The time is after Chapter 20, after parting with Meryl. Dormitory roommate, Elliot’s point of view.

Ah, it became troublesome.

That’s what I thought at first when there was, I think, a cold man in front of me when I opened the door of my room.

It was the familiar dormitory room that I come home to after class. Of the two side-by-side beds, the one that isn’t mine was bulging. I wonder if “Is he already tired when he hasn’t eaten dinner yet?” is a good reason. Even though he likes cleanliness, I know that he doesn’t enter his futon unless he has taken a bath.

As I approached the bed, a bad premonition hit me as I expected. Even though my roommate is the most prominent or the second most prominent in class, he is rolled into a ball, hugging a pillow. Just like a puppy or something small, to the extent that I cannot imagine the size of the body. It’s strange, since Gilbert Kralvane is the type of man that sleeps on his back.

I sighed and strengthened my resolve. I’m not good at talking about love affairs but if I ignore him, then I’m really a heartless person.

“……Did something happen with Ms. Meryl?”

I intended to listen as normally as possible, but maybe it was a lower voice than usual. Gil, who raised his face from the pillow, only murmured a “Welcome back” with a weak appearance, as if he was about to weep.

……How to say this? Even though he is a deviant, he is not a hateful man.

*    *    *

Tens of minutes after that.

While taking supper properly, I asked about what happened to them today in detail as much as possible. Although he grumbled little by little, he told me and listened to my opinions from time to time as the story progressed. Perhaps, he had wanted to consult me for a long time.

The pillow that he won’t release while talking was perhaps her substitute. To the point that my roommate became dim-witted because of this woman, he became completely clumsy towards the one he desires.  What kind of person is she?

Before long, Gil briefly narrated to me the story and buried his face on the pillow while calling her name. Although his actions make me want to doubt if it’s really him, this is also one aspect of him. Should I consider these new facts I knew in our sixth year as good or bad? Well, I guess I was trusted.

“I don’t want to……”


While I was thinking what to reply to him, he mumbled again in a muffled voice. The words I heard, were they . . . “I don’t want to be separated.”?

Only allowed on

“…Duke instructed me. If it becomes painful… immediately separate.”

“Well, that’s normal. Anyone wouldn’t want to be with a person if it’s painful.”

“I know. I also don’t want Meryl to feel bad. But……”

A sound of rubbing fabric was heard. With an adult’s restraint as he embraced with his full strength, he looks like a child.

“I don’t want to be separated from Meryl. I still want to stay by her side.”

Every single word he said was sincere. I cannot see his buried face, but I think he is crying. Ah, really. Is this heavy or troublesome?

……This is a serious illness.

I exhaled all the air inside me and stared at my roommate who seemed to have merged with the pillow. Although this would sound somewhat severe, it would be best for him to tell him this.

“Then let me ask you, Gil. What is she to you?”

With the same words she asked him, interestingly his shoulders shook.

“Should I rephrase it? ‘For what intention’ is she to you? What do want for the two of you to become?”


He raised his face slowly. Although his sticking bangs and listlessness is that of an adult, his facial expression is like that of a child who was scolded by his parents. Unstable and undeveloped. That’s why I want him to grow in this case.

“If you let me say this in a third person’s point of view, what she said was right. You were just having lunch together, but being caught in danger with strange people… I am also very sorry.”


“But you say you still want to stay by her side. It depresses you to say that you want to stay by her side. Why?”


Gil’s golden eyes slowly looked down, sinking into silence. The answer is simple. It’s because she is someone who he really favors. Because he is in love. Anyone would know that. Gil wants Ms. Meryl to be his “real lover” so he feels down.

However, even if I say it normally, he won’t believe it.

With the “reasons” presented before, even if he says it normally, it will not be conveyed to her. On the contrary, if he keeps on persuading her well, she will take it as a strong persuasion and still won’t believe it. In order to have her believe, I will not tell unless he puts his feelings properly in his words.

Much less with this man. He is somewhat out of sync with other people, and he has no good memories in a relationship with what is called a “lover” in the first place. I’m sure it is difficult for him to put his feelings with in his words and say it.

……No, it could also be that he does not realize that he is really in love.

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“You skipped the basics. You got too accustomed to the application, right?”

I can’t say that it was because he was born with a position, but I felt a little sorry. When I lightly patted his back, he buried his face again in the pillow while nodding.

“I think that it is better not to see her until your answer is properly conveyed to her. Because you will need time to think.”

“………I understand.”

Returning his acknowledgement after a long time, he said it in a half-crying voice this time.

Ah, really. I’m not good at talking about love and it is troublesome.

Still, I wonder if I was able to help Gil on his “first love”.

While stroking the back of this big built man, I breathed out a sigh for myself who cannot bear to be heartless.

With a problem that most people should not have, the evening quietly passed.

- my thoughts:
Author’s note: It was a scene in a surreal male dormitory, where a man with a height of 180 cm or more held a pillow and rolled into a ball. Elliot’s advice was not asked, but it depends on him whether to proceed or not next time. Translator's notes: I think it means, Elliot’s advice was not asked by Gil, but it depends on this advice whether Gil would proceed or not next time.
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