It was spring, warmth, love.
The meetings of Anna and Kai were short, her parents kept track of her schedule for returning home, so they could only be together on the way to the ballet school or back or when she was sent to the store. But their longest meetings were when she was sent with food to visit her aunt, who lived on the other side of the block. Then they could afford an hour to walk in the park or go to the movies.
Although Kai had already slept with girls by that time, now with her he felt as chaste and innocent as she did.
A week later, she allowed him to hold her hand on walks in the park and it was when no one was around. A month later, Kai timidly touched her lips with a kiss. It was just a touch and nothing more. But they didn’t need it anymore. They were happy together, youth and the feeling of something joyful and beautiful overwhelmed them. How happy he was then.
Seeing strange changes in his friend, Prokhor, having caught him in the apartment, dragged him into his office and, closing the door so that no one could hear, asked point-blank:
“Have you fallen in love?” seeing Kai’s shining eyes, he already understood everything. “Have you slept with her already?”
A wild fright was reflected on Kai’s face as if Prokhor had touched the shrine – it was impossible to think about that, let alone do.
For Prokhor, the concept of such love in which his friend was now, did not exist. He stepped over it, considering it superfluous in his life. He moved early to physiological relationships with women. Therefore, all his understanding of “love” for a woman had to end with a bed, and the faster, the better, accordingly, this love was. But now, seeing from day to day Kai “fluttering” over the ground, he began to think that he might have missed something in his life because he did not have the state in which his friend was now.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend,” Prokhor was embarrassed because of his words, seeing Kai’s eyes. “Well, in short, I’m glad for you, friend! Is she beautiful?”
Kai relented, accepting his friend’s apology, and as always, sincerely shared with him what was happening in his life. He told about her, about their meetings, plans, and dreams.
Prokhor only chuckled to himself, realizing that in these plans of theirs the bed was not envisaged at all for the near future.
“Well! The main thing is that my friend is happy! ” – he thought to himself after listening to his story.
Yes, Kai “was flying” above the ground. Love inspired him and painted his life and the world around him with bright colors. He stopped noticing everything that was happening around him. He stopped noticing that Prokhor’s “affairs” were becoming more and more serious. Prokhor got involved with drugs, or rather, with their sale. Older guys from another band approached him and offered to work together, giving him part of the sales for his control.
More substantial money began to appear in their gang than before.
Kai was always with him, everywhere and in everything. Rumors began to circulate about Kai, or rather, about who was Prokhor’s right hand. His incredible fighting ability, his fearlessness, and recklessness made him a hero in stories. Therefore, when meeting with other gangs, they always looked at him intently, as if trying to make sure it was true – did this flimsy teenager put everyone in a fight?
But he did not notice anything: neither the acts that Prokhor began to commit nor his own rapidly spreading fame in his circle. For him, only his spring was important, the blossoming of the gardens and the snowfall of cherry petals that swirled around them.
He felt the heat of her lips on his own when he dared to touch them with a real kiss …
***
Kai woke up, still feeling her lips on his ones. This was a dream; this was just a dream. But what a real one! He was there now with her in their cherry orchard, he felt the petals of falling flowers in his hand, which he removed from her hair, he felt now her lips, which he barely touched then. But this was just a dream …
Around him the desert stretched, the sun was at its zenith.
“Gotta go get a drink,” he thought.
It was clearly the heat that created such clear images in his mind from his memories. Even sitting in the shadow of the plane, he was surrounded by the hot, scorching desert air. It was even worse inside the plane, but, bearing the incredible stuffiness of the cabin, he made his way to the water supplies.
“How strange,” thought Kai, looking at the supplies of food and water that he found on the plane, conducting a thorough inspection of everything he got. “There is so much water and food that I will not die right away. I am given time to live still. But why? Maybe in order to remember all my such a short but bright life? Maybe … But I am definitely given time … “
Time. How long had he been here?
He didn’t put notches on the plane. On the first day, thinking about it, he smiled. How stupid it was to pretend to be Robinson Crusoe and put notches about the days being lived. Why did he need this information – how long was he here? What would this affect? Who cared about it? He? Nothing mattered to him now.
Coming out of the plane, he found a shadow under its side and sat down on the sand.
Kai bent down, taking the sand in his palm, which began to flow in golden streams through his fingers. The hourglass of the desert began its countdown to his days. How many more is he destined to see this world? Known only to those who look at him from the blue of the sky. So why then should he think about the days he lived here. They were given to him – and he lives. He just lives by looking at the flowing sand and breathing in its heat.
Gradually, everything began to move in his mind again – the desert, its heat, and the brightness of golden sand blinding the eyes. He closed his eyes and began to fall into a dream that was so distinctly real …
It was Moscow, summer Moscow with watering machines passing by. He smelled of the freshness of poured asphalt and wet foliage. He inhaled deeply.
“Oh, how good!”
Leaning against the side of the plane, a young man was sitting on the sand, his eyes were closed, he seemed to be asleep. His face was calm, now he was far, far away. Nothing bothered him, neither the haze of hot air nor the snakes crawling past him.
***
In the early Moscow morning, Kai returned home after another “affair” with Prokhor. They succeeded as usual. Prokhor was pleased. He wanted to throw another party today – they had made good money on this business. Kai promised to be there in the evening, but now he had to return home to “be noted” by his presence. Well, today he had a lot of classes with teachers.
Having quietly “leaked” into the parental home, he was caught by his father, who was waiting for his return, who, pointing to the side of his study, said that there was a serious conversation.
The conversation between them was really serious. His father told him that Kai was going to be sent to a military training camp for his peers for the whole summer.
Because of this news, his whole life just collapsed in on itself.
“Why? Why are they doing this to him? After all, they haven’t even asked him about his desire, whether he wants to go there? And his life? Anna – their meetings? Their love? But why are they doing this to him?”
He heard about the prospects for his stay in this camp and that this society would be to his benefit. Father was “enraged” by this unwillingness to obey him, the complete absence of any discipline. As a hereditary military man, he generally did not understand how one could live without discipline, how one could live the way his son lived now. And he found a way out – this was the complete isolation of his son from his friends, who obviously had a bad influence on him. And the most important thing was training him for the right life, and the right life was military discipline.
Father’s friends secured a unique opportunity for his youngest son to get into a closed camp for teenagers and young men for the whole summer, who then planned to link their lives with the army. Everything in this camp was real – like in the army: living in a barracks, marching, training, familiarization with the types of weapons, even training parachute jumps!
The father told his son about all this with delight.
Kai tried to object, tried to explain, but his father did not want to listen to him. He would be sent out tomorrow, early in the morning. The only thing Kai got was permission to go and say goodbye to his friends that day. Although his father did not want to allow him to do this either, seeing his son’s eyes burning with genuine anger, he decided that he would not “go too far” now in relations with him. He felt that his son, growing up, was less and less amenable to his control, and this made him even more irritated towards his son.
Leaving the parental home, Kai went to her, His Anna. She was now at home, but perhaps she would go to the store. She talked about it yesterday. That meant he would wait, would wait at her entrance until she left. And he would tell her … What would he say? That their dreams, plans, thoughts were all crossed out?! That his life didn’t belong to him?! And they, as soon as they found the joy of communicating with each other, needed to part. But this was only for the summer … for the summer they had planned to spend together! After all, now she had no classes at school, and they could be more together. Her parents did not have a summer house, and therefore she spent the whole summer in Moscow, and since her parents worked, the day was completely at her disposal.
Oh, how much they had planned in total: where they would go, what exhibitions, museums, in what parks they would walk. How many in total!
He sighed, sitting on a bench not far from her entrance, in order to visually keep him under control and not miss her appearance.
Then there was his explanation with her. He saw the tears in her eyes. Then for the first time, he felt so painful – this feeling of parting with a loved one, this dreary, aching pain in the soul and the realization that he was not able to change anything. Then there was a quick, stealthy kiss in the dark entrance, and their hands parted, leaving only the warmth of each other’s fingers. Then Kai knew that this was the end. It was the end of his first love, but he drove these thoughts away from himself, he wanted to believe that everything would continue and they would be happy!
***
Prokhor immediately understood by the look of his friend that something had happened, and it was clear – again a conflict with his folks. He was already used to this, but he could not help his friend in any way, he only listened to him carefully.
“Let’s go, bro, let’s talk!” Prokhor hugged him by the shoulders and led him into his office. “Well, now what? As I understand it, the parents rasp your nerves again?”
Kai was sitting on the sofa, Prokhor stood opposite him, trying to light a cigarette. He also lit a cigarette and began to talk about what awaited him, starting from tomorrow morning.
“Yeah,” pointedly drawled Prokhor, after his story. And he lit another cigarette. “Can you run away from them? Now we have money, we will rent an apartment for you, you will begin to live normally – as you want.”
“I can’t, my mother has a diseased heart, she will not survive it, and I will not forgive myself if something happens to her because of me.”
“I understand,” said Prokhor sadly. “Well, it’s just for the summer. Don’t think that I’m glad. No, I’m just trying to persuade myself … the summer will pass quickly, and you will return to us.”
“Yes, I’ll be back.”
Prokhor was very hard from such news and from the understanding that he could do nothing to help his friend. After talking with him about this bad luck in his life, he transferred the topic to a more positive one – he offered to forget everything and have fun. Moreover, today for the evening they already had a party. And now there was one more reason – they needed to dignifiedly say goodbye to a friend who was awaiting a summer “imprisonment”, as Prokhor sadly called his military camp.
The guys, having learned about this, were at first discouraged, but then they also decided that three months would fly by quickly, but now they needed to organize a memorable send-off.
Indeed, it became a memorable send-off.
They went to a restaurant, where they sat nicely, not limiting themselves in anything. Then we went to the “rooms”, that is, to an expensive closed brothel. There they also had a full blast.
At first, Kai did not want girls, the memories of Anna were too painful, but then Prokhor’s sound voice that he would have to jerk off all three months persuaded him to use the opportunity to sleep with a girl now.
And Kai ran off the rails. How many girls there were, he no longer remembers. It’s good that before the start of this fun, he told Prokhor where and what time he should be tomorrow – where was the gathering place for those leaving for the camp.
Prokhor, as an elder and responsible for a friend, though he drank, still kept everything under control and, moreover, Kai. When his friend got totally plastered, he carefully laid him on the sofa, and early in the morning loaded him into the car to take him to the place.
On the way, Prokhor gave him mineral water, they stopped several times – Kai felt sick.
They arrived at the gathering place of the summer squadron on time with a green, vomiting Kai, who was shaking because he was hungover, and besides he vaguely remembered who he was and why he was here.
Prokhor once again tried to give him a proper image, washing him from a bottle with water and straightened his clothes.
Their expensive bandit-looking cars were parked not far away, attracting the attention of all the well-bred adults who were seeing off their well-bred children. They got out of the cars, everyone hugged Kai, gave him vulgar parting words, and then Prokhor pushed him towards the buses.
His father, mother, and two elder brothers were standing there. Seeing their faces, Kai sobered up. Although he walked with an uncertain, staggering gait, he was already shaking not being hungover, but from the way, they looked at him.
“I did the right thing, that decided everything for our son,” his father said to mother with disgust, looking at him. “Now you understand my rightness!”
Mom made an effort on herself, quickly hugged her son.
“Go, son, being there will do you good,” then she walked away from him, as it seemed to him, too hastily.
“Dad, you’re completely right, he’s a disgrace to our family,” his elder brother said, looking through him.
“Come on, I’ll take you to your commander. I hope you don’t bring shame on the family there,” the father turned Kai around and took him to the side of the buses.
Kai realized that his brothers would not even say goodbye to him. He only felt their contemptuous glances on himself.
“Vasily Petrovich, here is my son,” said the father, leading him to a formidable man of about forty. “As we have agreed with you – no indulgences. The teenager is difficult. Upbringing is required.”
Vasily Petrovich quickly examined Kai professionally, understood the essence of his pale green state, felt the smell of alcohol and cigarettes from him.
“Zatsepa,” Vasily Petrovich shouted without taking his eyes off him. “Take him, this is the one you’ve been warned about. Search him – and into the bus,” with these words he lost interest in Kai and began to talk to his father.
Zatsepa, standing next to him, the goon paratrooper, grabbed him by the shoulder and roughly began to push him towards the buses.
Kai thought that he should probably say goodbye to his father, but realized that his father was carried away by the conversation and had already forgotten about him.
Now he suddenly didn’t care. A dull indifference began to envelop him. He allowed being pushed to the side of the bus and Zatsepa to search pockets from which husky guy took out cigarettes, a lighter, documents, and the condoms stuffed there by the bros. Then Zatsepa roughly shoved him into the bus, where he pushed him into an empty seat. He plopped into it and closed his eyes. It was a dull indifference. He did not care. The bus started to move.
Prokhor and the guys saw how relatives treated Kai, but they were just standing there, realizing that they could do nothing to help him. Prokhor clenched his fists and stared into the distance for a long time to the leaving buses, in one of which there was his friend, for whom from that day his carefree life ended.
***
Kai woke up with chills. It was dark, there were only stars overhead. Night fell in the desert. It was necessary to find the strength and move deep into the plane. It was warm there. It kept the heat accumulated on a hot day all night long. He also needed to eat. It’s good that he didn’t even need to heat canned food. They had already heated up during the day and were warm now.
He groped for the tin in the darkness and with it moved to the door, there was light from the night sky. He didn’t feel like eating, but he needed to eat. But why? To prolong life here, in this desert, under this starry sky. To remember what he later forgot, about which he had no time to remember in a series of endless events in his life. But now he has a whole desert of time, and he can remember it …
The buses took a long time. All this time he slept. His neighbor next to him, apparently, also had well celebrated the farewell and also was sleeping. The rest were noisy, jumping around the cabin, bawling songs. This did not bother Kai. One thing made him happy: that he had cleared all the contents of his stomach earlier and now he did not longer vomit – only nauseated, but without consequences, the buses stopped only at clearly planned stops and no one promised to brake at the request of disenfranchised passengers.
They were brought to the place. It was a closed camp near Moscow, more like an area with a fence with barbed wire and a checkpoint at the entrance.
They were all taken out of the buses, lined up in an uneven line, and distributed to the barracks. Each group was assigned their own senior, who first led them to be put into proper form, as Zatsepa had said.
Since this was a camp for children from families of senior command personnel, everything was not poor here, as Kai noticed, seeing the barracks and the general situation around. They didn’t even have to take anything with them. Everything was issued by the state, from linen and clothes to personal hygiene items such as alike toothbrushes, shaving sets, and bath accessories.
There were five other guys in Kai’s group about his age. Their commander was Klin, as he called himself, and told them to address him that way.
First, they were taken to a hairdresser. Everyone quieted down, none of the guys was eager to be shaved on a bald head, but it turned out that it was still not an army, but just a summer camp, so they shaved their bald heads only at will, otherwise, they cut their hair down to a decent length and made proper haircuts …
Kai stared blankly as his resin curls, cut by scissors, fell to the floor. At the end of this process, he glanced at himself in the mirror – from there a haunted teenager with short-cropped black still curly hair and eyes that had become even larger on his face from the hair were looking at him.
Then they were taken to have a wash. They forced everyone to take off their clothes and gave them government-issue clothes.
Then they brought them to the barracks and showed each of them a bunk with a bedside table, which already contained everything necessary for army life.
Klin introduced them to the other guys who were here. In this camp, training took place not only in the summer, during the holidays, the camp always worked. There was a building where school classes were held with those who lived here all year round.
From the sight of the guys in the barracks where he was placed, he immediately realized that hazing was flourishing here. He had heard about such a phenomenon, and now he had to face it.
As soon as Klin left their barracks, Kai plopped down on his bunk and stretched out on it with pleasure. Sleeping in a crooked position on a chair on the bus after such a stormy night was not the best option for rest. He even began to plunge into a doze but heard a loud conversation, which gradually began to develop into a conflict.
Those whom he immediately noticed as “bullies” were now hectoring the guy who had arrived with him. The victim’s bunk was at the beginning of the barracks, where they all crowded. First, the standard mockery of the newcomer followed, then humiliation followed. Nobody protected the guy, all the other inhabitants of the barracks were watching with pleasure such entertainment. The bullies began to verbally humiliate him – they called him names, and then, seeing that he did not answer them, they began to kick the guy.
Kai heard the guy crying as he was forced to kneel to acknowledge the authority of his elders and say out loud that he was a sh*t.
Kai realized that the bullying here was stupid and artless, apparently, the rich kids were so dull with permissiveness that even in the humiliation of the weak they could not think of anything except the level of a showdown in the sandbox.
He got up and walked over to them.
“Leave him,” Kai looked into the eyes of the chief of the mockers.
“Oh, who is this girl with green eyes?” the chief said derisively. “Go, beauty, we won’t even touch you, we don’t mess with women.”
Everyone laughed.
Kai hit the chief in the face, then in the stomach. He jumped abruptly to the side, noticing the mop in advance, grabbed it, and began to wield it – scattering the assistants who rushed to him. A fight ensued. He held on for a long time. His combat skill here worked flawlessly, but there were many of them, and they had been trained here for a long time – including hand-to-hand combat.
When he practically defeated them, scattering them in the corners, he was hit on the head with a chair, everything floated before his eyes, and then he was kicked by everyone he had already defeated.
Klin flew into the barracks at the noise, scattered the fighters. He picked up Kai and, holding him by the shoulders, led him to the medical unit. Zatsepa ran there, and then Vasily Petrovich.
Klin said that Kai fought ten and did a job well, there was admiration in Klin’s voice.
Vasily Petrovich tried to ask Kai who was the instigator and why it all started. Kai said that he swung at them and that he was the instigator of the fight.
Zatsepa also tried to find out why he got into the fight, but Kai was silent and they realized that he would not say anything more.
For this, he was sent to spend the night in a solitary confinement cell, by the bars on the window and the iron door, he realized that this was a prison, it did not look like in the cinema – there was a bucket in the corner, a hard bed and a dimly burning light all night.
In the morning he was given a plate of food and then taken to dig trenches for his behavior for educational purposes.
Kai was digging, he didn’t care. Yesterday’s fight brought relief to his mental anguish, shifting the pain from mental to physical. And now, digging a trench in the training field under the scorching summer sun, he got rid of thoughts and everything else. He was just digging stupidly…
Towards evening he was taken to the shower room, where he was standing for a long time under the streams of water, and then, already in dignified form, to the study of Vasily Petrovich, who held an hour-long conversation for educational purposes. Kai stared distantly at the wall, thinking about his problems.
Klin returned him to the barracks, to his bunk. He flopped down on it indifferently. But they did not let him lie down for a long time, they were all lined up and taken to dinner.
There, when he was lazily stirring buckwheat three older guys sat down at his table.
“And you’re a hero,” one of them said amiably. “You smacked these freaks and didn’t betray them, although it was necessary. Why the heck did you dug trenches instead of them? They needed to dig it.”
“What do you need?” Kai muttered without looking up.
“We’ve come to meet you. My name is Senya, here is Vadik, and this is Misha.”
Kai looked at each one in turn. On his face, there were still traces of yesterday’s beating.
“We’ve pressed these freaks today; they will not come to you anymore. But if anything, you’re with us.”
“I can stand up for myself,” Kai again buried himself in the plate.
“Hey, little one, we have no doubt about it. As they told us how you fought, our jaw dropped. But don’t be arrogant. We are normal, we want to help you humanly. You will drop dead here. These freaks can do it if you are not with us. They do not touch everyone who is with me.”
“You do not understand; I’ll stand up for myself. I am alone. I don’t need your help,” Kai looked into Senya’s eyes.
“Come on, guys, ” Senya averted his eyes. “If anything, contact us …” he said vaguely.
The guys left. Kai forced himself to eat, waited for permission to return to the barracks, and went to bed.
He was so indifferent to everything that he rejected the offer of friendship and mutual assistance not because of self-confidence, but because he was simply not ready to communicate with anyone, talk and, moreover, be friends. Everything here was disgusting and alien to him.
Indeed, the bullies in his barracks now bypassed him, but most importantly, they no longer touched the other guys. The rest, seeing his unfriendly disposition, stopped contacting him with questions and the desire to talk. He often saw Senya and his guys, but they also kept aloof from him and no longer came up with an offer of friendship.
The days of life in a military camp dragged on. They woke up early, jogged, trained. Also the theory of military affairs, it included everything: types of weapons, land, sea, air technology. Then there were practical exercises: shooting, hand-to-hand combat, parachute jumping, training on air simulators. Then again the evening theory was, then strength training. There was some free time and sleep. And so it was day after day.
Kai forbade himself to think, he forbade himself to remember. He mechanically did everything that was required of him. And he didn’t even notice that he did it all the best. He shot accurately, very quickly mastered all types of technique, perfectly understood flight simulators. He won in hand-to-hand combat, and, naturally, was the best in oriental martial arts.
But strength training was difficult for him, and on jogging, he fell behind and dropped with fatigue.
But for the rest, he delighted teachers and instructors, although he was not even aware of this, as he just did what he was told.
Only a month later, when Kai was sitting aloofly on a bench behind the barracks in the evening in his free hour before bedtime, Senya again approached him.
“Do you want to smoke?” he asked.
Kai remembered, after all, he had smoked. For all the time here, after the cigarettes were taken from him, he did not even remember this.
His gaze softened, Senya caught it and waved his hand. They went behind a bush – there was Vadik, Mishka, and a few other guys, all smoking while sitting on the grass.
Kai sat down, he was handed a cigarette, he inhaled.
“Well, we thought you were quite a robot,” seeing the emotions on Kai’s face, Mishka said smiling.
“Is it easier to live like that?” asked Senya, seeing how Kai took a drag on the cigarette.
“Which is easier?” Kai asked distantly looking to the side.
“When you stop feeling and thinking,” Senya also took a drag. “You didn’t want to get here, did you?”
“And you?” Kai asked in surprise, finally looking at Senya.
“Well, we all wanted to get here. It’s generally hard to get here, but this is such a chance – then a military career is already guaranteed,” Senya fell silent, looked at Kai. “Were you forced to come here?”
“Yes. I did not want. I don’t want to be a military man – this is what my father wants.”
“Then it’s clear why you’re so… like a robot… as if you are waiting for it to end.”
Kai just sighed and took another drag.
“Why don’t you want to become a military man? You are better than all of us here. We see it.”
“Better?” Kai asked in surprise. ” I haven’t done anything.”
“Do you see anything at all? Everything you do, you do a hundred times better than everyone else. You were born for all this.”
“I do not want!” Kai jumped up. “Do you understand? I don’t want to! They’ve made me. That’s not mine!”
“Hush,” Senya grabbed Kai by the sleeve and pulled him back down to the grass. “We’ve just thought you are acting out; you want to show how cool you are. And now I understand everything. You only know, after all, what you are and they’ve guessed,” Senya nodded towards the commanding corps. “They don’t let people like you go; do you understand that?”
“What should I do?” Senya and the guys now saw another Kai, a teenager with frightened eyes, who was trying to get out of the nets into which he had got and from which he would never be able to free himself…
Then they talked about everything for a long time. Kai spoke briefly about himself, family, friends, and plans for life. The guys shared with him their prospects, only they all had plans, and Kai had an ordinary peaceful life in his intention.
They stayed together until the end of the summer. Kai felt better, having found friends here, even with views of the future that were different from him, but they understood and supported him. And this was the most important thing in friendship – understanding.
So his summer flew by.
Upon returning to Moscow, he seized the moment and ran away from home to see Prokhor and all the boys.
How happy Prokhor was when the guy came to their apartment! But then he scoffed at the guy’s hairstyle, said that he became even thinner than he was before, and these hairs sticking out in curls on his head made him so funny.
The lads also laughed, but Kai understood that it was not out of spite. Everyone was happy that he had returned.
By the weekend, Prokhor had organized everything to celebrate the return of his friend. There was again a restaurant, then a trip to the girls, Prokhor’s, and everyone’s mockery about his three-month hunger for women. And then the night of orgy and the morning of the “Streltsy” execution.
Then Kai thought that maybe things weren’t so bad. Maybe things were working out. And he hoped everything would be as before: study, house arrests, and Prokhor with the boys.
But after the summer everything changed. Kai’s amazing abilities, talent, and calling were seen and remembered. His father was told that Kai would be taken where only the chosen one could go.
