waves of wild mana from all around him.
Now that I look back, I went through so much crap, through so many trials, as if the heavens themselves smacked and bashed me on walls ever since young. No wonder I’m such a tough cookie.
Shen continued climbing with a moderate speed while his fingers started bleeding, his skin turned black from the flames, while his mind was swirling with dark thoughts from the smoke. Even so, his spirit was as if reignited from the overflowing indignation and frustration he was feeling, such as making all of these almost unfelt by him while he blocked both his senses and partially even his mind.
Nah, what gods? What devils? What society and what world? F*** it all. In the end, personal growth is the best reason for me to go forward. And I will damn go forward. Y’all can drop dead, your world can just explode, while your gods and devils are free to go and burn in Hell. What I want is just self-development in body, mind, and spirit. Everything else can just disappear for all I care.
A shadow of himself being overwhelmed by Rosabhi appeared before him, but Shen didn’t even stop to look as he simply rushed through it and continued forward.
[What are you even fighting for? This cursed world…?]
Another shadow from his past appeared and Shen bashed it with one fist, turning it into black smoke.
I ain’t fighting for nothing but myself! You stay down!
With even more speed he rushed forward as no fire, no dark spirit, no sharp stone, and no incandescent rocks could stop his advancement. Many more shadows of Rosabhi and even of himself tried to show him scenes of the past when he lost himself, but Shen simply rushed through, nothing being able to stop him. At one point even a familiar feminine shadow appeared before him, similar to the one that faded before, reached out her hand to help him climb. However, this time Shen went past the shadow, without taking her hand, and continued forward no matter what or who appeared before him, either to push him down or to help him up.
I need no help and no one will make me fall again. I’m no longer the same. As I said before, Johan Hanover has died, and here remains only Shen Omisus, nothing less, only more.
With fierce fire burning in his eyes, Shen reached the top of the wall and got up while his entire body was filled with bloody cuts and burnt marks. Even his nose and eyes were bleeding from the damages caused by Rosabhi’s shadows to his brain. Even so, Shen seemed unperturbed as if he didn’t even felt the wounds. However, his eyes were now staring in shock at the greatest shadow of himself he ever saw till now at a distance of a good few kilometers, sitting between 3 mountains not taller than it. It was so huge, even mountains seemed to be just little hills in comparison. However, what was truly baffling was how thick and rusty chains held the humongous shadow down while in his lap, Rosabhi was sitting comfortably with dimensions as compared to a tree. Even so, that was basically as huge as the shadow’s nail from his thumb. As if hearing Shen’s words, the colossal shadow turned his head with deafening clanging sounds from the chains, his eyes staring at Shen like at a fool,
[“Nothing less, only more…”? So to understand, I am of no value to the actual you then?]
The shadow’s calm voice resounded like thunder, making even for the word itself to shake and tremor.
W-what is this…?
Unable to even move because of the pressure, Shen looked completely stunned at the colossal shadow that resembled him. With some surprise in his voice, Kaveh then explained with a mocking voice.
[What else can it be, if not all the essences added together that you sealed in your heart together with the devil? Or how you call them: “Personal Spirits”?]
