“Adela, strike him now!” The movements of her hand as she waved wand were as refined as a maestro in a classical orchestra. “Adela… stop staring, I’m embarrassed…”
-100 LIFE POINTS DUE TO A VICIOUS ATTACK OF MOE
“STUPID CHILDREN, HOW DARE YOU IGNORE ME?!” A woman with skin as white as snow levitated while snowflakes swirled around her.
“Adela, watch out!” My heroine’s scream reverberated inside of my head.
The snowflakes suddenly turned into fine powder that made me cough. Although I immediately covered my nose and mouth, I accidentally inhaled a little bit of the powder.
“Man titties! What are you writing about?!” As soon as that annoying voice entered my ears, I knew what was coming.
My head jerked forward as a stinging smack struck the back of my neck.
Though this is a daily occurrence, everyone laughs as if it’s something new and interesting.
I craned my neck and forced a smile onto my face. I then took a deep breath before making eye contact with my assailant. “Haha, just writing!”
Derrick has always been around me since elementary school. Making him my best friend. Really… my only friend. God, I hate him.
Derrick leaned back onto the desk in front of me before crossing his arms. “Why? If you’re never going to show anyone, then what’s the point?”
I would If I could you f****** Chad! “Haha, yeah… you know how it is?”
Derrick shrugs his shoulders. “Yeah.. So are you going to try out for the team this year?”
So that’s what he wanted. I forgot it was that time of year.
Every single year Derrick asks me the same question. Despite me being 250lbs and 6’3, I wasn’t blessed with any sort of athleticism. I’m not particularly fond of sports anyway, I’d rather read manga. But, my older brother Marcus, he’s a different story.
Derrick banged his hands on my desk, and he leaned forward with an angry look on his face. “Are you serious?! Our senior year is coming up! Do you know how f****** popular you would be?! How much p**** you could get?! Let alone a girlfriend, you’ve never had a b******?!”
I know that already, YOU F****** ASSHOLE!
Derrick is the captain of the football team, heartthrob, valedictorian (Which he doesn’t deserve because he cheats every chance he gets), and a bully! He’s everything that I despise! But… I’m still friends with him.
“Dude, I don’t know why you keep trying?” And the peanut gallery is here..
Derrick turned back to his ‘friends’ with a look of exasperation. “I just don’t understand why he won’t try out! Just look at how big he is! I wish I was that huge! You’re guaranteed a spot on the team bro! First string without a doubt! You’d probably be a right tackle! All you would have to do is stand there!”
I actually understand how to play football, and being a right tackle doesn’t just consist of just ‘standing there’ as they would have me believe. Though, I’ll never tell Derrick this because that’s all he’s going to want to talk about.
“Exactly!”
“Come on, just join!”
“What else do you have to do?!”
“I have a job…” As soon as these words left my mouth, Derrick and his friend’s looked at me as if to say ‘Really?’
“It’s Walmart bro…”
I know..
Derrick looked utterly confused, and pointed at me as if to say ‘look at this guy’ “Your dad would pay for everything if he found out you were playing.”
I’m sure he would, and Marcus is living proof of that. He’s been running track his whole life, and my mom and dad pay for everything that he wants. This applies to my little sister Jasmine as well. She isn’t gifted athletically, but she can play the piano. I’m not gifted with anything, so I have to make my own way.
The peanut gallery continued to try to entice me into joining our schools ‘Okay’ football team. While I continued making excuses. They finally relented when I told them I’ll think about it. It did the trick, but I still got a few ‘you always say that’ before they completely left me alone.
After school I have work, so I headed straight home to get ready for work. Since it’s the weekend, I can work more hours.
Good enough reason for me to get out of the house.
When I arrived at my house, I checked the mailbox. Before sighing to myself in relief, because my report card hasn’t come yet. It’s due any week now, and I plan to intercept it before my dad can get his hands on it. Despite all of this I know that my school is going to call him when they don’t get the report card back signed. So if my goal was for him not to find out, then I’d be f*****.
Fortunately it’s not. My goal is actually to save up as much of my money as possible. Once my dad finds out that I’m failing every class. He’ll either make me quit my job, or he’ll only allow me to work weekends. Hopefully it’s the latter since he hates quitters.
I got the mail, and walked through the front door. Per usual I was greeted by my dad watching football with a beer in his hand. “Hello, sir.”
I don’t want to talk to my dad. But, if I don’t acknowledge his presence when I enter ‘his home’ then he takes it as disrespect.
“What did I tell you to do before I left today?” I knew it was coming. Just by the way my dad was holding his beer.
I don’t know why my dad makes me greet him if he never returns my greeting. I guess that I should be used to it by now. This is how it’s always been.
“Take out the trash, clean the dishes.” I’m not a very loud person, but when I’m around my dad I raise my voice an octave. ‘Real men speak with authority and confidence.’
“So why didn’t you do it? Like usual my dad refuses to look away from the tv when football is on.
If you don’t answer him he’ll get mad. “I was running late for-”
“Boys make excuses, men get it done.” My dad uttered his favorite catch phrase in life before continuing to drink his beer.
I’m not surprised, he hates excuses.
I silently sat my dad’s mail on the kitchen table, took out the trash, and cleaned the dishes. Now I’m going to be late for work.
My dad has no flexibility to speak of, he probably doesn’t even know that’s a thing. That’s one of the reasons my mom got a divorce from him.
My mom moved to San Francisco and took my brother and sister along with her, where she got remarried to some jackass out there. Unfortunately I got the short end of the stick, staying with my dad in boring ass minnesota.
As soon as I got to work and clocked in. My manager came up to me and started yelling in my face while everyone watched. She said that if I’m late again, I’m going to be written up. This was all before I had to work returns. No one wants to work returns, literally NO ONE.
I got the usual, ‘I lost my receipt.’ ‘It was already broken.’ sob stories, etc. Until I got the one.
A chubby brunette woman cut in line, getting the ire of everyone behind her. But, she didn’t appear to care.
“Hello, miss, how can I help you today?” I forced the most friendly smile I could muster.
The woman returned my smile with a face that looked like she had just smelled a fresh pile of s***.
Believe me lady, I don’t want to be here either.
The woman slammed her fist on the counter. “I got this cake for my daughter’s birthday, and it has freezer burn! So give me my money back!”
I s*** you not, there was only a tiny slice left! And with how fat she is, I’m sure the daughter’s birthday thing is made up!
After hearing her excuse my brain short circuited for a moment. There was awkward silence as she continued to stare at me, becoming more and more agitated as the awkward seconds passed by.
The woman leaned into the counter, and her nostrils flared. “Well?!”
She’s…she’s actually serious?! I’m not being pranked?! Who the hell returns a single slice of cake?! How is she not embarrassed by the people snickering behind her?! Has she done this before?!
“W-well miss.. I-I can’t return…” Despite my size, I’m not good with conflict. I freeze up, my heart races, and I sweat uncontrollably in combative situations. The only reason I was never bullied is because of my size.
The woman’s eyes set ablaze, and she gasped as if I said the most offensive thing ever. “B*******! It has freezer burn! Give me my money back!”
I stammered a few more times, before being able to say what I needed to say. “Do-Do you… have a receipt?” My coworkers’ eyes filled with disgust as they turned to look at me.
So what?! I don’t need anyone’s approval! F*** you all! I don’t know why they make me work returns?! Is it because I’m big, and have a beard?! They probably thought people wouldn’t pull this type of s*** with me or something! Too bad for them that I’m a f****** coward!
The Woman starts flailing her arms dramatically. “What?! I don’t have a receipt, I paid with cash! Can’t you just scan it or something?! It was clearly bought from here!”
“Well, miss, if you don’t have a receipt, I can’t return-” Before I could finish speaking, she screamed at the top of her lungs to go get the manager.
She started to hurl insults my way, some of which I had never heard before. I tried to tell her that my manager would just tell her the exact same thing. But, she didn’t give a single f***, and continued screaming over me.
One of my coworkers, a five foot six, small and slim guy with brown hair. Told her to quiet down, and that she was bothering other customers. They got into a back and forth argument. While I just stood there in a daze. Eventually she threatened to have her husband come to Walmart to beat my coworker up after work. My coworker, in a calm voice, told her what time he got off from work and that he’d be waiting for her and her husband in the parking lot after work.
As the screaming match between the two started to get worse, a manager finally arrived.
He interrupted the two, and asked the woman what the problem was. The lady returning the cake immediately burst into tears, claiming my coworker threatened her. And that she just wanted to return her daughter’s birthday cake ‘that had freezer burn.’ My coworkers all rolled their eyes at that. But, my manager believed her, and returned the cake! All the while she wore a s*** eating grin behind those tears.
Our manager gave her an apology, chewed us out, gave her a refund, and a f****** gift card!
In what world…
Everyone besides the manager and the woman couldn’t believe it! My coworker who got into an argument with the lady flipped her and our manager off. He took off his vest, threw it on the ground, and proceeded to calmly walk away.
He’s a cool guy.. I wish I had the balls he has.
After work, I got in my car and took the long way home. Somehow I managed to avoid every traffic light until I got to an intersection a few blocks away from my home. I robotically stared at the traffic light, waiting for the signal to turn. The red light drowned out the lights of the city and the other drivers.
My chest started hurting, and my eyes were getting blurry. Slowly, my cheeks became wet with tears, while drool and snot hung down my face. I heard screaming, but it didn’t feel like it was coming from me. I knew the people driving next to me were watching, but I couldn’t stop and I didn’t care anyway. “F***!!!”
1, 2, 3. I repeatedly banged my head on the steering wheel, eventually losing track of my count. “FUCKKKK!!!”
In the midst of my screaming, I checked my phone. A few messages from my family and Derrick immediately popped up.
Derrick, just had a threesome with two cheerleaders, and was bragging to everyone he could. Marcus broke a record, and received a medal. My mom got a promotion at her new job. Jasmine had a standing ovation at her piano recital. Then there was my dad telling me to buy eggs and milk on the way back. And he wanted me to clean the dishes again because I did a ‘horrible job.’
Why?? Why does life constantly take a s*** on me? I work a job that I hate.. I fail in school no matter how hard I try… I’ve never had a girlfriend… And I’m stuck living with my dad… I’m stuck..
I hate it…I hate it…I hate it…I hate it…I hate it…I hate it…I hate it…I hate it…I hate it…I hate it…I hate it…I hate it…I hate it…I hate it…I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!
I F****** HATE IT!
Why can’t I be like Derrick?! Like Marcus?! Why can’t I live life in recruit mode?! Or cool?! Popular?! Or a girlfriend?! Or friends?! Anything?! Why can’t I be blessed with something?! If I just had that.. If..if I can’t have any of it.. Then what’s the point of even being here.. Why can’t I be someone else…
Brian slowly let his foot off the brake pedal, slowly edging his way into traffic. The other drivers tried to warn him by beeping their horns furiously. While Truck Sama made its way into the intersection, ready to take another life. Just like a deer in headlights, Brian finally noticed Truck Sama, but it was already over.
