4. No, I’m Xandra

The hand on the clock ticked by, providing the only sound throughout the room.

Logan couldn’t believe his eyes. Alex had always wore long sleeves and layers, even in hot weather. Never did he wear just a shirt or just a sweater. It had always been, at least two items. This moment was the first time he saw Alex willingly expose arms and legs. Smooth and slender unlike any male he’d seen.

Some had actually thought Alex possessed a skin problem but when they had to wear the shirts and pants uniform for gym class, that rumor died Instead, they thought Alex had been blessed with really good skin plus really fast metabolism.

But at this moment, realizing that not a single hair on Alex’s legs was visible to the naked eye—plus the evident dumplings on the chest area, Logan sensed Alex hid something else.

He frowned, thinking, why did she hide it? Or is it he? The question circled around his head. Maybe it’s because Alex didn’t feel like a she…, he speculated, or was it the other way around?

Sympathy swelled up in Logan’s heart. What did Alex go through to resort to this? Was she bullied? Was he shunned for wanting to be female? Or was she shunned for wanting to be seen as a male?

The nerves in Alex’s brain panicked as the silence stretched longer. The number of faces Logan expressed under a minute made her uncomfortable. She needed to think fast. Logan had brains but either he understood the situation or he overthought it.

Alex spotted a photo over Logan’s shoulder. It hung next to the front door. It may be old but her aunt treasured it a lot. In the picture, stood two teenagers, a boy and a girl. The boy’s arm draped over the girl’s shoulder. They just graduated high school with their proud parents standing on each side of them. They brought home multiple rewards. The school staff called them, the dynamic duo of their generation, while Alex called them…

… her father and her aunt.

Like honey that dropped out of the sky, Alex came up with an idea. She thanked the heavens for the inspiration and prayed for guidance.

She placed a hand over her chest, groaned and glared at Logan. Her target of attack leaned back at the sudden change.

With a pitch higher than her normal voice, Alex screeched, “Good grief! I thought you were a robber!”



Logan tilted his head to the side, “Huh?”

Rolling her eyes, Alex continued the plan, “And can you please not? My brother, Alex, has it tough as it is. Sure, he’s not athletic or into body building but please, do not associate his looks with the female gender!”

“Uh…”

To keep up the momentum, Alex delivered her final act, hoping her body and her voice didn’t tremble from fear, “I’m Xandra? Alex’s twin sister?”

It took Logan a moment before her words sank in and when they did, he called them bullsh*t.

“Twin sister?” He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. For a pair of twins, they looked too alike. No way did fraternal twins have that much in common—especially after puberty!

“I just said that.” Alex—Xandra—whichever pointed out.

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Logan shook his head, “I’m not buying it.”

Xandra huffed and mimicked his pose, “Look, believe what you want. I’m not obligated to prove myself to you.”

Logan clicked his tongue. Alex made it clear that she didn’t intend to back down and neither did she plan to persuade him to believe her. The refusal to defend her statement was a good strategy but Logan wasn’t fooled.

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He pretended to buy it, determined to see how far Alex was willing to take it, “So if you’re twins, why don’t I see you at school?”

Xandra frowned at his question, “Because we don’t go to the same school? Is that so uncommon?”

Logan’s temple throbbed. If their looks wasn’t enough evidence that they were the same person, their irritating mouths sure is.

“Why is that?” He asked.

“Like I said,” Xandra shrugged, “My brother has it tough as it is. Do you know how difficult it is for a male to grow up scrawny with soft features? The amount of mockery that brings? Especially when the person had a twin sister? People teased us as identical and not fraternal. And it wasn’t me who had to take that blow.” She shook her head, “Whatever. I didn’t expect you to understand but know that Alex needed to be on his own, to man up… to be strong—even if it meant that I couldn’t be in the picture.”

Xandra took a deep breath and stared at the floor. Her eyes watered as she thought about how ‘Alex’ was always avoiding confrontation and always thinking of a way around things to match ‘his’ comfort. The times ‘Alex’ had to endure every insult and every person poking fun. The moments ‘Alex’ spent alone just to have some peace which happened a lot.

By the time she looked up, her tears threatened to flow down her cheeks.

Logan gulped.

What to do? Crying girls weren’t his specialty. Was he too harsh? What did he know about twins anyway? He and his own twin brother practically had nothing in common! Someone explain that! Logan’s thoughts swirled and blurred together.

Xandra noticed Logan’s discomfort. She chuckled inwardly. Times haven’t changed much. Men still fell weak to women’s tears. Taking advantage of the situation, Xandra bit her bottom lip and sniffed.

On cue, warning signs flashed in Logan’s head. He opened his mouth, saying, “I-I don’t think that’s working out”

Logan slapped himself. At least, he wanted to.

Xandra’s face remained solemn as she walked over to door, “It’s his choice to do what with the arrangement. It’s just something we hope for. He’s been closeted his whole life. The type of lifestyle we have is not easy. There will be times he has no one to rely on but his own. It’s hard to find people to trust, you know?”

At the last statement, Xandra looked at him again, in search for understanding and compassion. It was easy to do too since what she said wasn’t entirely a lie. It was the reason she fought so much for this freedom even if it didn’t turn out to be what she’d hoped.

Logan’s shoulders relaxed, letting go of his skepticism, and he whispered, “Yeah… I know”

He’s heard of the Carter family. They weren’t aggressive in expanding their business and their influence but they remained stable for decades. Such a thing was also hard to achieve. He didn’t think Alex was from that Carter family. But if it wasn’t them, who else could be pressured from the norms of high society?

Logan and Xandra stared at each other for a long time. A silent sense of camaraderie fell between them. Logan was someone who was carved in the same world as her. Might have seen what she had seen. Might have felt what she had felt.

She was right to play that card. She suddenly felt bad for using it to influence Logan in believing a lie. Maybe in another life, they could have been friends.

Logan suddenly flashed a smile, making her suspicious, “Don’t worry about your brother. I’ll take good care of him.”

Xandra’s heart dropped. She didn’t like the sound of that, “Wha-wha-what do you mean?”

Her question made Logan smile wider. She didn’t like the look of that either.

“I’ll be his friend.” Logan said then, added, “I’ll be his best friend.”

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