‘There is no such thing as an innate evil.’ was written on the blackboard. In a week, my time in this torture chamber they call a classroom would be due. In a week, I would graduate from high school.
It’s been a few long years, but it has finally come, I thought. I sighed and leaned back at my seat. My class seat had always been the same, the corner at the back of the classroom.
What exactly will I do after graduating? Should I go find a job? Who will possibly hire a scrawny guy like me? I couldn’t think of any job that didn’t require physical strength and my intellect wasn’t really something to be proud of. But still, they will probably be happy if I don’t go to a university. After all, that means that they no longer have to shoulder my tuition and allowance. They just–
My thoughts were interrupted with the sudden ring of the bell, marking the end of the class.
“So, that’s it for today,” our teacher, Mizugawa, announced.
As soon as Mizugawa left the room, everybody hurriedly fixed their stuff and went about their own business. Some rushed to the cafeteria, hoping to be the first in line and snatch a meal of their liking. Some others went to their friends, while some others, like me, reached into their bags to get their lunchboxes. I wonder what’s my lunch today.
I glanced around, looking at my classmates merrily interacting with each other, then stared at my plain blue lunchbox. I let out a silent sigh and opened it. I bet it’s sausage and egg again.
“Rihoku, did you bring sausage and eggs again?” said a soft, high pitched voice behind me. Aya, literally the only person who talks to me at school, got one of the sausages and popped it into her mouth.
“Why do you do this, Aya?” I asked with a hint of irritation. She had a habit of sneaking behind me and stealing a sausage from my lunch. Even though it sounded irritating, it was the highlight of my day, since it’s literally the only social interaction I received most days. It wasn’t always that way. I used to have friends. However, my so-called friends started veering away from me after my parents started pulling strings to keep my grades afloat. They thought it was unfair, and perhaps it was.
My parents didn’t really care about me failing for my sake, though. They simply wanted not to tarnish their supposed flawless names. After all, I was an accident, or so they said, and keeping was only the right thing to do. Apparently, that didn’t include being loved.
I looked at Aya with my typical fake irritated look.
She smiled. “‘Cause it’s delicious!” She put a tempura on my lunchbox. “Here’s my payment.”
“Aya! Hurry up,” called one of her friends.
“Later then, Rihoku!” She waved her hand, then proceeded to join them.
I let out another sigh, then bit into the tempura, giving a mouth-watering gentle crunch. As soon as I bit into it, the soft, juicy meat immediately melted into my mouth. She may be doing it out of pity, but thank whoever’s up there for her pity. Lunch will always be the best part of my day.
***
The bell rang, sounding the end of graduation practice. Most of them gathered together and went to their respective clubs. After all, it’s almost graduation, and they all had to pass the batons to the younger club members. Well, that was for those who found clubs where they could belong to. As for those like me who were only forced to join a club and didn’t really bother attending, we could only look at them in envy and silently drag our feet home.
Reality hit me. I was alone for most of my high school days. For some reason, I could feel my chest tighten. I had been alone for the past few years. Classmates, clubmates, and even my teachers would only talk to me when necessary. My only legitimate interactions were with Aya. Those five second food-exchanges, which I knew she was doing out of pity. I knew that she didn’t see me as a “friend.” I had already accepted that I’m, in no way, wanted… I thought I was over with all this dramatic nonsense. Turned out, I wasn’t. Stupid self…
I grit my teeth, unlocked my bike, and went on my way. My eyes were getting heavy and blurry. No. I won’t cry. That’s stupid.
I pushed my legs to the limit, pedaling as fast as I could. I wanted to go home as soon as possible. Home, where nobody would bother me. Where nobody would call me names for being weak, for crying. I just wanted to hole up and curl under my blanket.
Alas, the anime-esque sunset by the river aesthetic was not helping. Damn it!
I bit my lip harder. I could feel my teeth digging through my lower lip, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to go home.
Ten minutes later, I was standing in front of a wooden door. I opened the door and went inside. “I’m home,” I announced to no one in particular. I could feel a part of me longing for a response. A simple “Welcome home” or even a simple nod would suffice. No, just their presence. I would be satisfied just to see them.
Hoping for some sort of redemption, I walked towards the kitchen. I looked at the table. On top of it was a bowl covered by a plate, and on top of the plate was a piece of paper. My heart jumped. I got a bit excited. Maybe, they cooked for me for once. Some sort of graduation gift perhaps? I quickly walked towards the table and read the note.
“Rihoku,
We’ve left some money inside the bowl. We’ve already eaten. The food was only enough for the both of us. Go and buy your dinner in the convenience store. Be sure to lock the door.
-Mihaku”
At this point, I could already feel tears rolling down my cheeks. It was my fault. It was stupid of me to assume that they would suddenly care when they’d stop caring a few years ago. Damn it! Get a grip, stupid self. Stupid graduation.
Why did I even hope to have someone? It’s just a stupid graduation. I slumped down, letting time pass very, very slowly.
***
The day of graduation came. The ceremony took a few hours, but it finally ended. Luckily, I was one of the first to exit the gymnasium. I could see my batchmates greeting and taking photos with their parents, wide smiles plastered on their faces. My parents… Just thinking about it made my heart tighten.
It was supposed to be a happy occasion. I was supposed to be happy, but why do I feel lonely? Damn it!
“Yo, Rihoku! Congratulations on graduating,” a female voice greeted from afar. Aya.
I held my tears. I did have somebody — well, sort of. I decided to take my chance. “Oh, Aya. Uhmm, yeah. Congratulations to us.” I forced a smile, but it came out more awkward than happy. “Uhmm. Want to, ahh, eat lunch to celebrate?”
“Oh, I would love to–” My heartbeat quickened. “–but I already made plans with my friends.”
“Oh, yeah. Of course…” My stomach churned, and my knees felt weak.
“Maybe next time, Rihoku!” She waved her hand as she walked away with a smile.
Stupid of me to even try… I gripped the case of my certificate tighter. I walked out of the gates with my back hunched. It was my graduation, but I was alone. I thought I should still somehow celebrate, though, so I went to fetch my bike.
I rode into town. Where should I go? What should I do?
I wandered around the town in circles for a while. I was already there, but my mind wandered elsewhere. I could eat, I could play, I could even gamble, but I didn’t feel like doing any of those. Something felt missing; something didn’t seem right. After another round around the town, I finally decided to just eat lunch.
I went to my favorite restaurant, a family run ramen house.
“Welcome!” greeted Kazu, the owner’s son and the waiter. “Oh, Rihoku. School ended early, huh. Table for one?”
“Yes please,” I mumbled.
Kazu led me towards the corner table. He was not being rude or anything. That was just my usual place. It just felt to be the place where I belong, away from the eyes of others. I placed my certificate of graduation on the table and settled on my seat.
“Will it be the usual shoyu and gyoza, Rihoku?” asked Kazu while holding a pen and paper.
I simply nodded in answer, then bowed my head as Kazu’s footsteps went away. Staring at the wooden table, I noticed every dent and dirt, the fading color, as well as the scratches from numerous encounters with utensils and bowls. I wasn’t thinking of anything. I was merely waiting for my food to arrive.
After a while, a bowl slid into my view. The noodles glisten from the dazzling brown broth. It was topped with an egg, its yolk still runny, and two pieces of meat, one too many than the regular. My eyes widened. Not from glee, but awkward surprise.
“Ah, eh. Kazu, I can’t afford extra meat.” My head shot up, and I immediately met Kazu’s gaze as he placed my gyoza beside the ramen.
“Oh, that. Don’t worry about it. I told pops that today was your graduation, and he gave you that as a graduation gift,” he said with a grin. “Plus, mom didn’t want to lose, so you’ll be getting chicken katsu too. Those are on the house too. Congratulations, Rihoku.”
“Tha- thank you, Kazu. Please extend my thanks to the owner and cook.” I could feel butterflies inside my stomach and my eyes welling up. Something good, for once.
“Haha, sure! But, don’t go crying on me now, Rihoku. Eat up!” Kazu joked, then went about to attend to the other customers. If only he knew, he hit the spot and I was a word away from tearing up.
I swallowed my emotions and thanked the gods for the food, then gobbled the food. Within minutes, the bowl and plates were licked clean. I thanked them once again and went to get my bike. I could hear kazu’s laughter as I walked outside. Somehow, the day got a little bit brighter.
I rode my bike a couple more times around town, hoping for any craving to trigger, but nothing did. It didn’t feel that long, but the sun was already setting before I knew it. I ended up deciding to go home. Seeing the sun’s golden rays glisten on the riverbank’s surface, I decided to stop for a while and appreciate the beauty. I parked my bike, went down the grassy slope, and laid down on the soft, green grass. I watched as the sun slowly hid behind the Earth. I caught myself smiling and immediately felt embarrassed. I didn’t expect something good to happen, but I was glad it did.
With the sun gone, darkness quickly enveloped everything. The moon was barely lighting anything. In fact, I couldn’t see any stars. I didn’t pay it any mind and closed my eyes for a bit.
A heavy downpour woke me up from my reluctant nap. I immediately sat up and searched for my certificate, the only proof that I achieved something. I found it beside me and let out a sigh of relief. Looking at it, I realized that I was completely drenched. How long have I been asleep?
I twisted my body to check if my back was wet as well. While doing so, I somehow knocked my certificate’s container, and it rolled down the slippery grass. I shot up to my feet and chased it down the slope. The cylinder continued rolling and was about to bounce into the river. I gritted my teeth and dived to catch it before it fell on the water. Alas, I failed, and it went down like a submarine. Unfortunately, the water had a torrential current due to the heavy downpour.
I slumped. My sole achievement… gone. No, I can’t let that happen!
I got up and jumped into the water to look for it. It’s heavy. It could’ve simply sunk. I stupidly told myself.
I dived deep looking for the container, however, it was total darkness. I couldn’t see anything, so I could only go up to breathe some air. When my head reached the surface, a wave crashed onto my face, sending me back underwater. I had underestimated the current. I flailed and fought, but the current was too strong, and I could no longer surface.
I could feel my surrounding fading. Time seemed to have slowed down. Slowly… everything… went… black…
I opened my eyes. Was I dreaming? I struggled to sit. My back felt cold. Beads of sweat littered my forehead.
“Did we succeed?” a soft gentle voice asked.
