Not even waiting to finish class-… Rather, not even going back to class, I went outside the school’s gates and towards my uncle’s home without even taking back my bag.
I didn’t have his number and neither did I wish to have too much to do with him, father normally telling me that he wasn’t too much of a great person. He lived in a rather remote area, in a small house but had a spacious courtyard with a large open workshop. He was known for making different armors and weapons for reenactment purposes of the middle ages and antique era. I always found it amazing, but his habit of drinking all day long made me be distant from him.
Taking the bus then walking a good while on foot, the whole trip from school to his house took around an hour. After I arrived, I entered his courtyard and rung his door, only for silence to follow, then…
-Crash!-
“Ouch! Agh, f******-! Dumb bottle!”
I wanted to ring once again, only for a loud crash to resound from inside, together with more curses being spat out, loud steps resounding as the person was coming closer and closer.
“Who the f*** made me drop my wine?!”
A middle-aged man that stank of alcohol and had long messy hair opened the door, his unkempt beard and dirty clothes making him look like a homeless person.
“…”
I remained momentarily frozen and then my uncle looked at me. Although his appearance was that of a dirty and homeless person, his body was well built and tanned, while his face, if not for the long bangs and unkempt beard, would’ve appeared no older than in the late 20s. However, he was already past the middle of his 30’s. Although I knew how he was like from my father, I never really saw him and he never saw me either… at least not in flesh.
“You… Are you Leon? My dumb brother’s son?”
“Yes sir…”
“… Get in.”
His grave voice resounded unkindly as he just went back in, his door wide open for me to enter. Before entering I saw his whole house being completely rundown as if a band of thieves ran over his place. Even so, I was simply too deep in my own chaotic thoughts to mind such things, not even observing the filth and disorder.
-CRASH CRACK-
My uncle walked towards what appeared to be a kitchen and threw everything that was on the main table to the floor then sat down on one of the chairs.
“Sit.”
He ordered in a rough tone and I did as told, not really minding his brute behavior. My uncle looked at me and I looked back, both of us having dead eyes.
“Tsk, I despise your eyes, kid.”
“…”
His rough and deep voice resounded annoyed but then a smile appeared on his face as he continued on, my face expressionless while listening without care.
“I despised your father’s as well, you know? All lively and love-struck, happy-go-lucky c*nt-like eyes… But yours… yours are especially disgusting, you know why?”
“…”
“Because they’re like mine. Yeah, yeah… Like mine. The eyes of a useless and troublesome man who can’t wait for life to just end already. Haha~ from today forth, you are a true man of the Roils.”
He chuckled amused then took another bottle from under his table, there being a whole pack of bottles of red wine. He started drinking from it again and after gulping from it, he breathed out satisfied, looking at me as if trying to mock me. I continued to stare at him with a neutral gaze and then asked with an emotionless voice,
“I understand about mother… but why did father leave me?”
“Hah! Did that fool not tell you?! He went for a vendetta! That retard!”
“… Does he know who did it?”
“No he doesn’t, but he doesn’t need to, either. After all, everyone who escaped will end up dead anyway.”
“…”
“Don’t look at me like that. He didn’t abandon you, damn fool. He went to kill those idiots so you won’t be the next victim. Here, aren’t you proud of your daddy now? He’ll be sure to kill and massacre every single bastard that might endanger his little toddler.”
“…”
I looked away from him and outside the window towards the street. The street seemed deserted while the sky was gray and cold, typical for an autumn day, and also quite representing how I was feeling right now.
If you’re going to kill them, then you’ll be sentenced… After that, won’t I end up alone? Father…
I continued to stare outside the window then asked with a plain expression on my face,
“What did father told you? And why did he sent me here?”
“Heck if I know.”
He said while chucking down another jug of wine, leaning back on his chair. With a grin he then pointed at me, his lifeless eyes flashing amused.
“But anyway, this place it’s free-for-use only for you. After all, your daddy was quite generous with how much he paid me to keep you safe. But I never said I would take care of your education as well. Glup, glup, you can do whatever you wanna, I don’t give a s***. Drop from school, start working, or even join a gang, do your s***, brat.”
“… What am I supposed to eat?”
“Here, take whatever. I made sure to share it 3/7, 3 is for you, of course. That’s your money, you can waste it all in one go or try actually living, you have enough there to be able to live for your entire life, as long as you’ll only eat bread and drink water that is. But don’t you ever come crying at me for more money, understood? I’ll kick you out the next moment you do so.”
My uncle then threw my way a black and golden debit card then waved his hand. I looked at the card then at him again and nodded my head. Seeing how I said nothing against it, my uncle slammed the bottle on the table and grinned widely.
“GOOD! Now, here are the rules: Whatever you use in this house, you’ll have to take care of it, understood? You break it, you pay it, you dirty it, you clean it, no buts. No crying for mommy or daddy, I hate whinny little s**** your age the most. You don’t disturb me, I don’t disturb you. If you don’t know something in this house, then you f****** ask! Understood? Now get lost and bring your stuff. Your house has been fully paid by your dumb father so there’s no mortgage on it. It will be deserted until you grow up and will be able to manage it.”
“…Why not come to my place?”
“Cuz’ I don’t wanna. Problem? Besides, nothing useful can be found there except some pieces of metal. Now move it.”
My uncle didn’t wish to talk anymore as he simply started jugging down his throat more wine, waving his hand my way as in to get lost.
A week later, all my more important things like clothes, laptop, chargers, books, notebooks, and cooking utensils, were all brought to my uncles’ place, into a room I worked two whole days to clean. The bed was miserable and I was unable to wash off all the stains from food and wine, but at least I had a bed to use together with a little bench and a wardrobe for my clothes. I took the minimum as I had no space for everything to fit in the little room, most of my things still being kept in bags or valises.
At least he has internet…
I was surprised to actually see that my uncle had all the necessities and he was paying them accordingly; from light, to warm water, to the internet, and even gas for the stove. At the end of the week, I got a phone which summoned me to the prison located outside the city. My father has been caught and sentenced for life after killing more than 50 innocent civilians, of course, the civilians being in truth released criminals and their helpers. Now that all the bad blood has been rid of, what remained was emptiness and death.
I went to the local prison and went into the visiting room where my father was waiting behind an anti-bullet glass wall while wearing the orange clothes. His eyes were empty and a desolate smile appeared on his face after seeing me. He was nothing like the mighty and strong person I knew off. As uncle said, he looked like a true Roil.
“Son… Now nobody will go for your life… I made sure of it.”
“… What life, father?”
“…”
We were like two dead men, talking in riddles but ridiculously enough able to understand each other. Seeing me so devastated, my dad sighed then he covered his head in shame and despair, unable to comfort or help his own son.
“My son, please just understand… When it rains, it pours. So whatever happens, try to reach out for the smallest ray of hope, as small as it is, as long as it will still keep you alive. Please, promise me… that you’ll try living.”
“…”
I remained as mute and unmoving as before, but my lifeless eyes suddenly released tears, more and more tears, falling down my cheeks, unable to do anything to stop them and I didn’t even wish to stop them. I nodded once and with the same robotic voice I just complied,
“Yes father, I understand… But… I don’t think I’m strong enough to push the clouds away…”
“… I’m sorry son, I’m sorry… Forgive your useless father…”
“…”
Both of us cried at our own helplessness until the time was up, dad needing to return to his cell while I had to go back and prepare for school the next day.
.
“Hey, did you heard?”
“Yeah, so his father was really going after a vendetta!”
“And 50 people no-less! I heard that even their families have been massacred.”
“B-but won’t that go for more than 50 people then?!”
“I know but don’t tell me! That’s what the news said!”
“Never mind that! You saw the arsenal he used for his revenge?! It was like out from a movie! He had everything, even grenades!”
“I heard he robbed the police’s weapon’s deposit.”
“Just crazy!”
Nothing new at school either as everyone started gossiping and murmuring the moment they saw me, be it inside or outside the building.
After I left for a whole week, the teacher was kind enough to hold onto my belongings until I came back to school, returning it with a severe scolding as well, giving me bonus homework as expected.
“-I do understand that you have it hard, but don’t think because of that you’re free to trouble others as well, mister Roil! And as I said-!”
“Understood sir, can I return to class now?”
“You-!… Fine, go already.”
Already tired of hearing it, I just interrupted him and after he waved his hand, I went back and just sat on my seat. The moment I sat down, the classmate in front of me passed me a piece of paper while saying,
“Here, dude. From your girl. God damn, man. Open up that phone of yours! Everyone tried to contact you.”
“Sorry, I had to move all my things to my uncle’s house so it took me a whole week. My phone was discharged.”
This was a lie, I simply didn’t feel like talking to anyone as I had no energy left to spare, only wanting to listen to music as I had my earphones on all day long.
“Oh? Well, it doesn’t matter now.”
I opened the little piece of paper and saw that it was a message from my girlfriend, telling me to go with her behind the school as she wanted to talk with me. Bellow, another PS with Why are you not answering my messages?! and an angry face drawn beside it. I looked her way and observed that she was already staring at me, scoffing annoyed then turning away.
At least she’s the same.
I shortly grinned amused and after classes, while trying to get away from the heavy attention of the others, I was finally able to reach behind the school where she was waiting for me.
“Hey, it took you a while.”
“Sorry, I had to get away from… everyone.”
I smiled weakly at her posture with her arms crossed. Her frown then relaxed and a rather restless gaze appeared on her face as she looked right into my eyes. Not sure how to say it, she bit her lip then simply asked while looking away, glancing at me now and then.
“… Leon, what you think of our relationship as it is right now?”
“…”
Hearing her talk like this, I couldn’t help but feel my heart shattering for a moment as I knew exactly what she wanted to say. My shoulders fell from the weight I was feeling as I couldn’t help but feel abandoned.
“You… what are you trying to say?”
I asked dryly and she tried to evade eye contact while speaking.
“Leon, I… I think it’s better for the two of us to go our separate ways from now on…”
“Sigh…”
I couldn’t help but simply expect this, sighing out while trying not to cry once again. Rather, I felt like everything was just so funny, ridiculously funny at that.
“I simply don’t think we can work something out together. Besides, my parents also banned me from being with you from now on because of what happened. After all, wasn’t your father fighting gangsters? They fear that I might be a victim as well.”
Just get to the subject.
I sighed out once again and straightened my back, covering my face with both hands as I tried to hide my wide smile.
“Leon I… Are you laughing?”
“Huh? Well, a bit.”
“W-what’s so funny?”
Seeing my dead eyes and wide smile, she took a step back, thinking that I might have lost it. I then simply shook my head and shrugged my shoulders, remembering my father’s words.
“When it rains, it pours. I can’t help but laugh at how accurate those words were… and at how ridiculous my father is to ask me to hold onto hope…”
I then looked at her and made her flinch after she saw the depth in my eyes. Not beating around the bush, I asked directly,
“So… you want to break up?”
“… Yes.”
“I understand…”
“B-but we can still be-“
“-Friends? Wouldn’t that be the same if we’re talking about how dangerous it would be to stay with me?”
“…”
“Just… leave. Forget everything…”
“Leon-“
“Please…”
I breathed out while bending over to rest on my knees, mentally and physically exhausted as I just begged her to leave.
I’m tired… I’m sick and tired of all of this…! How long do I need to handle this? Do I really need to live like this from now on? I’m alone and no longer have anything of my own! Nobody is there for me… nobody will be… for me…
Not even able to focus at school, I waited for class to end so I could just go home. However, mid-breaks there were still many that were fed-up with my depressing state, ending up having some of my former mates now picking on me, pushing me around, or talking s*** behind my back.
“Come on, Leon! Since when did you turn in such a p****?! You did Karate just for fitness classes?!”
“Speaking of Karate, why haven’t you come to the dojo?”
“Leave me alone, I don’t want to fight anyone anymore… I didn’t learn Karate for that… As for why I haven’t come… I left the dojo.”
“W-why?!”
“No money. I need to find a job.”
“And as if anyone would take you in with that face, you misfortune-sponge.”
“Bah, f*** it. Let’s leave, guys.”
Nobody was inclined on understanding me and neither did they try to, leaving me one by one and leaving place for jeers and mockery to make its way towards me. For some reason, I couldn’t help but understand them. After all, what’s too bothersome, one tends to avoid.
After school, I went straight to my uncle’s home, having to go two times the distance from before, half the road having to walk on foot.
I don’t know for how long I’ll be able to take this… I feel like my heart is tearing apart. Why… just why is this happening to me? Have I done something I shouldn’t have? Just why?
Unanswered questions and confusion filled my mind and tore my chest. On my way home I couldn’t help but bite my lips to not cry again, the depression and sadness darkening my mind and breaking my heart slowly but surely.
