One of your company’s clients is a pop star with a 50,000-square-foot mansion in Holmby Hills. She probably doesn’t remember you, but her estate manager owes you one. After all, you helped source the matching Japanese toilets for every single one of the pop star’s thirty-six bathrooms and half-baths.
“Hi, Victor,” you say when he picks up. “How are your cortisol levels today?”
Victor groans. The urinalysis function is the main selling point of the Toto Intelligence Toilet II. It tracks everything from stress levels to pregnancy hormones, then transmits its data by Wi-Fi to the user’s computer.
“We’re facing a little lawsuit over privacy issues with the guesthouse toilets,” Victor admits. “Not your fault, though. What can I do for you?”
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“I was hoping your boss could loan us the Robinson R66 for the evening,” you say. “I’ve got someone stuck down at the Oceanea Resort, and I need to get them to the Getty Center, ideally about ten minutes ago.”
There’s a pregnant pause. “How the hell did you get into that jam?” Victor asks.
A chuckle.
“Okay, I can set you up,” says Victor. “But I’m going to need to bill you for fuel, plus pilot time and a half.”
