Chapter 15 – Regularity (2)

Regularity – Part 2

      When Mimi and I arrive at Val manor we silently make our way upstairs. Every step I take, with Mimi on my arm, feels like lead. My stomach is in knots and my skin feels clammy with sweat. Eventually, we arrive at my room and I nervously turn towards her. She’s staring intently at me.

      “Mimi-” before I can say anything else, Mimi wraps her arm around my head and pulls me down to her, into a kiss. My mind lights up like fireworks but she pays my anxiety no mind as she pulls my waist closer to her and pushes harder into the kiss. I start to come to my senses when I feel Mimi flick her tongue against my lips.

      In complete confusion I hesitantly part my lips some and Mimi takes that opportunity to snake her tongue into my mouth. In complete surprise, I try to pull away but Mimi simply follows me and shoves me against the wall with force. Her tongue violates my mouth and wraps itself around my own tongue. I’ve never heard of this kind of kiss. My mind is slowly going blank and my body is heating up and feels euphoric and floaty. I’m resting my hands on her hips, their grip tightening. Before long, Mimi’s hands start to snake up my body, slowly caressing my legs, my hips, my stomach. I can’t remember what I’ve been doing this whole time but I think I’ve just been standing here dumbly. I can’t help it. I hate this so much, that it makes me nauseous. Yet the paradoxical situation feels like utter bliss at the same time.

      As Mimi makes her way to my chest, she stops. I peek through half-open eyes to see confusion in hers. She breaks our kiss and slowly, tentatively traces my body with her eyes. Her hand, floating in the air, slowly, but gently cups my breast. The shock is unlike anything I have ever experienced. But I don’t even have time to express said shock because of how fast Mimi reacts. She pulls her hand away as if she just touched fire. Her eyes go wide with shock and her jaw hangs open. She’s only inches away from me, and I should love her reaction because for the first time she’s showing true recognition of me being another woman. Yet all I feel is pain and rejection.

      “Zero you…” Mimi mumbles. Before I can say anything in response, however, someone clears their throat to our side.

      We both jump nearly out of our skins and simultaneously look over to see Kay standing there. As fast as literal lightning, Mimi puts distance between us. The situation is painfully awkward and I just wanna crawl in a hole and die. My mind is still swirling from Mimi and now there’s another layer of confusion from Kay. But I feel guilty as if she just caught me in the middle of an affair. But why do I feel this way? I didn’t do anything! It was all Mimi! And we’re all women! And I don’t owe them anything! And besides, they’re my wives so why do they get to judge me?

      Why am I even making excuses to myself? I can’t stop my world from spinning and fall to my knees. My breathing intensifies and I start to hyperventilate. My vision darkens and my world fades to black.

      I wake up to the sun beaming down on me, telling me to respond to the day. I’m pulled from my sleeping haze quickly as last night’s events fast forward through my mind. I roll over and with a groan I shove my head under my pillow. I’m not sure what emotion is more powerful right now; guilt, sadness, euphoric elation, plain happiness… lust. I dive into my own mind and search for Rei.

      It’s dark and cool inside here. I call for Rei and get no response. I call again, and again, to no avail. A hand grabs my shoulder from behind and spins me around. I don’t even flinch because there’s only one person it could be. I put on my best smile and meet Rei’s eyes. But the moment I do I feel a strong pulse assail me. I see Rei, and she sees me. But it’s not the Rei I know. Not my Rei.

      She wears a grin of teeth that reaches ear to ear. “Hello Eve,” she says while taking a step toward me. I meet it with a backstep.

      “Rei, what’s going on?” I ask, wracked with nerves.

      “I don’t know what you mean Eve.” She tells me. Like a snake, I feel her venom drip out of her words; it coils around me and constricts. It’s hard to breathe and I can feel her pulling on me, trying to bend me. Her eyes don’t have their usual pressure. Instead they make me cold. I’m terrified and try to escape back to the real world. But this “Rei” gives me a, “Tsk tsk,” with a shake of her head.

      I can’t get out. I don’t understand what is happening. I’m trapped inside myself. Before long, I hit a “wall” and can escape no further. As “Rei” approaches me, as her hand is about to touch me, I hear a sharp voice tear through the darkness.

      “Don’t you touch her!” it shouts. This “Rei” turns to the sky just in time to meet a blade as it slashes through her, severing her in half, head to groin.

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      In a fountain of blood “Rei” falls to the floor and what remains is Rei, my Rei. She turns her eyes towards me, and the pressure is there. The pressure that is all-consuming; the pressure that threatens to reject me, yet pulls me in. I let out, in a croak, scared voice, “What is going on Rei?”

      “You have to leave Eve.” She tells me, in a rush.

      “No. Rei, what is happening?” I ask again with a trembling voice.

      I’m scared. On top of everything last night, my identity is still crumbling. I’ve been attacked inside of my own mind. “Please, Rei”, I plead with her. She gives me a faltering look. Her golden eyes illuminate a sour complexion on her beautiful face, and her beautiful black hair teases the ground.

      “Eve. I will keep you safe. I promised I would.” Rei tells me in a serious voice.

      I shake my head. “I don’t remember that. I don’t remember anything like that. But that’s not important. I don’t need protection. I need answers. Please.”

      A tremor blasts through the area and my world shakes. “Eve. Begone. She’s coming.” Rei screams at me.

      With a wave of her hand, I’m back in the real world. I jump out of bed, covered in sweat. My breathing is rapid and my blood is running cold; my head is pounding and a shiver assaults me over and over. The world is blinding and feels as if it’s assaulting me. My door opens and I’m made aware of Rose standing there. I can’t see her, yet there she is. She’s a blinding white that burns the back of my eyes.

      “Zero? What’s wrong?”

      I can’t say anything. I feel so terrible that I’m starting to get mad. Rose approaches me with heavy steps. Thud, thud, thud every single step she takes echoes inside of my mind like a hammer taken to my skull.

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      “Zero? Are you ok?”

      Rose reaches out; but before she touches me, I slap her hand away. Rose yanks her hand back with a hurt look on her face. Her beautiful blue eyes gain a teary film. “Zero, you’re scaring me,” she says hesitantly. My stomach rolls and I feel nauseous.

      The light, and Rose, are so bright now that I can’t even see colors. The tremors wrack my head over and over until I’m physically knocked off my feet. Before I know what’s going on Rose is standing over me, calling out to me over and over. I feel her tears land on my face but I can’t tell her that I’m okay. I can’t tell her to stop crying over someone like me. I can’t tell her anything at all.

      I don’t know what all really happened over the next couple days. It’s all gone by in a haze of light and pain. I’m consciously aware of everything, but not. It feels like I’m losing my mind. I remember things for only a moment before I forget them. In the next moment, I’m able to reach “consciousness” again and think to myself, “This is the time I can remember.”

      Yet before long, it’s gone from my mind again. The only way I have any idea as to what’s happening, is being able to tell that there was something that has happened even if I don’t know what it was. It’s the gaps within me that tells me something has gone horribly wrong.

      Eventually, however, the tremors settle and the light fades. I spend eternity in darkness now; perhaps it’s only a moment. To me, it makes no difference. I’m aware of nothing at all. I can tell Nina arrived at some point and has been doing all kinds of things to me.

      With every movement that she makes to comfort me, I want to thank her. For every tear the others cry, I want to soothe them. I’m unable to do either. I’m a prisoner inside my own body- remembering nothing and forgetting everything almost as soon as it happens. My life is torn apart and reborn over and over. I’m living in a hell of my body’s own making.

      I don’t know how long has passed, but I hear a small voice in the back of my head. I can’t really distinguish it from the buzz of those around me, but I can tell it’s there. It’s warm and soothing. I want to reach out and grab it; bring it to the forefront of my mind- for it is the only thing always there. Its omniscience is definable but ungraspable. I recognize it, but I can’t place it.

      “…ve” I think I hear a voice now. I can see Nina fiddling with some machines while the others scream at her with tears flying every which way. I don’t remember when, because of course I don’t, but Kay isn’t here. Was she ever?

      “Eve,” I hear. It’s faint. I think it’s calling for me but I don’t see any of the others even paying attention to me. Why are they not paying attention to me? I’m here and I’m sick or something. What’s so interesting about that damn machine? Why are my wives not taking care of me? What exactly do they need to do for me anyways? I’m here and awake. I’ll just sit up right now and give them a wave.

      But I can’t. That’s weird. Why can’t I get up? Why did I end up here? And how?

      “Eve!” A voice roars through me and siphons my mind to it.

      The random women in the room seem to all turn and look at me in unison. They’re crying and shouting now as I jump side to side. That’s weird, why is the world jumping all around like that? It’s as if tremors are running through the world- I guess I can see why those people would be upset. I would imagine a world of tremors would suck. I can’t imagine being in a world like that. I mean, a world is a weird thing when you really think about it.

      It’s host to billions of parasites: and instead of running the parasites off, it nurtures and takes care of them. That’s a weird way to live. Why would parasites want to be nurtured? Their whole existence is based on sustaining themselves at the cost of others. Why would others allow the parasites to continue to do as they please? The others should kill the parasites.

      Yes, it’s that easy, that’s the solution.

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