It doesn’t matter how her mental quality was before, be it high or strong, when she had to face a comrade she knew being killed in the same combat she was, the large impact caused by that wasn’t a singular one. Instead, it came in waves!
After every operation, specialized psychologists will come and enlighten the soldiers who had finished their first mission to prevent them from having psychological trauma that cannot be healed.
Ye Jian was a soldier who had participated in multiple operations, but she had never encountered a situation where someone she knew had died. If she really didn’t bring it up, Xia Jinyuan wouldn’t feel reassured because of that. Instead, he would grow more worried.
Right now, he only mentioned the fallen comrade after the fog between her brows were gone. His purpose was to make her stop suppressing her own heart, and with her healthiest side, her most stalwart side, and her own perseverance to overcome the multiple waves of impacts the death of her comrade had brought her,
Psychological trauma absolutely mustn’t be left behind; it was necessary for her to face it head-on!
Xia Jinyuan’s gaze landed on Ye Jian’s face like the warm sun after the snow; the gentle expression on his handsome face didn’t even shift when mentioning “fallen comrade.”
However, his voice carried a sternness of someone proficient in warfare, directly piercing into the bloody memory that Ye Jian did not want to remember right now.
Ye Jian’s pupils narrowed minutely as she pursed her lips, her gaze chilly as she looked at the man who didn’t allow her to evade the topic; after a while, she smiled bitterly: “Captain Xia, I just need a little bit more time. From what I remember, he was still talking to me bashfully at noon, and he was forever gone from this life in the afternoon.”
“I’ve always thought I had participated in multiple operations and had also faced death head-on, and I even believed my attitude towards death would be nothing but calm. But when I saw a comrade that I knew had fallen, my heart…” Ye Jian slowed down to a stop, after letting out a long sigh, she quietly said in a heavy tone: “I can’t describe the feeling, sadness, rage, tears… all of them piled up together, and there was also a suffocating feeling that I can’t begin to describe.”
“I also wanted to talk about it, but the more I want to do that, the more I can’t figure out where to begin. I understand that when the military uniform is worn, death will be everywhere, and it’s also possible for you to be the next one. Captain Xia, I understand all this, but no matter how much I understand this, I still feel sad.”
Xia Jinyuan put both hands on her shoulders; he spoke with a low voice and a chilly tone that did not allow her to refuse: “Look at me, Ye Jian, lift your chin, and look at me with your eyes. Look at me properly, and pay attention to what I’m about to say.”
There was a very gentle corner inside the depths of her heart, and this spot was the place that belonged to her comrades; this Ye Jian can be fearless against her own death, but she was unwilling to see her comrades die.
“What is the meaning of sacrifice? It’s to protect, using our lives to protect our motherland, using our lives to defend the peace of our nation. You’ve seen his sacrifice, but you must also remember why there are sacrifices! That’s because of the existence of evil!”
“There’s too much evil, too much war, too much suffering in this world, and our existence is to use our lives to eliminate the evil that hurts our country! If I died one day, Ye Jian, the gun in your hands, the bullets you have fired, the evil that you have hit will be the best offering for the fallen heroes!”
“You’re feeling sad for the fallen heroes, not because you aren’t tough enough, because you’re a living, breathing human, someone who has blood, flesh, and thoughts; anger, sadness, tears, sorrow, these are emotions that we were born with, we can’t get rid of them completely.”
