Chapter 23: Accept Your Weakness

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After telling us what Shen had to say, she left toward her room and continued the conversation with him.

 

B-but why? What happened? → Sylvia

 

Sylvia felt the uneasiness in Shen’s heart, making her worry.

 

For God sake woman, can you stop worrying for once? I’ll become stronger and help the four races so stop sweating over the small stuff! I’ll meet you all in the Isa Village after I finish some problems here, alright? → Shen

 

Shen was fighting at the moment against a group of around 200 adventurers and her worries only annoyed him more. Every time he talked with Sylvia he would end up hearing a worried tone which made him quite irritated at moments. He wasn’t a brat and knew all too well what he was doing. From small Shen took the feeling of ‘worry’ from the others as a way to tell him

 

“You’re weak & no-good so stay put and stop making us problems, okay? Just be sure to finish what you have to do!”

 

He hated this feeling and just a few times were his assumptions wrong, seeing how in truth, the others only looked down on him. That’s why he would never tell the others what he was doing when it came to dangerous things.

 

… Alright, I’m sorry for worrying about you. but would you at least tell me why you can’t come together with your disciples? → Sylvia

 

Sylvia felt pained by his words, she wasn’t able to see what happened and neither could she read his memories because of his strong mental barrier. However, she still felt Shen’s heart and found out feelings of frustration as if revolting against something or someone, having his pride hurt.

 

What do you mean ‘I’ll become stronger and help the 4 races’? What I’m worried about is you and not the world! I shouldn’t have told you about the dream I had… I feel this burden pressing on your heart and the urgency to grow stronger… It seems it’s my fault in the end. → Sylvia

 

Sylvia shook her head with a saddened face while thinking for herself. Feeling her pain and guilt, Shen was even more confused and irritated.

 

Now for what are you feeling guilty? Do you have something to tell me? I can feel that you really want to rebuke what I said so spit it out! Don’t let it inside, what are you? A brat?! → Shen

 

Shen said all he had in his mind. He always believed that holding his thoughts in and eating his words is like swallowing poison. All this negativity stuck inside will corrode the body and spirit, making the victim sick and tired at all the time.

 

I’m feeling guilty because I told you about my visions! You idiot! → Sylvia

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Sylvia couldn’t hold it in anymore and started shouting out mentally whatever was in her heart.

 

And of course I’m worried about you! How can’t I? And it’s not because you are the hope of the 4 races. If it killed you then I’d rather find another way than risk your life! I’m worried sick about you because you’re so rash, without caring for yourself! I’ll never think of you as a bother, nor as a weakling, so please don’t take my feelings as me looking down on you, you big dummy! I admire your strong spirit and the wish to teach the others, I also admire that sensible side of you which is looking at love like at the most precious thing. That’s why you’re keeping your heart closed so you won’t risk of feeling a ‘fake love’, ending in not being able to feel any kind of love around you…What a big dummy… I know all of this because I can see inside your heart with my [Soul Eyes] and read your memories from before. No, I’m not feeling the slightest bit sorry for doing so because I want to help you with this! I want to help you open your heart and make your wish for a true love, real… If you suddenly die, then what should I do…? Please, if you can’t worry about yourself, at least worry about how the others will feel for you… Idiot warrior… → Sylvia

 

Sylvia said all she had inside her heart, ending up confessing to Shen without realizing. However, she couldn’t bring herself to feel embarrassed, more like, she was feeling extremely saddened by Shen’s lone heart.

 

In the monastery on top of the mountain, there was no one in which she felt interested, let alone love as a life-partner. Even after getting down from the mountain and visiting the villages and cities, meeting a lot of strong and great men, none made her feel the same way, feeling as if she couldn’t create any kind of connections. This was the first time she felt such strong feelings for someone, making her confession a little bit clumsy. She wanted to let Shen know what she had in her heart just like how she knew what Shen was hiding in his own.

 

Suddenly, a slight, almost undetectable feeling of happiness appeared inside Shen, making Sylvia feel as if she was able to ever so slightly, touch his soul.

 

You…are you serious? Do you even have a reason to feel in such a way towards me? We didn’t even meet face to face, we don’t even know each other. All we did was to talk telepathically for a few times… I can’t see any reasoning from your words… And neither do I see a reason for me to accept your feelings. → Shen

 

Shen just defeated every enemy around him. Knocked out players and adventurers that surrounded him with only one hit. While the golems dragged out the defeated people, Shen stood there like a statue looking at his bloody fist. He had conflicted feelings and couldn’t think straight at the moment.

 

I can’t have someone beside me when I’m barely able to protect my disciples. Things like ‘love’ will only prove to be a burden for later. → Shen

 

Shen thought only for himself. He remembered the nightmares of visions in which his beloved ones died one after the other in front of his eyes, because of such visions, he couldn’t accept in his heart not even his parents, thinking that once they die, he’ll only feel that unbearable pain over and over again. Feeling how his heart was enveloped in fear, pain, and darkness, Sylvia quickly followed up.

 

Since when does a person need a reason to love someone? And through this telepathy, I had the possibility to feel and understand a little bit more about you. I could tell how beautiful your heart is and how much love you have for the living. Please believe in me. → Sylvia

 

She then gave Shen access to her heart and thoughts to make him sure that her feelings were genuine and she wasn’t just saying it.

 

“!?”

 

Shen’s hollow eyes shone with shock. Sylvia’s heart was filled with feelings for him. He couldn’t comprehend how could someone fall in love to this extent in almost no time at all.

 

“T-this… why? I don’t get it.”

 

Shen’s voice was trembling. He was able to tell that what she was feeling wasn’t the kind of blind love that would only give him more trouble, but genuine and a reasonable one. He was able to tell that what she fell in love with was his spirit and soul, his very essence as a golden soul, a fact that left him wordless and unable to think.

 

Are you mad? For what reason would you feel like this over me. You’re actually wasting so much energy on feelings that might one day come to an end! It’s stupid! → Shen

 

Shen was trembling. He couldn’t understand her mindset and this gave him a strong mental shock.

 

It’s true. One day it might really come to an end… But isn’t it better this way? I for one would rather feel love once, than not feeling at all. → Sylvia

 

Sylvia answered while returning to her room. She was playing with her hair and looked out the window with a sad smile.

 

…I wonder… Can you at least tell what kind of person I am? You might feel disappointed in me and this will only bring you more suffering. This is meaningless. → Shen

 

Shen said in a cold voice. He knew this because he already disappointed the ones he loved before, making them feel pained and himself feel worthless. If this really happened again then his morale would go down and in such crucial times, this was one of the things he had to evade. But Sylvia shook her head slightly and felt like laughing.

 

Your mentality that to the others seems so complicated and contradictory, it’s so simple and visible for me to understand. This kind of way of living is simply beautiful and in balance with everything you do, Shen. Don’t forget I can see your soul how it shines even now. → Sylvia

 

Sylvia said with a melodic and beautiful voice.

 

You… What should I do…? → Shen

 

Shen’s mentality was contradictory but at the same time in balance with everything he felt and thought. It was the same with feeling indifference for everything and everyone around him but at the same time trying to understand and even resolve others problems.

 

He would always think that he’s one against the world while at the same time, he would always help and support the others. He would not trust or receive help from anyone, while at the same time he would ask specialized people to do some parts of his job. He always accepted the idea of perfection but only for himself, trying to have a strong mind and soul but at the same time trying to understand the weakness and sadness that enveloped him.

 

The feeling of fighting against the world and at the same time against himself, made Shen accept the fact that, falling into weakness was equal to a fate worse than death. He fought his own weakness, his sadness, and his own loneliness, being now able to accept with ease the idea that he might end up one day as the enemy of the world or as someone who will be needed to live in seclusion on his own.

 

The fact that he saw things differently, the fact that he felt things differently from the others, made him feel vulnerable like a piece of meat inside a cage full of carnivorous beasts. This pressure strengthened his once weak and almost collapsing mind, transforming it into an unshakeable power of will, being strong enough to fight the sea and support mountains. His fear numbed and he no longer cared about what the others felt, thought or expected from him, going through life like a tide, pushing away or simply ignoring the ones that stood in his way. As a resident from a modern world, Shen’s fought not with the sword, but with the mind and spirit, leaving nothing from the others’ negativity to affect him.

 

Even so, one thing was still vulnerable. His heart was just as weak as before, making him feel unimaginable pain when it was poked. He experienced betrayal, but he never trusted them to really get affected. He loved before, but he never was sure of his or the other person’s feelings, making the pain much easier to endure by simply loving with a half of his heart while trying to understand with the other one.

 

Having someone like Sylvia appear in his life, giving him all she has first while he didn’t even show any sights of giving something back in the first place, made Shen’s train of thoughts crash and collapse, completely confused as of what he should do now.

 

Simply do what you want. Isn’t that what you always do? Isn’t that how you walked down this path with nothing staying in your way? Simply do as you wish, Shen. → Sylvia

 

Sylvia said in a warm voice.

 

“…”

 

Even though Shen’s mind was blank, his body and mana still moved. He activated a strong spell and placed himself atop a mountain while looking downwards with emotionless eyes.

 

…Won’t I get injured? Won’t I only suffer even more? Do you know how sick I am of such things? Not even when the Infernal Gorilla almost burned me to death, have I felt so much pain. → Shen

 

Shen said automatically. His stone heart was opening without him even knowing.

 

I think that loneliness is even more painful, Shen. Please don’t worry, I know you completely now. I know you even more than you would know yourself, Shen. → Sylvia

 

Shen’s mental barrier shattered after he felt her heart, giving full access his heart and soul. She was able to feel his confusion, his fear and weakness; a weakness that he buried in the darkest and deepest parts of his soul.

 

Did you know Shen? When a warrior accepts his own weakness, he will only grow stronger. → Sylvia

… I know. → Shen

Then what are you afraid of? → Sylvia

 

Sylvia asked in a provocative voice.

 

… Sylvia… I will expect my heart returned damaged but… at least try to take care of it just as much as I will take care of yours. → Shen

 

Shen said while feeling fear even worse than death. His stone heart shattered and a wave full of vitality hit Sylvia and evaded the body going all around Shen’s body.

 

-VHOWM~!-

 

Because Shen released the energy stoked and locked inside his heart, this made possible for him to Breakthrough Sainthood, using that energy to strengthen his own spirit and body even more than before.

 

—– START OF STATS —–

 

« General Information »

Name:          Shen

Sex:          Male

Class:          Spirit Fighter

Primary Element:  Earth

 

« Skill Points »

Health:        450,000

Mana:        180,000

STR:        351

AGI:        310

DEF:        385

VIT:        420

INT:        300

Avg Attack Power: 1,470 (AP)

Status:
Soul’s Power: Golden (Awoken)

—– END OF STATS —–

 

[I congratulate you for your breakthrough, master.]

 

Isa said after feeling Shen’s power grow.

 

“Yeah…” → Shen

 

My AP skyrocketed to 1470… All of this for simply accepting my heart… what a joke. → Shen

 

Shen smiled and shook his head.

 

Wow~ see? I knew you have a beautiful heart. → Sylvia

 

Sylvia was overjoyed for Shen. Even though they were so far away, she could feel the warmth and life-force emanating from his heart, making her feel relaxed and at ease.

 

And be sure that I will take a better care of yours than you could ever do with mine. → Sylvia

 

Sylvia said with an air of superiority, because of Shen’s character, she knew that she will make her worry sick but she was ready to accept them as a part of him and love him whole and not just in parts.

 

…Yes… I have no idea what to say but… I think I will trust you, Sylvia. → Shen

 

When Shen talked, his heart pulsated every time and when he pronounced her name, a wave of pure golden energy enveloped Sylvia, giving her strength and vitality.

 

I still don’t understand why you feel as such but I will let your actions and feelings talk in your place. I might understand something like this. → Shen

 

After happily conversing some more, Shen told her about his disciples, about Bonny the Dragoon, Melinda the Elemental Fairy and Theodore the little demon. The telepathic connection strengthened even more after he accepted Sylvia in his heart and a string of energy reached out from his toward Sylvia’s, connecting both their hearts and making them stronger by the day.

 

So, why do you need to send your disciples our way while you’ll remain there? → Sylvia

 

Sylvia asked again.

 

Ah…About that… → Shen

 

Shen sent her a memory of when he destroyed the mountain, after that having more and more guests that came with ulterior reasons to steal from him or accuse him of trespassing the borders of the kingdom, sending waves of mercenaries and players who are wishing for his riches.

 

Oh Heavens… Shen, in what troubles have you entered this time… → Sylvia

 

Sylvia asked while sighing, worrying genuinely. She wanted to go there as fast as possible but she couldn’t teleport there or sail fast enough.

 

Ah, don’t worry now. I’ll distract these people until my disciples get far enough, then I’ll flee. If bad comes to worse and they find where my disciples left, then I’ll go in offensive. → Shen

 

Shen said while his heart remained tranquil. He felt no danger and he saw nobody in his eyes. He had no need to worry about his disciples getting in trouble. He taught them enough for each one of them to be able to take on warriors with one or two steps above them. Also, Theodore could control his transformation pretty well, being able to stay in human form the entire day.

 

If you’re so confident in your disciples then I’ll trust them too. Very well, I’ll see you in one month then~. → Sylvia

 

Sylvia said happily and closed the connection. Even though the telepathic conversation ended, she still felt her heart connected to his, making his presence felt even though they were hundreds of kilometers apart.

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