Fickle Destiny
The rest of the bath is uninteresting, though there was a bit where Gee fought me to let her wash my back- she won. I have to say though; it felt wonderful. Yet at the end of my night, I lay awake.
I could hear Gee’s soft breathing near my ear, because of course she was clinging on me. Yet my mind couldn’t think of her. All that I could think of was Rei. I’ll be the first to admit that I didn’t think of her nearly as often as the others, yet she still meant a lot to me. I know that’s weird to think, we barely ever saw one another. And when we did, it was usually one-sided riddles from her.
Yet still burned into my memory is how sincere she was that day when she told me she would support me forever. Though I guess forever turned out to be a short amount of time. But it doesn’t change the fact that she cared about me enough to say that; and the way she looked in her dresses the first few times we met… man, talk about beautiful.
Pff, what the hell am I thinking about? Yeah, she was gorgeous, ok? So what? Her beauty pales in comparison to that kiss we shared. It’s almost like I was never the same after that. I suppose that was when, deep in the recesses of my mind, I had started to come to terms with the fact that… maybe even I could have a small crush on another woman. But I suppose not. Today proves that if nothing else.
But I suppose that’s a good thing in the end. God knows there are very, very few people left in this world that are both women and would be interested in being with another woman.
I mean, not that I was planning on maybe doing that or anything. After all, I will live my life with Him. Yeah, so I didn’t have time to go see him today, because of the weirdness in the library. But tomorrow is the day. On this, I swear.
Gee shifts her weight beside me, and opens one eye to admire me.
“Hey sleepy head.”
“Why aren’t you asleep yet?” She asks me.
“I just have a lot to think about, you know?”
“Like what?” She asks through a cute yawn.
Well, I wasn’t expecting this. I’m not talking to her about Rei. Not only would that be embarrassing, but I have a feeling she’d get mad at me. Yet with us so close like this, I had no chance to avoid her elbow as it dug into my ribs.
“Rude. Pay me attention.”
“I-I was just thinking about something I read about today.”
“Uh huh. And what did you ‘read’ about today hmmm? Some busty blonde? Pervert.”
“Ok. No, I read about, ‘Gehenna.'”
Gee goes rigid next to me. Now, that’s curious.
“You ok Gee?”
She burrows herself closer to me.
“Of course, I’m going back to sleep. I suggest you do the same. You have school in the morning.”
With that, she places a kiss on my cheek then nuzzles her head into the crook of my neck. Within moments her steady breathing indicates she’s fallen back to sleep. Lucky her. My wandering mind isn’t going to let me rest well tonight.
The morning comes without sleep, so I slide away from Gee’s clutches and make my way to the dojo. Grandpa is there when I arrive.
“‘Morning,” he tells me through strained breaths. As evident by his sweat, he’s been at this for a long while it seems.
“You’re at it earlier than ever.”
He stops for a moment and gives me a nod. “Just things on my mind.”
I don’t like where this is going, but fine. “Like what?” As suspected, he gives me a dubious look.
He seems to show considerably more hesitation than I am used to seeing from him.
“Are you leaving me again, soon?” His question is as accusatory as it is pleading.
“I don’t know where you got that idea Grandpa but no. I’m not going anywhere.”
His eyes seem to sparkle at this, his face still carrying a small twinkle of youth.
“Come, sit with me Eve,” he gestures to one mat, as he kneels down on another.
I feel strangely nervous about whatever he’s going to talk to me about. I don’t want that. I just want to finish getting ready, get this school crap over with, and go find Him. But I’m not so lucky as my Grandpa’s voice beckons me, severing my line of thought.
“I miss your parents dearly, you know that, right?”
“Of course. How could you not? I miss them too. I never really got to know them, after all.”
He gives a silent nod at this and then hardens his face before continuing. “Eve. Did you ever figure out that… you weren’t their real child?”
I feel a jolt run through me at this revelation, making me light-headed. “I… see…” is all I manage to squeeze out
“You’re saying you willing took the time to raise a stranger then?” His face contorts into real anger, a rare expression on him.
“You are no stranger Eve! You may not be of blood but you are family. You are as much my child as your father was. I will not hear such dishonorable talk.”
His words are sharp and cut through me. Yet my heart isn’t beating fast. Truthfully, I’m not as surprised as I should be. Maybe learning this isn’t really all that bad to find out. Grandpa is right about loving me like his own child. He has given me everything in life. But even so, I have to wonder.
“So they adopted me?”
“You were-” he cuts himself off and rubs his hand over his bald head in an apparent effort to gather his thoughts. “You were found one day. Soon after your father and mother married, they told me that a baby, that is to say, you, happened to be just laying on their bed when they returned home.”
“Um. That’s impossible, Grandpa, and doesn’t make a lot of sense.”
“You’re preaching to the choir, child. Perhaps there’s more to it. Perhaps there’s not. But that’s not the point.”
“Then what is the point you’re trying to make?”
“What I’ve always known. That you weren’t just some girl. So when you disappeared, of course I was worried. But a part of me realized you were doing what you had to do.”
“I…” I don’t know what to say. He acts as if it was obvious that this horrible life would work out this way.
“I have a message for you Eve.” He tells me, his voice strained. “Decades ago, before your father was born, I was just a simple kid enrolled at the higher-education facilities. One day, a girl I did not recognize approached me in the park, on my way home.”
I suck in my breath in expectation. Of what? I don’t know. But I can tell, were my world ever on track to normality, this was going to break it. “And you… didn’t know this woman?”
He shakes his head, his thick arms tensing. “Time isn’t kind to any of us, and the details of the woman are gone from me. Yet her message that day, as nonsense as it was, has spent a lifetime bouncing around my head, in perfect detail.”
I try to swallow down my rising anxiety, yet my throat remains closed. My breathing is labored, and sweat starts to coat my body.
“W-why would someone from so long ago have a message for me? How is that even possible? Are you sure you’re not misremembering who it was for?” I try to plead with him.
Another shake of his head, “I don’t know who it was for. But the girl, with her yellow hair, told me there would be a day in my life, where I could decide the fate of millions. The only thing I had to do, was relay a simple message to the “Girl of Embers.”
His voice falls near the end. Tears sting at his eyes, yet he holds them in with all of his strength. I can’t blame him though, my tears reign free because I realize, this is it. No matter how far I run, I can’t escape what fate wants from me. But if there was any chance of me ignoring what he was going to say, that small description has ruined all chances. Yellow hair… I don’t know how, but if anyone could do such an impossibility, it’s… her…
My head dips low, “And what was her message?”
Fear trickles out of me, my body visibly shakes and my teeth chatter. The pain in my chest is nothing compared to how heavy I feel when I hear a small sob escape my Grandpa.
“That’s the thing isn’t it? This is my choice. I don’t even understand the weight of the words I carry, but its message is clear enough. I either do what I can to help millions, at the cost of my families’ peace, or I let them all burn, but keep you close.”
He sobs without restraint at last. I’ve never seen him look so withered before, so beaten. I jump up from where I stand, and throw myself around him. Our despair is at its penultimate state, as our hearts break in unison; because we both know what has to be done. With my arms around the last bastion of peace I have in my life, I ask the most damnable of questions again.
“What was the message?”
He kisses the top of my head and whispers into me.
“The one you’re searching for, is where it all began.”
And just like that, my whole body goes rigid and runs hot. The tension is threatening to rip my muscles in two.
“I… have to go.”
He wraps his arms around me tighter. “I love you Eve, my little Ember. I will always love you, no matter what is thrown at you, or the choices you have to make. You are as much of my life as anyone can be. I love you so, so much.” He ends his statement with another kiss to my forehead. I give him one last squeeze, before standing up.
“I love you too Grandpa. But, I probably won’t see you again. So just… believe in me, please.”
I’m out the door before I can let the despair and guilt stop me. The wind is warm, but all I can feel is a chill. Before I’m able to turn off the side road, onto the main one, I see Gee leaning up against a pole. When she sees me, she raises a hand for a wave.
“I don’t have time Gee. I have to hurry.” I try to move past her, but she grabs my arm.
“Don’t go.” She demands, her tone taking on something I can’t quite recognize.
“I have to.” I try to shake her loose.
“No. You don’t. You’re happy here, or you could be. And I’m here. We could be together forever.”
I almost give in to her logic. But a part of me just won’t allow it. So Gee gives one last appeal to me.
“You can’t imagine what awaits you if you return. But if you stay here, everything, everything will be fine.”
Her pleading form tugs at my emotions, but that doesn’t stop me from gently removing her hand.
“I’m sorry Gee. I don’t know what’s going to happen. But it can’t get any worse than it has been.”
“If you only knew,” she whispers then fades into my shadow, leaving behind those ominous words.
Great, more things I just don’t understand. So many things are going on around me, yet I seem to be the only one left out of the loop. But that is ending, now. I am done sitting around and hoping for the best. I’m done following the rules of others. I’m ready to admit to myself my own desires. I want to be back with those women as much as I want to be here with my family. Their well-being tips the scales.
I turn around and run towards a cruel fate. I can only hope. For what? I do not know. But hope will be what holds me up, I feel it.
