Author’s Note:[My] past was finally revealed. It was roughly the time for explanation. Please read it without hesitation. Actually, I wanted to write more episodes related to this, but it might threaten the main story, so I settled with just a reminiscent talk.
After putting on the shirt, I crawled out of the bed. The bed was excessively large. Just how many people will fit sleeping in this bed? Was this bed built under the premise of being used by several people? Despite being so young, this blonde-haired man seemed to have a rather good social position! So I thought in a strange tension.
The inside of my head was going round and round. I had no perception of the time. Yesterday? Last night? I returned to the hotel after having a dinner with the person that person called as [greenhorn]. That person was there at the lobby. Since I knew that he was silently furious, I wished I could take it back (it was too late by then), and we entered the room. Then,
(I was taken in such a messy way)
Since I was a late bloomer, my sexual experience was only with him. Furthermore, it was only half a year ago that my feeling was returned for the first time and to experience being embraced. It had been two years since we first knew each other. Perhaps since I was originally lacking in femininity, even if my feelings got through, I couldn’t understand how I should act after that. I wonder if it’s thoughtless of me to invite him out when he’s busy? Is it fine for me to send him some mails? Is he annoyed at me? While I was thinking of such things, half a year passed without us having sex for the second time nor did we have any pure date.
(Even so, I wonder if he was jealous? Or was he demonstrating his ownership rights?)
The man that that person called [greenhorn] was certainly younger than that person, so it wasn’t incorrect to call him that (T/N: Original Japanese text can also mean ‘youngster’), but it wasn’t like he was that young.
If I’m not mistaken, I was told that he’d turn thirty years old this year. He was a fencing Olympic athlete, a man with an esteemed ability and good look. I came to know that man when I encountered a fatal incident at work, when my heart was broken, and during when I was wandering in a resort famous for its deep blue sea and for being a world heritage.
Being a natural playboy, he invited me out, but I was too grief-stricken at that time so I refused. When I did so, it was obvious that he had never been refused up until that time. On the contrary, he thought that it was interesting, so afterward, he took me out to eat, to go for a drive under the name of solitary journey, and he took me around 70% of the time when I was planning to just stay in the hotel.
I didn’t think that he had an ulterior motive. There was a tendency in his national traits to think that it was considered polite to try to make advances on a woman who was alone. But, to me who was on the brink of my grief due to all the complicated circumstances such as how awkward I was with men and how I wanted so hard not to trouble my partner, I was certain that this sophisticated man was being upright with me.
Since he was also a celebrity in the world of sports, I—who was with him—also became a target, and from there, I was apparently misunderstood by that person. Certainly, I was careless. But, I wonder if that person and I were that connected to the extent that I was raped without even having a proper dialogue? Even the mails I timidly sent, they were ignored once or twice, and even when there was a reply, it was only a word or two. I was always trying to guess others’ emotion based on their facial expressions. So that I won’t be hated, so that I wouldn’t be looked down on.
What I somewhat knew was that that person was also examining my facial expressions (before doing it, and when I said those things). It seemed that I didn’t quite have the zest for love affairs. That was how I missed my timing for the second time. It was such a bad judgment that I cried.
I couldn’t say that the reason I—a top-rank mercenary soldier—couldn’t even give a decent resistance at that time was because I was too disappointed by the bad judgment from the person I loved. Well, he was my superior and also an elite soldier, so let alone the skills, I would still lose anyhow even if we only considered our strength.
I was thinking incessantly even as I was crawling out of the bed on all fours.
(Then, after I was done being “eaten”, being taken care of, and fell asleep… I woke up here, but where is this?)
After finally reaching the edge of the bed, I sat on the floor as I grasped my knees, only wearing that blonde-haired beauty’s shirt. My body fit the shirt, but its length was lacking because it was supposed to be worn as a [shirt], so some of my subtle spots and more than half of my legs could be seen. I didn’t plan on pretending to be naive, but it would be strange to show off to someone that I met for the first time. Even if it was after I was seen naked by him. It was a woman’s modesty.
I looked at the blonde-haired beauty once again.
Dazzling blonde hair. Well-featured face. Because he lent me his shirt, he seemed to casually put on the lap blanket that was on the sofa. But even so, it looked brilliant like a stage costume.
“Who are you? Why are you here? You don’t seem to be a spy or an assassin.”
“Why did you assert that?”
I involuntarily asked back.
I may seem obstinate, but I’m a soldier. Or I was, I guess. Even so, I felt like it was more suitable for me to be called as a spy or assassin as I had thrown myself into a lot of guerrilla warfare. I felt somewhat sad being asserted as not being a spy nor assassin. Even if I wished to turn over a new leaf… Such a complicated mental state.
“Well, a spy or assassin wouldn’t attack me while being nude, right? I’d understand if you used seductive measures, but…”
That’s right. I’m stark naked, huh? Pardon my impoliteness.
The blonde-haired beauty chuckled.
“And after coming in order to seduce, you wouldn’t fall sound asleep before the target appeared.”
“Anyway, shall we have you reveal yourself? Whose person are you? What’s your name?”
The amber pupils sharply glittered.
Since I didn’t want to end this chapter with just explanation, I made the duke appear again.
Hurray to the beauty! It’s only the beginning. He will be making an appearance a lot.
Thank you very much for reading.