The car stopped on a large farm. As it turned out later, his distant relative was the director of a stud farm, which was located nearby. From that moment on, Kai practically lived in the stable. He “got sick” with horses. Once he went inside and inhaled the smell of manure, fresh hay, and warmth from horses, he “became infected” with them for life. He did everything in the stable: cleaned up manure, took out dirty sawdust, handed out hay, cleaned old disheveled horse equipment, looked after the horses.
A relative, seeing his desire to work, did not interfere with this. He was warned that this was a difficult teenager, but he saw a teenager in front of him who worked tirelessly from dawn to dusk. And when Kai asked for permission to ride on horseback, he was allowed for his labors, without even becoming to find out whether he could ride or not.
Kai did not know how, but he saw how others were riding, and carefully watched them, their actions on horseback. He had already learned how to saddle and unsaddle horses, giving them to the workers for the ride and taking them afterward.
Therefore, now, having saddled the horse that he liked the most, he led out into the yard and deftly jumped into the saddle. The horse he had chosen was not yet broken, it had only been accustomed to the saddle, no one had ever sat on it. Seeing Kai riding an unbroken horse, people ran to him from all sides, but it was too late to warn him. Now everyone was watching what was happening, or rather, waiting for the boy to fall off his horse.
The horse, feeling for the first time the weight of the rider on its back, first froze in surprise, and then began to apply all the means at its disposal to get rid of Kai. The horse spun in place, backed up, stood on its hind legs times, and even walked forward in such a way, apparently waiting for the rider to “unfasten” from it. But the rider remained in the saddle. Then the horse began to rush about the yard, suddenly throwing itself in one direction or the other, then he stopped and kicked with its hind legs – again the same result, the rider was on it.
Kai not only watched the riders but also listened carefully to conversations about what to do if a horse tries to throw off a man. He realized: he needed to force the horse to run forward, then it would not have the opportunity to throw him out of the saddle like that, and gradually, having spent part of the accumulated energy, it would become calmer.
Keeping all this in mind, Kai squeezed his legs and began to actively hit the rear of his sneakers on the side of the horse. And the horse heard him – rushed forward. In front of them, there was a pole blocking the exit from the stable into the field. The horse easily jumped over it. And they dashed off into the distance.
All who watched this were standing in amazement. The boy did not fall, although the struggle was serious. He stayed on the horse!
“He will fall down there,” said the watchman, spitting angrily to the side.
The pale and frightened director of the plant, who came running to the noise, thought with horror that he would now tell his parents.
Kai “flew” over the steppe – there was speed, wind in the face, and the feeling of freedom. He was not afraid. He slipped the end of the rein under his knee so that he would not slip into the legs of the galloping horse, and spread his arms to the sides. Now it was the full feeling of flight! He remembered this for the rest of his life – a horse galloping under him and a space of air flying towards him with the aromas of herbs and flowers.
They returned at a walk. The horse was young and, injecting all the adrenaline, was tired. Kai sensed it and didn’t make it move faster. Now they had a complete understanding – he was walking on it, practically giving up the reins, and watched the scenery passing by from the back of the horse. Oh, how wonderful it was. Indeed, the Arab proverb is right that heaven on earth can be found on the back of a horse.
Their appearance was noticed from afar; everyone again ran into the yard. The teenager calmly on horseback went inside the yard and dismounted.
“Well done!” finally, the chief brigadier in charge of driving the horses could not stand it and, enthusiastically rushing to him, shouted, “Mikhalych, can we take him as our assistants? We thought there would be a fuss with this horse for a month, a very characteristic horse. Look, the guy made an agreement with it in two hours.”
Mikhalych – this was exactly the director of the plant, he made a stern face:
“What if the boy is killed or injured? I have to answer in front of his family!”
“Please, let me help with the horses!” almost shouted Kai, not even expecting to be offered this.
The radiant eyes of a teenager, glowing with green sparks, looked at Mikhalych. Well, he had never seen such eyes. Mikhalych muttered something else just for show, but then said to obey the senior brigadier and not show any personal initiative!
From that moment on, Kai’s life became like a fairy tale. He was happy! He was infinitely happy here. There was nothing here to remind him of his life in Moscow. Here he lived and did what he liked. Here he was free.
Everything was saturated with freedom: this air, this endless distance, the steppes dissolving in the haze of the horizon, and the horses, they were free and gave him this freedom.
His physical fitness and the fact that from early childhood he trained so actively, helped him to master the art of riding. Although he had to fall, his body drew the knees up to the chest, and he quickly got to his feet, receiving only minor bruises and injuries.
Horses feel the rider, and they felt that this rider was not afraid. They felt his inner strength and obeyed him. Not immediately, because they were free, but, falling under his iron will, they obeyed. Only free creatures can make a choice and serve someone who has the same inner strength and the same desire for freedom as they do.
So his summer flew by. It was the happiest summer of his life. Kai had been there for two more summers in a row. But when the parents found out that their son was happy there, and most importantly, free, everything stopped. It was decided to send him for the summer to a teenage military camp for his education and training. So his summer of freedom and flight over the steppe turned into a “prison” and a barracks. But that was later …
***
Now, entering their apartment from the dank street, he felt warmth. The smell of an old communal apartment hit the nose, such a unique smell of old walls and people who lived here. Leaving his wet jacket on a hanger in the hallway, he headed to their main room.
Prokhor, upon Kai’s appearance, got up, as always went to meet him. They hugged.
“Sit down, we are discussing one thing here,” Prokhor waved in the direction of the chair, and then returned to the conversation interrupted by his appearance.
Not only Prokhor had changed and matured, but Kai had also changed. Now he was a short, skinny teenager with a shock of curly resinous hair that always fell over his forehead. His handsome, noble features were eye-catching. But the most amazing thing about him was his eyes – large, expressive, the color of a precious emerald, framed by long eyelashes. No, there was no feminine beauty in his features, it was the beauty of a teenager, although the softness and smoothness of his movements gave his appearance certain femininity. But this was only a deception for those who did not know him. His flexible, plastic movements were mistaken for weakness, and this was his strength. Possessing combat techniques, he moved like a panther, softly and silently. But when a fight broke out, his opponents flew in different directions. It seemed that he had no equal in this. He never lost a fight to anyone. There were already legends about him. Any stick in his hand turned into a formidable weapon. And now, like a cat, slipping flexibly into his chair, Kai drew admiring glances with the elegance of his movements. He didn’t do it on purpose, it was his nature. They looked at him with admiration and envy.
Having finished planning today’s night raid, the purpose of which was to knock out money from the debtor, everyone went about their business. There was still a lot of time before leaving, several guys went to the kitchen to cook some food. Now their “affairs” were more serious, and they had money in the “common fund” for normal food and alcohol.
Kai did not like these Prokhor’s cases, or rather, internally did not approve, but was always with him everywhere. After all, this was his friend.
Sitting on the sofa, he tried to relax, leaning back, and throw out of the head another lecture of his parents about his behavior.
“What? Did they again rinse the brains at home?” Prokhor could guess even without asking this question to his friend, seeing his face now. He sat down next to him.
“It’s okay,” Kai looked absently into the space in front of him.
Prokhor respected him for this. His friend never whined, never complained. And no matter if it was mental or physical, he always said: “Everything is fine.”
Prokhor turned to him and asked, looking intently into his eyes:
“Have you ever smoked?”
“No.”
Prokhor smoked for a long time, or rather, from the moment they met, he had already smoked. Kai did not smoke. He didn’t even know why, although now he had his own money, earned by him on common business, and he could afford to buy cigarettes. But such a thought did not occur to him.
Prokhor took out a cigarette, lit it, and brought it to Kai’s lips.
“Breathe air through it. Try it.”
Just as then, in the basement, when Prokhor handed him a glass of vodka, he did not hesitate to do what his friend said. He sucked in air, or rather, smoke. He coughed immediately, his eyes stung.
While he was clearing his throat, Prokhor was holding him by the shoulders, smoking a cigarette himself and waiting for Kai to return to normal.
“Let’s continue,” Prokhor again raised the cigarette to his lips. Kai took a cigarette and inhaled, but not so hard. It turned out better. There was no cough. He blew smoke out of himself.
“Did you like it?” asked Prokhor, removing his hand from the shoulder.
“Do not know yet.”
From that day on, he began to smoke and did not understand what, in fact, he should like and, in general, what was the meaning of this action – to draw in the smoke and then to exhale it.
Once, after a very strong scandal with his parents, he went into the garden. It was winter. Snowflakes were quietly falling from the starry sky. Kai tried to understand why snowflakes fell on his face from the clear starry sky. They melted on his cheeks, leaving traces as if from tears. But those weren’t tears, he didn’t cry anymore – he swore he wouldn’t cry anymore. His eyes were dry, only snowflakes rolled down his cheeks, leaving wet paths. Kai looked into the sky and asked the space of darkness above him just one question:
“Why don’t they love me?”
They again explained to him what they expected from their son, how he should live and that now he was living wrong – but they would achieve their goal, they would not allow their family to be dishonored. Everyone in their family is military – and their son must love it and live for this, in order to serve for the good of the Motherland!
When he said that for the good of the Motherland one could simply work or, for example, engage in science, he was shamed for another hour by his girlish manners, and not by the choice of a real man. But Kai, just starting to study chemistry, realized that this was the passion of his life. He did not love any science as much as chemistry. He did not even suspect that next to him there was a parallel world – the world of atoms, trace elements, and everything else that was just beginning to recognize. It captivated him headlong, and then he realized that he was interested in this life. He wanted to become a scientist. This was his dream.
Having told the people closest to him about his dream, he opened his soul to them and as a result got a thrashing. How painful it is when your family doesn’t understand you.
“His family” – all this became just an empty word, the essence of this word had long since disappeared.
Kai put his hands in his pockets. A hand found a pack of cigarettes. It was cold, his fingers were freezing and numb, but the physical cold was not so strong compared to the cold inside. He wanted to see the warmth – a small flame at the end of a cigarette. Striking a lighter, he lit a cigarette. Warm smoke filled his lungs. The light of a cigarette flickered against the background of the cold white snow. Above him, a huge sky with myriads of small cold stars stretched. But now he felt warm. The warmth from this light warmed him in this dead space that did not accept him.
And so their lives went on. Kai came to Prokhor when he could, and was with them until they locked him up at home again. Prokhor actively made his way in this life, uniting around him more and more young people who were ready to be with him.
***
When they had not moved from the basement, an incident occurred, after which Kai began to be treated with even greater respect. In the fall their gang climbed into the house closed by summer residents until spring. They had nothing to eat, and they knew that in such houses there were always cereals, canned food, and pickled products like cans of cucumbers and tomatoes. To get into such a house meant to spend half of the winter without starving. And they made such an action. Having broken the locks, they got inside. While swarming inside the house, they heard the sound of a car approaching. The car stopped right at the only entrance to the house – only from there they could get out. The windows in the house were tightly shuttered – it was a trap. The lights came on and an elderly man and woman entered. From their characteristic appearance, Kai immediately guessed they were Japanese. Apparently, they rented this house for living outside the city, not only for the summer but also for the fall. With the lights on, the guys saw a fireplace and a fairly well-furnished interior of the room.
Prokhor prepared for a fight. Kai understood: Prokhor would out Herod. The guys also froze in combat readiness, waiting for his command. The elderly couple froze in surprise, not expecting to see them here. And then he greeted the newcomers in Japanese, bowing politely in the traditional Japanese bow.
He was answered by a man, also in Japanese. A conversation ensued between them.
All stood still.
Then Kai turned to Prokhor and said that they could take whatever food they needed and leave. They could just walk away because the owner of the house did not mind sharing food with them since they needed it.
The guys silently collected their bags and left.
Kai said goodbye, again bowed politely, and went out with Prokhor.
Walking along the dark, cold streets to the basement, they began vying to ask him what language he spoke, how he knew the language, and what the man answered to him. Kai calmly replied that it was Japanese, that he was studying this language, and the elderly man was native Japanese, and it was not customary to refuse food to those in need there.
“And what other language do you know?” with a mockery asked the guy going nearby.
“Many different ones.”
Prokhor stopped and, turning Kai by the shoulders, said sternly:
“Why did you hide it from me?! I must know everything about my people, especially about you! And you hid it!” Prokhor shook him by the shoulders, and since he was taller, now Kai stood on tiptoe, so tightly Prokhor held him.
“Besides Japanese, I know English and French. Now I am studying German and I have also begun to study Arabic …” embarrassed, he said quietly. “Let me go, please, it hurts.”
Only now Prokhor realized that he was holding his friend in a stranglehold for his shoulders almost above the ground. He unclenched his hands.
Kai stepped back from him.
“And what did you think I had been doing when they locked me up at home? And also I can sing,” he angrily snapped to Prokhor for such an interrogation.
They walked in silence towards the basement. Prokhor caught up with Kai, who was walking, frowning, and was silent, and hugged him by the shoulders.
“Offended? Come on! No offense. So why didn’t you tell me that before?”
“I didn’t want to stand out – and without it, everyone thinks me different.”
“You always will be different, not like them. And they will always all envy you. Get used to it.”
“And you?” he stopped and looked into Prokhor’s eyes.
“You didn’t tell me that – were you afraid of offending me?” Kai averted his eyes. “Silly, I’m proud of you!”
They went to catch up with their comrades who had gone ahead.
“Well, now, share your secret, how did you manage to learn so many languages?” asked Prokhor as he walked.
“You know, a Japanese man lives with us, a friend of my father. I began to speak Japanese earlier than Russian,” Kai smiled, remembering his childhood. “Mom did not take care of my upbringing, they hired a French governess for me. She has ancestors from the White Guards who have fled from Russia during the revolution. She not only teaches French but also manners and etiquette. Do you know how strict she is? You take the wrong fork at the table – she beats on the fingers with a pointer,” he saw the surprise on Prokhor’s face. “And what about English – so my father constantly has guests, all foreigners, I’m already used to the fact that in our house they speak English more than Russian …”
“And German, Arabic?”
“My father has insisted on German; he says it will come in handy in my profession. And I like Arabic myself, and my parents are all for it, considering that knowledge of the Muslim language will also be useful to me.”
Prokhor did not ask his friend about anything anymore, he was proud of him and was glad that his friend was so extraordinary and talented.
In the evening, after a sumptuous dinner, Prokhor solemnly announced to everyone that Kai would now sing. Kai glared at him.
“Why are you staring at me?! You’ve said yourself that you also sing. I am already acquainted with you so much and have never heard you singing, and also the boys,” Prokhor said all this calmly, seeing how his friend “boils”. “Lads, where is the guitar?”
The guys perked up when they heard this.
They brought a guitar, shoved into Kai’s hands. All the guys sat in a semicircle around him, waiting for the concert. It was stupid to behave with false modesty. He, quickly going over the songs in his mind, stopped at this one and began to sing:
My fleet is of two ships, it is true.
How can I sail to your pier
Along fast rivers of wanderings?
We are lost in space. *
While he was singing, Prokhor cast glances at him, thinking that he did not know that his friend had such a voice.
“How cool he is! It’s good that we are friends. I’m proud of you!”.
The chords died down, the guys began to rustle, they began to demand more to sing. But Kai flatly refused, saying another time.
Now they got off his back, but then he sang for them at each of their gatherings, so his singing and voice fascinated and attracted. The boys each time waited for his concert, listened to his singing, and delighted in their souls. After all, despite all the unsightly truth of their life that they led, their souls were young and pure, they had not yet become completely cold-hearted.
***
Prokhor, as an older brother, on the one hand, guarded and protected Kai from the cruelties of this world, on the other hand, brought him into this world, realizing that his friend would face it anyway. So let him know better from his friend and under his control. So gradually Prokhor taught Kai to drink various alcoholic beverages. He helped him to taste and understand their action and determine his measure for himself. Once he allowed Kai to get drunk almost to the point of losing his pulse, and the next day he walked gloatingly and mocked him, seeing him, half-dead, with a terrible headache, lying on the bed.
Kai drew conclusions from such experiments and discoveries. He learned the consequences of excessive libation, which he did not like, and he did not like to lose control of himself. Therefore, if he drank, then little and controlled what to drink and how much.
He started smoking after that incident in the winter when a warm light warmed his soul on a cold winter night. But he also rarely smoked, only when he wanted to feel again this warmth of the burning light at the end of the cigarette.
Now, having matured, he spent more time in their apartment. Somehow, after another successful case, the guys invited “girls” to celebrate their success. Kai was present at such parties, but he was still considered small, therefore, what the boys did with the girls, going to the next rooms, he only guessed from the scattered information that he learned for himself on this question that was beginning to worry him. He could emphasize all the information only from the books in the library where he spent time. From the artworks read by him, he understood only what happens unsaid by the authors of these works between a man and a woman, when the doors are closed behind them and they are left alone. Having tried to find the answer in the scientific and medical literature, he learned about the physiology of this process and the difference between the opposite sex. This was the end of his knowledge.
The party was in full swing. Prokhor returned happy from the room where he was leaving with a girl much older than him. With a sly smile on his face, he sat down next to Kai on the sofa. This was the third time that Kai had seen this smile on Prokhor’s face. The first, when he gave him a glass of vodka for the first time to drink, the second, when he brought a cigarette to his lips for the first puff in his life, and now his friend had the same smile on his lips. Moreover, everyone around was also whispering conspiratorially and exchanging glances.
Feeling a conspiracy against himself, he jerked to get up from the sofa, but Prokhor’s strong hand on his shoulder held him in place.
Prokhor laughed.
“Relax! Why have you tensed?”
“And what do you all have such faces?” Kai tried to get up again, but could not.
“Well, here with the boys we have consulted and decided. You seem to be cooler than all of us in a fight, but you are not a man yet. You haven’t slept with a girl, have you?” asked Prokhor and laughed. “Well, I do know, you haven’t slept!”
Everyone laughed.
Kai frowned and tried to get off the sofa again.
“Come on, we do not want to offend. Everyone has had their first time. Today you will have this for the first time.”
Kai looked at Prokhor distrustfully.
“Guys! Pour a glass of cognac for the courage to a soldier!” ignoring Kai looking at him, shouted Prokhor.
They brought cognac.
“Drink!” commanded Prokhor.
Kai drank.
“Now let’s go.”
Prokhor got up and, not letting go of his friend’s shoulders, led him to the door, from which he had recently left.
“Otherwise, Marusya has already been tired to wait for you,” with these words Prokhor pushed him into the room and closed the door behind him.
There were curtains in the room, and a floor lamp in the corner was burning. A half-naked girl was sitting on a crumpled bed and smiled as she saw him stiffened as if nailed to the floor.
The girl, still smiling, pulled the shirt off her shoulders, and Kai saw her big full breasts. Then she got up, the shirt slipped down, and, without lingering on her hips, fell at her feet. What he saw in the picture in the medical anatomy handbook now stood before him live. But unlike the book, it looked many times better.
The girl approached. Her face was smeared with makeup, strips of mascara remained on her cheeks, lipstick-stained part of her chin.
She took Kai’s hand and pulled him to the bed.
“Well, hero, I’ll do everything myself now,” said Marusya, pushing him onto the bed and stretching her hands to the belt of his jeans, “I like you for a long time. You are so handsome! Sweetie!”
Kai felt her hands under his jeans, threw back his head, and the ceiling began to disappear in his mind. The incredible sensation covered him completely and then twisted his body in a sweet spasm.
Catching his breath and recovering a little, he opened his eyes and sat up on the bed. He saw that Marusya was wiping her hands with napkins, and then, bending over him, wiped the moisture that he felt inside his pants.
“For the first time, it always happens so quickly. But don’t worry. I’ll teach you everything,” just as insidiously as Prokhor, smiled Marusya. “Eee! Do not rush to leave, otherwise, these fools will laugh. You will be out in half an hour so that they all would be envied.”
Kai then did not quite understand what she meant, but believed her and stayed. While he was waiting for half an hour to pass, his young body recovered, Marusya noticed this and decided not to postpone the teaching for a long time, but to continue right now.
He left Marusya in more than an hour. He was greeted with whoos and pops of opening champagne bottles.
Clinking glasses with him, a glass of champagne, Prokhor asked:
“Are you glad?”
Kai averted his eyes in embarrassment, perhaps now he had not even fully realized what had happened to him, and therefore was not ready to discuss it.
Prokhor smiled, seeing the detached, still hovering in the clouds, the face of his friend and his pupils dilated from the pleasure received.
Then he met Marusya several times, then there were other girls. Although for some reason he did not like such girls, it was impossible to separate from the team, and now he had to be a member of their private parties and entertainment.
***
Time passed. Spring came in the world, so it seemed to Kai, he felt such a feeling of renewal and rebirth of nature in himself that it seemed that the whole world felt it and, like him, blossomed after a cold and dead winter.
He did not like winter, or rather, he did not tolerate the cold very well. Although no one knew about this, except for Prokhor, who saw how hard it was for Kai to spend many hours in an ambush in the street. But his friend never complained and always walked with Prokhor, even when he knew that they would spend several hours on the frozen winter street. Then he came, sat down closer to the radiator, and tried to draw from it the warmth that this cold haze, permeated with stabbing snowflakes, took from him. Then Prokhor brought him hot tea, and Kai, taking a cup from his friend’s hands, warmed his soul with the warmth of this cup and the warmth of Prokhor’s friendship.
But now winter was slowly dissolving in the rays of the warm sun. The snow was disappearing from the streets of the city, leaving only mud and gurgling streams. The first leaves appeared on the trees, but the main thing was warmth. The warmth came from nature itself, from the air around. Kai loved spring! He loved this warmth, which warmed his soul and gave him hope for a happy life. And this his adolescent spring in his soul gave an aching feeling of something new, beautiful. Kai had never felt such a feeling in his soul.
There was a girl going in front of him on the sidewalk and suddenly a bag fell out of her hands, one handle came off, and all its contents began to fall and scatter on the asphalt.
Kai deftly intercepted several oranges rolling to him and carried them to the girl, who was trying to prevent all the products from falling out of the bag. He grabbed the bag from the bottom, helping her with it. They both straightened up and looked at each other. Her eyes were blue, like the spring sky above their heads.
“What about him? How did he feel? What strange pleasant anxiety in the chest!” he had never experienced such excitement before.
The girl was saying something to him, and he only felt her hand under his, with which he held the package, and looked into her eyes.
Finally, she pulled her hand away and began to pick up the other products on the pavement.
“Let me help you carry the package,” he said.
“Okay,” she replied, realizing that she couldn’t handle it alone. She had to carry some of the products separately herself, as they constantly fell out of the torn bag.
They walked side by side. Kai asked her about everything that seemed so important to him now, she answered, reluctantly at first, but then began to speak calmly and freely, as if she had known him for a long time.
On the way, they cast furtive glances at each other. She had light blond hair, tied in a braid that twisted like a beautiful golden snake down her back. The delicate facial features of a teenage girl who was already crossing the line between a teenager and a girl. She had a slim graceful figure and light flowing movements. It turned out that she was studying at a ballet school, although she didn’t like it, the parents wanted her to study – it was so familiar to him.
Her name was Anna, as she later seriously told him at parting.
Anna also cast glances at the short young man walking next to her. For some reason, he reminded her of a fairy-tale prince. She had not met such guys yet. This face, curly resin hair down to his shoulders, and his eyes attracted her. If it were not for those green eyes looking at her so mesmerized, she would never have taken help from the unknown. Dressed in dark jeans, rough boots with thick soles, a dark sweater with a hood, and a black leather jacket on top, he looked unreal, and his name completed the image of a prince from a fairy tale. Can you call an ordinary guy Kai? No! This could only be called the prince, who happened to be on the streets of Moscow and was now helping her carry these products.
Walking her to the door of the apartment, Kai left the groceries on the rug, as she had asked her parents not to see him, and, saying goodbye, left.
But the very next day he waited for her return from the ballet school with a small bunch of flowers in his hand.
So their meetings began. Thus his first youthful love began. That was true love that happens only once in a lifetime. It is love when the souls of two young creatures come into contact with each other and acquire an incredible feeling of flying over this world.
* Song: Ocean. Alexander Geints and Sergey Danilov.
