Rather than someone, I dearly miss something.
Ignorance.
Though it is great to know that my thoughts, views, and opinions are all mostly educated, it might be nice to blindly believe in the good of humanity and live vicariously. However, such a thing is nearly impossible in general, and definitely impossible for the current me.
Just a single example: throwing away food.
We all do it. And we almost all know about how there are many people who would fight us for that same food, or anything edible at all, that we nonchalantly discard (of course, I mean “we” as anyone in a position to throw away food they don’t want to eat). It is possible to package that food and hand it to a person in need, but so few of us do. Because we don’t care enough. To many of us, the amount of effort required to make someone else’s day is too much, despite not being much at all.
It’s merely a matter of convenience. It would be inconvenient to go out of my way to fill the stomach of someone who wants and needs the food I throw away more than I do. It’s inconvenient to use even a little bit of my time to help another human live just a little better, exactly because the amount I’d be helping them is negligible in my perspective. However, if someone in need of that single meal received it, it would definitely NOT feel negligible to them. It might even feel like the most divine favor that person was ever gifted.
I just HATE knowing that I could sacrifice my interests to dedicate myself to bettering the lives of countless others by working in any one of many charities or by spreading awareness through the cosmic magic that is the internet…yet don’t, because the reward I gain from working for bettering my own life is vastly more valuable to myself than the reward I’d gain from helping others.
I hate it.
I hate that I can help…that EVERYONE can help each other to make better lives for each other, yet so few do, because we are selfish creatures.
But I hate the fact that I don’t help, the most.
Sometimes I think it’d be nice to have my ignorance of the world back—to forget about all that could be, that won’t be.
I wish that my interests could align with what’s best for the world…which, in my case, would be to become a xianxia protagonist and just clean up all the Earth’s injustices myself.
