※Gilbert’s POV. Caution: Excessive sugar content!!
People who say “You burn for something that is not easily obtained” are mostly in a privileged position. To put it simply, it is said that “most things are obtained without hardship”. If you find something that you cannot obtain, you happily chase after it.
……But as soon as they obtain it, they would even ignore it. People who say that are enjoying the process of obtaining it and they do not have much interest in “the thing itself”.
Speaking of what I am trying to say, I thought that I am one of those humans, until now. Really, just until the other day.
A certain amount of things was easily obtained, and when I exert a little effort, I obtain something. Perhaps it was because ordinary people will not get it even in their lifetime. But I can get it with “some hardship”.
Even though I’m saying it myself, it will appear like a perspective of a blessed man.
I will not reject things that come my way, nor will I run after the things that I left behind. Be it things or people, I haven’t seriously thought of them as something important.
But the other day, I decided to change my mind.
No, I will continue to change the presently progressive and shallow idea.
* * *
“……Uhm, Gilbert-senpai?”
“Hmm?”
“It’s a little ticklish.”
Murmuring those words in a whispering voice that seemed to have vanished now, it was the girl who fits snugly in my arms. Her soft hair felt nice and I instinctively ran kisses on it. Even though she is moving a bit, she really didn’t run away.
Meryl Foster. A girl four years younger than I, we got acquainted with each other due to the circumstances of the Kralvane family. Slightly petite and delicate, she is a girl whose figure is still developing, an appearance that can never be called a beautiful woman. But for me, an irresistibly cute woman is very important.
In a circumstance that can only be called as selfishness, my way of dealing with it was the worst and she probably hated me from the bottom of her heart. That’s why, she, who is entrusting her body to me right now, is truly pleasing and lovely. I didn’t know that the act of just being in touch with each other like this makes me so happy.
……Well so far, this woman is amusing, though.
Until I met Meryl, I have been dating several women compared to those who are the same age as me. But I could not do such things with those women. If I hug them, they would ask, “Are you aroused?” and immediately lead me to bed.
When I think about it now, it is a funny story. Why did they directly connect sex with a man? Well, it is certain that there is such strong desire for those women. Perhaps I thought that I was unequaled. When I slept with someone at least once, it proved that I was the one who made the act troublesome.
Thanks to such experiences, I also made Meryl feel disgusted. If my wish could come true, I want to start over again that first day we met.
“……Senpai?”
Perhaps getting curious at my silence, Meryl’s green eyes stared at me, looking anxiously. She doesn’t know that the direction is always upward due to the height difference. She is cute enough for me to monopolize and take her somewhere.
“Nothing. I just thought this feels good.”
“Is, is that so?”
Frankly speaking, her ears are blushing fierily and she buried her face again on my chest. The fast beating of her heart, the fresh scent of her hair, everything about her is cute and lovely. Really, if I take her captive like this, how……
“Oh, the first bell is ringing.”
“………”
But happy times are always short. I wanted to say I’d rather skip classes, but aside from the fact that I’m graduating, I cannot keep on troubling Meryl who is still in the elementary course.
While resenting the temporarily ringing bell, I let go of her slowly. I wonder if Meryl felt relieved for a while. Am I the only one who feels comforted by the warmth of our connected, slender fingers?
I firmly closed my mouth to prevent a sigh from escaping and walked towards the second year classroom. This hallway corridor that was ought to be excessively spacious is strangely short at times like this.
“Gilbert-senpai.”
Then, in front of the door she passed through, the cute girl looked back.
“Do you want to go home together today? If you don’t have things to do, that is.”
“I don’t have anything to do. Even if there is, I will refuse them all.”
When I replied with spinal-reflex promptness to her unexpected invitation, she was a little surprised and, like a flower blooming, gave me a beautiful smile.
“Uhm… Then, see you after school.”
I stared at her from the time she disappeared into the classroom with flushed cheeks until when the first class was about to start. She declared it. Perhaps, I’m already not controlling myself from breaking into a smile.
I was really stupid until the other day. “You won’t need it once you obtained it” is absolutely a lie. The warmth that remained in my hands, her little shy smile, everything about her is brilliant and irresistibly lovely. It is impossible to let go of her. Just thinking about separating makes me cry.
I want to stay by her side. I want to be kind to her. I want to cherish her. Why or how, I do not care about such things, for this is what my heart is lacking. Even if this doesn’t go well, even if I won’t become happy, it won’t be due to the social standing of my family or my appearance.
Because what I lack does not remain in my hands.
“……I don’t want to make a mistake with Meryl.”
Just saying her name makes my chest become warm. I do not want to make such a failure this time. There is a huge pile of what to do and what not to do. But I feel comfortable even with those things, so I am probably a very happy person.
“Meryl.”
I wish it was right next to her.
All right, I’ll do my best for the rest of the lessons while looking forward to after school.
