Gin woke up in a cold sweat. He gasped for air. The feeling of water entering his lungs ran rampant until his chest came undone, letting him breathe that delicious, open air once more. Only then did he realise the streams of light that penetrated the caravan.
‘Midday already?’ he murmured to himself. ‘Stupid dream. Why is it always the same?’
He rubbed his eyes then began stretching. His joints felt stiff and cracked at every opportunity. The lack of sleep contributed to that problem but, judging by how Syndra snored beside him unaware of how long she slept for, he put the majority of the blame on their training. For some reason, she wanted to up the intensity, taking night shifts on her own accord just to get more practice in. Though that meant Gin had to tag along to spar with her. Not that he minded, however. In fact, he enjoyed the teacher role he adopted, even if Syndra’s actions can be confusing at times.
‘Woah, that is a first.’
Mind in a daze, Gin looked up to find a black figure with rough skin that he knew oh so well. But it still took a few seconds to process what that meant.
‘Brim!’ Gin exclaimed, exchanging a smile. ‘When did you come back?’
Brim raised an eyebrow. ‘Come back? You came to us.’
‘Oh, right. Sorry, I only just woke up and am not thinking properly,’ Gin forced a convincing yawn. He then slapped his cheeks to get rid of the remaining drowsiness. Has time really gone that fast? he wondered.
‘I see,’ Brim looked unconvinced but accepted the response because of more pressing topics. ‘Anyway, I can’t believe what I’m seeing. Syndra asleep this late? Haven’t seen that happen before.’
‘She took the night shift yesterday,’ Gin explained, deciding to omit the training.
Brim’s eyes narrowed, checked the woman who didn’t notice his arrival nor wake up after hearing his voice, then smirked when he realised something. Though Gin didn’t know what.
‘She does and has done that a lot back in our old squadron. However, she always manages to wake up before noon, ready to dish out orders or to gather intel. So, it’s surprising she’s in deep sleep let alone just dozing off.’
‘I see,’ Gin nodded, pretending to know where Brim took the talk.
‘She also looks quite toned, don’t you think? More so than when I last saw her.’
Gin glanced at the woman, seeing some developed muscle on her uncovered arms now that Brim mentioned it. Not only that, her legs looked less plump and more chiselled than before. Not to mention the armour that stuck out from under her shirt. I can’t avoid the truth, huh? Gin conceded. Why is she still wearing that chest plate anyway?
‘I honestly don’t understand h-’ Gin stopped in his tracks, waited to see if Syndra reacted, then lowered his voice as a precaution. ‘She asked me to train her for some reason. I mean, I accepted and started training her regardless. But why is she doing it? She’s pushing herself to keep up with it even when she is quite weak physically. Like, she really doesn’t have an aptitude for fighting. No wonder you guys have your ranking system and breed people for specific roles.’
‘I actually came to talk about something else but it seems that battle really has gotten to more people than I thought,’ Brim sighed. He climbed further into the caravan, sitting right beside Gin now.
‘What are you talking about?’
‘The moment I entered the tent, she was terrified. Took a while to get her standing from her collapsed position! She’s not the only one to suffer from such shock from battle.’
‘Is it her tinoo? Because it died?’ Gin shook his head.
Syndra stirred. She groaned and appeared to mutter something that no one could make sense of. Or maybe she made a sound no one could hear in the first place. Maybe she’s calling out to her tinoo, Gin empathised.
‘Look, I’ll tell you another time…in private,’ Brim shuffled closer and lowered his voice too. ‘For now, just know that she’s going through loss and regret.’
‘That’s ok. It’s great seeing you again even if it has been only a couple of weeks,’ Gin chuckled.
‘Good morning, Gin. And,’ Syndra noticed his companion and got up as professional as possible, ‘welcome back, Mr Stones.’
She made a mistake, Gin thought when Brim raised an eyebrow at her words. ‘Good afternoon,’ he corrected.
‘Ah, I’m terribly sorry,’ Syndra bowed in apology. ‘I had a very long night after all and just happened to lose track of time.’
‘Seems like everybody is taking that shift nowadays,’ Brim grinned. ‘But it’s a good thing you woke up. Whole reason I came by was to report to you since you’re still the leader of the utility group.’
She sounds surprisingly clumsy today, Gin thought, attributing that to tiredness. Then again, her being tired was an uncommon occurrence in the first place. ‘I should get some work done today. I’ve rested far too long. Unless you guys need me.’
‘Nope, that’s alright,’ Brim rejected the offer.
Syndra, on the other hand, opened her mouth as if to say something but closed it again. Eh? Is she trying to get me to stay? Gin wondered the meaning behind the peculiar action as he climbed out of the caravan. No, that can’t be it. I really can’t think straight lately.
‘I’m even starting to see more Astrals,’ he thought out loud which prompted him to feel his head.
But when he found out he kept a cool temperature, he realised that the fish-like beings he saw weren’t a figment of his imagination. On the contrary, they interacted with the rest of the squadron, collecting supplies, chatting with them and just plain existing. They came in all shapes and sizes too; some similar to Astral in physique; some looked even more like a fish while others more human (or rather manush-like since everyone was technically a human).
Gin also saw a tall, bulky (even for a mage) man covered with spikes that protruded out of slits on his shirtless back. The man looked so intimidating that others dared not come close to him, either out of fear or awe or at least that’s how Gin perceived it.
‘Wow. So many new mages. They must be from squadron O. Can’t wait to meet them all!’ he exclaimed to no one in particular, gaining the attention of some nearby mages. ‘Heh. Haven’t been this excited in a while.’
As he got closer, a gust of wind brought about the distinct smell of the ocean. Gin remembered the salty nature all too well. Almost too well as the dream that plagued him the past couple of weeks flashed before his eyes. It made him want to hurl up the lump that formed in his throat and untie the knot that constricted his lungs. I need to take my mind off things.
‘Hey!’ he turned to the nearest unoccupied person. ‘Can I ask you something?’
The mage stood still. His back was turned. He must have heard Gin – it was impossible not to at that distance – but he didn’t move from his position. Only then did Gin realise who he called out to from the braided hair, dark skin and overall physique.
‘Jake, is everything ok?’ he tried again.
‘Ah, yeah,’ Jake replied, turning around in robotic movements.
Gin smiled. ‘That’s squadron O, right? With all the new faces.’
‘Yeah,’ Jake looked puzzled, took a few seconds to assess Gin, then walked closer to him. ‘Do you need me to do anything?’
‘Oh, no, not at all. Can’t a man ask a question without having a hidden agenda?’
‘Right…’ Jake looked more confused.
‘Anyway, why didn’t anyone call me earlier? Surely, I should be meeting with the squadron O members,’ Gin questioned, stepping closer to Jake, much to the fire elemental’s discomfort.
‘About that. I believe your medic said you were taking too many shifts and you needed rest. She wasn’t taking no for an answer and Maria was perfectly happy with that decision too. Not that the other leaders were complaining too much anyway.’
‘Of course, Joan would convince everyone to do that,’ Gin rolled his eyes.
‘She insisted that none of us disturbed you while the other leaders did their duty,’ Jake shuffled a little backwards, expecting some sort of reaction from Gin. His voice lowered, almost mumbling, ‘I was asked to do that in your and Syndra’s stead.’
‘Well, that makes sense. You were a leader not too long ago, so you probably are better qualified than most of squadron W,’ Gin smiled for no reason. ‘Heh. Though, with so many new faces, I was wondering if we can trust them all. They’re not up to something, right? Don’t want a repeat of what happened in the forest after all.’
‘Huh?’
Gin noticed a wince from the fire elemental. He realised his mistake.
‘How can you be like this?’ Jake gritted his teeth.
‘Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,’ Gin apologised without a thought. ‘I don’t blame you for what happened. I should have been more alert myself to Rob’s betrayal – all the signs were there after all – and I should have been stronger to deal with that stealth bestial that attacked me as well. I could have warned everyone if I won that fight. The blame ought to be on me.’
‘No, I meant how can you be speaking with me so nonchalantly? I thought you hated me,’ Jake corrected, looking a little distressed. ‘But you’re still bringing up topics that would make normal people angry at me for what I’ve done.’
‘Ah,’ the truth sank in. Granted, what Jake did was beyond stupid and most would cut him off like a piece of string. However, Gin saw things in a different light. He didn’t particularly like him but he had no reason to dislike him either. Especially, despite all that happened, Jake still talked with him and appeared to show some remorse. He can’t be all bad, right? The fact it wasn’t the first time that day Gin made a mistake troubled him more anyway. So, with a reassuring smile, he responded, ‘You did it for the squadron’s sake though, no? There’s some good in you then. I can’t hold it against you and I don’t really think every single person in squadron W is either. Though I admit what you did was just plain imbecilic.’
‘Urk,’ Jake flinched at that last statement.
‘Like I said, I blame my inadequacies and inexperience more than I blame you. It’s why I started taking training more seriously and probably why I somehow took Syndra under my wing. I need to get stronger.’
‘You sound different,’ Jake murmured. ‘Less aimless.’
‘Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.’
‘Tell me. Do you know what Brim thinks of me?’ Jake ignored Gin’s comment.
‘Huh?’ Gin got confused by the suddenness of the question. Though he took a few seconds to gather his thoughts. ‘He doesn’t hate you either. Maybe disappointed at worst, I think? I don’t know your history with him, so I am not the best person to answer this.’
Jake fidgeted a little, took a deep breath then asked, ‘Do you think he’ll be open to training me too?’
‘I don’t see why not. Apologise, tell him how you feel like you told me and he’ll accept. Maybe even be happy with your sudden humbleness,’ Gin couldn’t help but make the snide remark.
‘Ok, I’ll go do that then,’ the fire elemental agreed as he started jogging towards the caravans. But he stopped after a few metres. ‘Um, thanks.’
‘No problem,’ Gin replied, watching the man resume his jog. ‘Now, where was I?’
The uneasiness returned in an instant. He remembered the whole reason for disturbing Jake in the first place. He couldn’t get rid of it. He didn’t know how. Every time he looked at the sand, they became shinier, similar to the ones found outside his village. Every time he breathed, he could smell the salt of the ocean. Every time he took a step, he braced for the sudden clank of metal that would lead to his home. The only thing missing was the nearby trees now that the squadron had well and truly left the forest.
All of a sudden, the hairs on Gin’s back stood up. He sensed the presence of the man he has learnt both to cherish and detest at the same time. The one who would annoy him to no ends but bring parental advice when he least expects it.
‘Giiigiii,’ the call of Wo made him shudder but he felt relieved by the new distraction.
‘Hey, Wo. How are –’
Wo hurled himself forwards. He grabbed Gin by the neck and putting him into a stranglehold. Without hesitation, the latter clutched the former’s arms. Bit by bit, he pulled Wo’s arms off until he almost broke free. However, he lost his grip at the last moment, gagging as the arms sprang back and elbowed him.
‘Your bacteria’s helping you, isn’t it?’ Gin wheezed the sentence out as his face became redder.
‘You’ve gotten stronger physically than me. I have to do it nowadays. My. Dear. Gigi,’ Wo mocked as he let go.
‘Is that so?’ Gin retorted, clutching his neck but also his chest. For some reason, it constricted more than usual.
‘It’s only been a couple of months since I last saw you but that’s too long!’ Wo burst into laughter and patted Gin on the back several times.
‘Heh.’
‘Oi. Did you get hurt in the battle?’ Wo noticed something.
‘Yes,’ Gin responded without hesitation. He had no reason to hide it.
‘Are they critical injuries?’ Wo’s face turned serious.
‘No?’
‘Any internal damage?’ the pace picked up.
‘No.’
‘Poison?’
‘Doubt it.’
‘You’re sick.’
‘I’m not.’
‘Mentally,’ Wo gave a slow clarification, breaking the fast nature of the conversation. ‘I’ve known you long enough. You seemed too artificially cheerful for my usual shenanigans. Not to mention the bags under your eyes. Your nanobots can deal with physical exhaustion but sleep deprivation? Don’t lie to me.’
‘I’m -’ Gin stopped. His chest pains grew.
‘Something happened, didn’t it?’
Gin stood there silent. His thoughts swirled around in a cascade. On the one hand, he hadn’t told anyone about his visions (not even Joan) nor did he want to involve someone else in his troubles. On the other, he knew he should do at some point before it all boiled over into a massive mess. And what better person than the man I’ve known for decades? he convinced himself in the end.
‘I’ve been having dreams,’ he started.
‘Oh, hang on,’ Wo knew what was going on, grabbed Gin’s shoulder and started taking them somewhere less crowded. ‘You started remembering again, huh? How much do you know? I thought you conditioned yourself to not even think about it.’
‘That’s what I thought!’ Gin clutched his head. ‘I guess they started after I was attacked in the forest but survived –’
‘I heard about that and what happened in the battle.’
‘The first time I had the dream, I saw my father. It was more memory rather than a dream now that I think about it. I was in his lab and he just finished the nanobot operation to help stop my heart failing because of my growth rate. And I was crying. Then he reassured me. It felt too real.’
‘And now?’ Wo’s words calmed him for some reason. Maybe it was because he sounded reassuring instead of mocking for once.
‘It’s the same thing every time. I’m so sick of it. Every time I’m stuck just outside the entrance to our village. Then my mother pops up, then chucks me the sword INS and asks me to kill her…’
‘That’s just your imagination. She’s already –’
‘Dead! I know,’ Gin interrupted but remained calm in his speech. ‘I killed her with my own hands after all. I just don’t want to do that again.’
Wo began laughing. It infuriated Gin but, when he looked up, he saw streaks down the man’s pale skin. That laugh wasn’t out of mockery but out of relief.
‘Wo…’
‘I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be laughing,’ Wo calmed himself down. ‘But I’m just really happy that you’re actually talking about it for once. With me! I knew bringing you to squadron W was a good thing. You were so hollow and bland; I couldn’t bear seeing you like this. I couldn’t risk bringing it up either even if all the signs were there that I could.’
Without warning, Wo lunged at him. Gin braced for another neck hold but found himself in another type of embrace.
‘I,’ Gin felt a rush of blood in his cheeks. His chest tightened further too. He spoke out of instinct. But now that he became conscious of his words, they failed to form the same way again. ‘I’m sorry. I’m still not ready to talk about the past.’
‘That’s ok!’ Wo let go. ‘Tell me what happens next in the dream instead.’
‘Nothing,’ Gin continued. ‘She would be disappointed when I wouldn’t do as I was told, say it’s alright then goes back.’
‘And you don’t follow her?’ Wo raised an eyebrow.
‘No. I stay behind. Then the ocean fills the land and I begin drowning. The next thing I know, I’m awake and I feel like my lungs full of water. This has been happening constantly. The same dream over and over.’
‘That explains the lack of sleep. But you sound fully aware of your actions though.’
‘I am in full control of what I say and what I do,’ Gin nodded. ‘The rest I have no idea what’s going to happen.’
Wo placed his fingers on his chin and pondered for a moment. ‘Tell you what, try following Liz next time.’
‘Eh?’
‘I get the feeling you’re getting those dreams for a reason. I want to know what happens next too. In return, I’ll introduce you to the others. Knowing you, I’m sure you’re itching to know how those aquatic bestials operate, right?’
‘That’s true,’ Gin considered the proposal. In all honesty, the idea of going down the entrance scared him. And he could always find out how the aquatic bestials worked through Astral anyway, so the offer didn’t have any value. But when he felt a weight being lifted off his chest, Gin understood he had to do it. ‘Alright. Sure, on one condition. Please don’t tell Joan any of this. Or anyone for that matter.’
‘Haha! That’s the spirit,’ Wo grabbed hold of Gin’s neck for real now and pulled him across the desert. ‘Don’t worry, I won’t. Anyway, Who shall we meet first?’
‘Anybody would do,’ Gin replied.
He didn’t know what lay in store for him. He didn’t even tell Wo that his condition had gotten to the point where some days feel really long and drawn out and others go in the blink of an eye without reason. Was the truth worth it?
However, a sense of determination coursed through his body. He wanted to get to the bottom of things. Gin had a purpose. He wanted to help his battalion members and being the “empty shell” he once was as Wo put it or avoiding the problem helped no one, especially himself. So, there was only one thing he could do.
I have to go down that entrance.
