While they personally had no clue as to Ultron’s location, the Maximoff twins had enthusiastically volunteered their meeting spot in Sokovia as Ultron’s possible long-term base. Well, one Maximoff twin had volunteered. Whereas speed-boy kept quiet and to himself most of the time, only piping up to support his sister when their allegiance kept being brought into question. That had made Tony wonder because the kid certainly hadn’t seemed to be the quiet type in Johannesburg. In fact, he had been stupid enough to place himself between Iron Man and Ultron just to shout accusations at his would-be nemesis but now… Now, the kid wouldn’t even look him in the eyes. And yet, he kept staring when he thought Tony wasn’t paying attention! Every time Tony caught his gaze, he would just look away as if he hadn’t been burning a hole in Tony’s head moments prior. He hadn’t been the only one to have this problem, though. Pietro wouldn’t meet Banner’s gaze either, and he kept staring at JARVIS in his new body, especially his hands for some reason. The teenager seemed… apprehensive of JARVIS? Scared, maybe? He would get weirdly pensive around the android.
It wasn’t the time to worry about the odd behavior of criminal pseudo-N*** adolescents, however. He would investigate the reason’s for the boy’s weirdness after he found out what was happening to his own kids first. Starting with JARVIS.
“How’s the body, J? Any problems?” Tony said as he entered the renovated lab space. It was entirely coincidental that he had not had the time to implant any new cameras or move in any computer equipment in the room, making them effectively blind tech-wise.
The young android, who now wore normal clothes compared to the ‘superhero’ outfit he had suddenly changed into once he awakened, turned around to greet him for he had been staring silently into his own hands for what appeared to have been a while.
“I am fine, Sir. There are no functional issues to note,” he said and Tony kept being surprised at how human he sounded. Wait, that felt speciesist. At how alive he sounded…? Yep. Better. Xenophobia averted.
“Any comfort issues to note as well or are we taking this ‘living’ thing with a grain of salt?”
“No issues at all, Sir.”
“Good. I’ll let that go for now since Cap wants us out immediately, but as soon as we are back, I am giving you a full checkup. We don’t know for sure how this bio-tech synthesis is even meant to work, so we’ll have to do regular tests from now on.
“Sir, there is a word that applies to your current attitude that you enjoyed using on me. I believe you called it “motherhenning”?” JARVIS said, although he made no actual objections to Tony’s plans.
“Hey! It’s never too late to spank you, J!” Tony laughed. “Don’t tempt me now that you have a body and all.”
“While I remain aghast at what you think of as proper disciplinary measures for children, I’d like to remind you that being 18 years of age, I am a fully independent adult.” JARVIS continued.
“Not while you live under my roof you aren’t.” he said, but as the implications of the banter hit him, he rubbed his temples, feeling a headache coming.
“Sir?” the android asked, worried. “Are you feeling well?”
“Perfect.” He answered. “I was just thinking about what you said. About the minor laws and stuff.”
JARVIS patiently waited for him to elaborate even though Tony really didn’t want to think about this.
“They don’t apply to you. None of them do.”
Finally understanding his worries, the android let out a soft “Oh.”
“Yeah, oh.” But then not wanting to think about the nightmare he would have to experience in the next few years trying to simply prove in court that JARVIS was not property, he tried for a more cheerful tone. “But I’ll think of something then. That’s for future me to drink about. Present me has more pressing matters.”
JARVIS moved forward and patted Tony’s arm, awkwardly. He was so unsure about the motion that it was weirdly adorable.
“Sir, while the legal battle—.”
“Nuh-uh.” Tony interrupted. “That’s for future me. Present me has to go spank my other AI.” Then, giving his AI —uh, android now— a one-armed hug because the android deserved some positive reinforcement, he continued. “So, ideas?”
JARVIS sighed but let the subject rest. He tensed a bit under the hug, but he didn’t try to move away so B+ for Tony in How to Teach Your Adult Robot Kid Gestures Of Affection class. “It is very unlikely that Ultron is where Ms. Maximoff says he will be.”
Giving his kid —and god, he couldn’t believe that he had been thinking of that phrase often lately— a break, Tony removed his arm from the android’s shoulders. Nope, there was no relief written on his face, so Tony mentally bumped up his grade to an A-. “Thought so. We have no other leads, however, so it wasn’t worth it to argue. There’s still a chance Ultron’s there. The kid can certainly see the theatrics of an epic showdown at an old church in the heart of a war-torn town.”
JARVIS features moved as if he were raising an eyebrow in disbelief, but the lack of hair certainly made it lose its flair. Maybe, like Ultron, they could use B.A.R.F. to better animate such motions or nanotech so that JARVIS could more easily manipulate—. Nope, not going there. JARVIS would probably get the offer of such tech as criticism on his appearance. What if he saw no point in it and still tried to act more human for Tony’s sake? He would hate himself if he let JARVIS think like that. Go purple-red! Unless JARVIS asked on his own initiative for the changes, of course.
“But are the theatrics worth his safety?” the way he clipped his tongue at ‘theatrics’ showed JARVIS’ feelings on such behavior.
Tony couldn’t let that go. “I am sorry, but who was the one who handed Thor the kingly hammer and then walked out after a Spangles-style speech? It couldn’t have been you ’cause the theatrics of that would make a drama club kid give a standing ovation.”
JARVIS coughed politely. “I am not quite sure to what you are referring to, Sir. And isn’t it time to depart? We should pick up your armor, for we musn’t let Mr. Rogers wait unnecessarily.”
“Suuure.” Tony agreed unconvincingly, but he followed the android out of the lab and into the area storing the Iron Man armors that Ultron had kindly not ransacked. Since they hadn’t been in use, it seemed safe to presume that they weren’t under Ultron’s control. And if they were… well, he hadn’t experienced falling down a deadly height because of the flight system in a while now. And, JARVIS would catch him. Probably. Hopefully.
After choosing the Mark XLV armor for the trip to Sokovia, something occurred to him.
“You can’t remotely control the armor anymore, can you?” Tony said.
JARVIS seemed unsurprised by his question. He had probably already tried doing it and simply didn’t tell him, the sneaky android.
“I… can.” He answered, hesitant. “However, it is significantly more difficult for me to do so as the focus required to control my own living body appears to have… limited the flexibility of my programming.”
Tony crossed his arms. “And this is the first time I am hearing about this because…?”
JARVIS seemed to feel sheepish as he explained. “It didn’t seem relevant until now.”
This…! JARVIS was supposed to be the mature one between the two of them!
“Anything else that doesn’t seem relevant as of yet?”
“May I suggest that we activate FRIDAY for assistance from now on?”
So JARVIS sucked not only in his lying skills but also in distraction? “So that she can learn to ignore significant changes in her code from you? Nope.”
For someone who was so stubborn as an AI, JARVIS folded pretty easily. The bluff of not activating FRIDAY worked. Maybe. Well, not really, since JARVIS knew Tony desperately needed an AI to not embarrass himself in his suits, as he did with Ultron in their last encounter.
“I can no longer upload myself on the Internet,” he said.
What? But wasn’t that how… how JARVIS had escaped the last time?
“How? Why? A body isn’t supposed to… to…” Tony had no idea to react to that news. If JARVIS couldn’t escape the body, then if something happened to that body, would he—? “Are you telling me that you will die if anything were to happen to… to the body you inhabit?”
Sensing Tony’s growing upset, JARVIS hurriedly answered. “Sir, this body is virtually indestructible. The risks are minimal—.”
Tony spoke through gritted teeth. “Magical. Rock. Created. By. The. F******. Universe.” What the f*** had he been thinking giving JARVIS a living body? His life was a clusterfuck full of explosions. He barely kept Pepper alive 3 years ago —more like she kept him alive, he certainly wouldn’t have survived Killian without her— and now he would throw JARVIS into the fray too? No. “We should have tested the Cradle more. We never did any trials. What the f*** was I thinking?! I should have built a nice, replaceable, robotic—.”
“Tony!” JARVIS half-shouted. Hearing his name from JARVIS’ broke him out of his depressive monologue. “Sir. I have prepared backup servers that contain my code at its most recent.”
“It wouldn’t be the same—.”
“You’d only need,” JARVIS interrupted and Tony shut up because JARVIS never interrupted, “to manually upload the data from any remains of this body onto those servers for me to work on repairing myself.”
“Oh.” Tony said. JARVIS wasn’t dying.
“Oh, indeed, Sir.” the android smiled. “Now, weren’t you about to activate FRIDAY to help you pilot the Iron Man armor?”
Embarrassed, but mostly relieved, Tony got to work on waking up his newest AI.
