I never expected Taehyung to do this. I thought he might feel it’s good that me and Yugyeom are distant. And why not? Whoever saw us at some point must have had the thought that we are a couple. After all, the bond that we shared was so special! Anyway now I had promised him to sort things out with my idiot brother, then I must do it. Also, for some stupid reason, I am having this constant feeling that I might not wake up tomorrow.
I looked at Yugyeom, he was looking out of the window. I was about to say something when he suddenly got up and went towards the window leaning on the window pane he asked me,
“Kookie, how many years it has been since we knew each other?” I was stunned at his question.
“Umm.. Well, you see, we are friends since our school days. So probably more than 15 years at least.” I replied to him.
“Yeah right.” He said sighing.
“Why are you sighing like older people?” I asked him,
“Well, when you have spent so much time together with a particular person, do you think it would be easy to say goodbye? Would it be easy to see them leave? Especially for your parents and me, it isn’t and not because it’s difficult, but because it’s the second time and we are going all over again, except in hyung’s case it was unexpected. But you, we know it all since you were a kid. Just that we never expected we would really have to do it.” He said and his every word cut through my heart like a double edged sword.
I went up to him and hugged him. He wasn’t expecting it. His body stiffened, but he was calm within seconds. He hugged me back. We stood like that for don’t know how long. I was gonna miss him and he will too.
“I am sorry. You know I don’t want to, but…” I stopped.
“I know. It’s okay.” He replied patting my back.
“So, why didn’t you play your video back then at Taehyung’s place?” I asked him catching him off guard.
“I.. Umm.. You knew it?” He asked stuttering.
“Why are you stuttering? Of course I knew it. You’re my brother, my only best friend. I know you more than I know own self.” I told him with a smile.
“Will you tell me what you said in it?” I requested him.
“Why not? I don’t want to regret later when you won’t be around.” He replied sadness laced his every word.
“Go on..” I told him.
“Jungkook-ah, I don’t really want you to leave, I don’t want to say good bye to yet another person closest to me. I love you. I will always do. We were are and will always be the best brothers ever. You coming into my life was a blessing for me. You gave me a family, not just the feeling, but an actual family. I got Mom, Dad, and because of you I also got a big brother. Mostly, I got a home I can call mine. Thanks alot for that.” His words now soothed my broken heart.
I watched him carefully as he said all those words. His paused a while and continued again.
“You know what, I was too hurt deep down when I just saw hyung breathing his last in front of him. I never told you, but I will today. Back then, when the doctors told us to prepare ourselves and talk to him, Mom Dad sent me in. At first, it all seemed very odd. But then I just went and sat besides him and holding his hand I only promised him that I would stay by your side always and fulfill my promise to him. Not even seconds after I said those words, his heart stopped beating. It was as if he waiting for an assurance that after he was gone, somebody would have his stupid brother’s back.” That hurt.
I knew never and probably would never knew if he didn’t tell me today. My heart pained to see my best friend having to face it all again. I now understood, his actions, they were all justified by this single truth. The only reason why he became so distant. My eyes filled with tears. I felt bad for him. Wish I could save him from this pain, wish I could live more and not die. But then again, I could only WISH!!!!!
“Hey, come sit here.” I patted the space besides me on the bed and he did come and sit.
After he sat, I laid my head on his lap and told him I wanted to rest a while. He agreed. I knew he was sad, I knew he hurt from inside, even though he was putting up a strong front. I knew there was lot that he wanted to say. I tried to sleep but, thinking about how he never had any friends other than me and hyung, he would be all alone. I wish he had someone who loved him just how much I loved Taehyung and he loved me back.
“Kookie, are you asleep? Kookie?” I heard him call me, but I pretended to be asleep.
“Alright, rest more.” He said again.
He adjusted my head by putting a pillow under my head on his lap and patted my head, just like how hyung did whenever I was pain or felt sick.
“Kookie, what would you feel if I told that I…..” He stopped.
Wait, wait!! What was it? Why did he stop? Say something now…. I wasn’t ready for what he confessed later..
“Anyways you’re asleep. That’s nice. I.. really can’t imagine leaving without you. When hyung left, I still had you. After you leave, I got no one buddy. The reason, why I never wanted to love anybody was at some point, I might have to chose between you and that person. And I never wanted to face it, because doing it would hurt either person. And as much as you and I know myself, we know that I would chose you always. I know I am childish, whining like a kid. But say whatever you may, you can’t deny the fact, that I am the best you ever had- a brother and a friend.” And he cried.
That was the hardest moment of my life. It was my first time to successfully hold back my tears and pain from showing on my face. He would feel betrayed and I didn’t want to do that. Somebody knocked on the door.
“Jungkookie, food is ready love.” It was Mom.
“He’s asleep. I thought it would be okay to let him sleep.” Yugyeom told Mom.
“Yeah, you did great. Yugyeom, you still have your parents okay? I mean.. I just wanted to remind you in case you feel you have lost everything.” My Mom said and she went away closing the door behind her.
“I know….” Yugyeom whispered.
A tear made way through my eyes and yes, he caught me…
“… since Mom started, you still have them…” I told him before he asked and ran downstairs. He came after me.